4 Year Old with potential Autism/ADHD

[FatherB]

Hey, just looking for some help on what I should be doing, how seriously I should be taking it and how best I can help. I'm not the resident parent, so there's going to be a limit to what I can do.

So school are seeing things, and I have seen them too. Stuff like stimming, lack of awareness, not answering to name, some instances of removal of clothes such as socks or shoes, playing alongside other children rather than with them and a larger list alongside this.

However, there are also contradictions to some of these such as examples of answering to her name and being alert in loud environments but not hearing her name or being aware of someone calling for her in quiet environments, and various degrees in between. The school have said that in their opinion some of her behaviour is definitely not in her control, but some of it could be learned behaviour.

I'm very supportive of an early diagnosis whilst mum and her family seem to be against it. I'm not sure how much an early diagnosis can actually help right now, but i'm confident that if she does have autism or ADHD or something else then an early diagnosis is sure to be the best way to deal with it long term.

I'm also a little worried about that learned behaviour comment. I don't really know what to think about it, I know it could be from other kids but I can't help but worry it's from home life, although to be fair I've never had any worries previously.

It just seems a difficult situation all around. Has anyone gone down the route of an early diagnosis? and if so did it help get your child some support and perhaps develop certain routines just to help her along? Or was it a waste of time? Any other general advice would be very welcome.

I'm also a little worried about that learned behaviour comment. I don't really know what to think about it, I know it could be from other kids but I can't help but worry it's from home life, although to be fair I've never had any worries previously.

If you're that worried about her, could you apply to have her more often?

I have just received more time with her, due to the distance it's not possible to do any more, but i'm looking to move closer to sort that out.

So yes it's in the works, but like I said I haven't had worries previously so I don't know if it's something I should be worried about or if i'm just being silly and I can't apply to court on the basis of "there might be issues" but I can't prove any issues exist either, at least not at the moment. Maybe over time things will become more apparent one way or the other.

What do school want to do at this point?

In terms of what you can do, I think as the non-resident parent, you still have full rights to be involved in her education? So you can make sure you're getting copies of all communications from school, if there's a meeting to discuss things, make sure you're there, etc. Basically make sure school know you're engaged and want to work with them, and then go from there.

Perhaps read about the many different ways ASD can affect people (it's hugely varied), see if you can see your daughter in the descriptions, and see what's suggested that might help? I'd particularly look for stuff about women and girls – the classic description is skewed towards men and boys. A lot of the possible techniques to help can be useful for many children, not just those with ASD. If it helps her, for example, to talk through what the plan is for each day or to use social stories to help her understand how to play with other children, great, regardless of diagnosis.

If you ask, would she be able to tell you if her shoes or socks are uncomfortable? If that's the problem, getting her some seamless socks or tights might make everything a bit easier, just removing that little constant irritation from her day. Or trying on a bunch of shoes until you find some that feel okay.

You might also want to post this in one of the Special Needs sections – the posters there will have more relevant experience.