Daughter witnessed huge parent fight

[Commalia]

I feel horrible is an understatement. Three weeks ago, my husband and I had a huge fight that almost led to divorce. First fight ever in 5 years of marriage.

He literally asked me to pack my bags and leave. I started packing and looked at Airbnbs. I told my 4 yesr old daughter "mama might go live in another house but it's okay you can come visit and i will come everyday".

My husband and I decided to stay together and work out the issue. It was a one off family problem issue which we hopefully will resolve and he can forgive me in time (it was not cheating but another mistake I did).

It has traumatised my daughter since and I cannot forgive myself at all. She is so scared. She asks daily if i am leaving. I told her that no of course I won't leave and will always be with her.

I really feel bad. Her behaviour is really bad, she screams at the smallest things, she throws fits. She used to be the sweetest most adorable child before.

What have I done to my daughter??? Can the damage be reversed???

I cant sleep from the guilt and thinking of long term impact this episode might have on her.

HELPPPPP

Any advice?

Didn’t want to read and run - just to say, do not stress about this. It sounds like it gave your daughter a huge scare but this happening once is not going to cause long-term damage.

Give her lots of reassurance, explain that mummy and daddy had a fight but it’s OK, you both love her and you will both always be here for her. Until you’re totally 100% sure what’s going to happen I’d avoid saying anything about “I’m not going to leave you” or equally “I might have to go away”.

When she throws screaming fits, think about what’s triggered it - it might be her way of saying “I’m really scared and I don’t know how to deal with this horrible feeling”. So give her cuddles and understanding - the Instagram Big Little Feelings is ace for this.

Sounds like the other key thing to do is work out with your husband what you both want, because if you’re going to reassure her that you’re not going, you need to be as sure as you can be that your partner isn’t going to turn around in a couple of weeks and decide that he does want a divorce. My advice would be to keep this away from her as much as possible while the two of you work things out - this isn’t something she needs to be a part of.

Good luck - I hope everything sorts itself out with your husband and I’m sure your daughter will be back to her usual self very soon.

Thank you that's great tips! I will give her the reassurance and hope things get better.