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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please will someone bring my beautiful, sweet, gentle little girl back, I am completely sick of this stroppy imposter!

20 replies

CloudAtlas · 07/12/2007 19:22

She is just 2 and today has been a nightmare, just floppy bodied wailing tantrum after another; crossing the road, brushing her teeth, watching beebies, not watching beebies, wearing shoes, wearing wellies, not wearing wellies, being carried, not being carried, going in the buggy, walking, not turning the page, needing milk, not wanting milk................ad infinitum.

I have read toddler taming, but tbh I think she should read it. I pick my fights alright, and really try not to pick more because she's being a nightmare, but imo she should be the one reading it and learning not to pick fights over everything!

When do they get over this? Do they ever? She still has a lot of moments of sweetness, and is often lovely and affectionate, can I count on the good bits stopping altogether?
[head in hands, steam coming out of ears emoticon]

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DeckTheHallsWithHollyhobbie · 07/12/2007 19:34

Urgh! I was just coming on here to post an identical "I've had enough" thread.
My DD is 2.8 and is exactly the same and I have had enough: I've started getting really cross with her doing the mildest things, because it's an endless onslaught - means I have to do a lot of walking away from her as even though I'm pretty sure I won't hit her, I also have stopped recognising the horrible shouty woman that I have become.
I've been thinking tonight that I need a break from DD just so that I can put all her playing up into perspective. DH can see that she's just being a terrible-twoer, but I just can't any more.
Sorry this is not helpful advice for you, just at least we both know we're not alone, and in the meantime we can both keep repeating our mantra, "It's only a phase, it's only a phase..."

Maidamess · 07/12/2007 19:35

I clicked on your thread thinking maybe someone was in the same boat as me, with a stroppy 12 year old. So to answer your question, no it doesn't get any better!

Original poster

CloudAtlas · 07/12/2007 19:48

oh cheers, where are all the people who are supposed to say that it's a stage which is guaranteed to last a maximum of two weeks, and then she will revert back to her normal lovely self again!
Deckthehalls, I was nearly running away from my dd today as she chased after me with her little arms in the air like frankinstein's monster shouting something which sounded like "mummymilknomilkdummydummymilkdummy"

OP posts:

cory · 07/12/2007 20:27

Ah, I'll come on and do the "only a stage" bit. All right, so pre-teens may be stroppy, but it's not the same thing, it isn't, it really isn't. There are so many things they can do for themselves once they get to school age, and they don't need your company every single moment of the day, and they're at school, and you do actually get really nice almost adult conversations from time to time.

PatsyCline · 07/12/2007 20:41

DD1 (7) was even worse than DD2 (2) is at the moment. She is now a lovely, rational individual (perhaps I have two or three years left of that?).

I love the "OOh, mummy, a leaf!", "Ooh, mummy, a bird!" part of having a two year old, but tantrums are the main reason why DD2 started playgroup recently. She behaves beautifully there of course and having a break from her keeps me sane.

Good luck.

Patsy

Original poster

CloudAtlas · 07/12/2007 20:57

Thanks, that's reassuring. I really hope it doesn't last long, but am not hopefull. Deck the halls, how do you try to stop yourself shouting. I've really tried not to shout so far, but it's happening more and more! My fuse gets shorter and shorter the more she plays up. I actuallk hid behind a door from her today. It's awful isn't it. I look at dd2, who is 11 months and I can't believe that this angelic little person will ever behave in the same way, but dd1 was also an angel
Patsy, she was booked to start at nursery but I changed my mind and thought it was too soon, but maybe this is just what I she needs??

Then tonight, I had my head in my hands when she was eating her dinner, and she patted me on the arm and asked "y'ok mummy?" and I melted.

OP posts:

hana · 07/12/2007 21:03

this could be my almost 3 year old, I am at wits end with her. so you have my every sympathy

sorry no advice ( need lots myself!)

Original poster

CloudAtlas · 07/12/2007 21:11

omg, dd1 is 2 and 1 month. this does not bode well. phew, hope your dc improves. hope mine doesn't get worse either.

OP posts:

PatsyCline · 07/12/2007 21:52

CA (I love David Mitchell ),
DD2 genuinely loves playgroup - why not try a session there or at nursery and see how your DD copes? It may save your sanity.

They CAN be so lovely, can't they? I always run through "There was a little girl who had a little curl..." when DD2 kicks off. For some reason it makes me feel much better!

WhenScoobyGotStuckUpTheChimney · 07/12/2007 21:55

Oh no please i wish i did not click on here i wanting some hope

My dd is 22 months & sounds just like the op's dd, it is truly awful, i feel i am in a total battle every day/night of my life, please tell me it gets better & not worse? boohoo

DeckTheHallsWithHollyhobbie · 10/12/2007 09:56

Hi again CloudAtlas. My DS is 8 months old and, like you, I can't believe he'll ever be so horrid! I think that is part of the problem though, because it is so much more fun to spend time with him and he gets carried around, and it is hard for DD to see that.

I find the only way to stop shouting is to remember that laughing at it all is a preferable response.

I think also just recognising that you are (almost) at the end of your tether and asking for help at that point is very important. No point soldiering on and both you and DD hating it and each other.

After I posted on Friday night, I did go and cry to DH and say I need a break and that I do worry about hurting her sometimes. He gave me a break on Sat by doing most of the childcare and I got 3 hours out of the house to get my hair cut. Hence I'm starting Monday feeling much more sane.

Helped too that after Saturday, DH said, "yes it's really, really hard work and she's not very much fun at the moment and she drives me insane even quicker than she does you" - so I really felt that it wasn't just my wrong response but that anyone would think that of her, iyswim.

Re: childcare - go for it! I put DD in nursery 2 mornings a week when she was 2.1. I hadn't wanted to link it so closely to DS's arrival, but had a really horrid morning with them both and thought enough is enough. She now goes 3 mornings a week and loves it (I would send her for more time if we could afford it).

A friend who's DD is 1 year older than mine, says that her DD is now getting really nice again. I think it's meant to be some comfort, but all I can think is, God, another year?!

blueshoes · 10/12/2007 10:22

Cloud, it gets worse as they get older. My 4 year old is so much more sophisticated at being obstructive and competing for attention now that she has more language and skills at her disposal, even throwing in a bit of reasoning along the way.

She gets more skilled at pushing my buttons and I just end up screeching at increasingly louder volumes. Not great.

But having said that, I do notice that she has her stroppy phases and her sweet phases. Each could last for months, before the pendulum swings again. Never a dull moment ...

sprogger · 10/12/2007 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pulapula · 10/12/2007 14:24

Sprogger- we get that and worse evey morning!

My DD is 2.11 and is worse now than at the start of terrible twos!

She goes to nursery 2 days a week which is a godsend, as i can spend quality time with 5 mo DS.

I also use the naughty step or consequences (ie toy is confiscated if she isn't playing nicely). She behaves much better afterwards.

Original poster

CloudAtlas · 10/12/2007 14:30

lol sprogger, that's so familiar!!

OP posts:

madame · 10/12/2007 14:44

I'm sorry but this thread has really cheered me up and I mean that in the nicest way.....I have dd 2.3 and she can be a real madame....It is heart warming to know that it is common and has the same effect on other mothers...To know I am not alone is such help.

milwood · 26/04/2012 10:12

please can someone help me with how to cope with my 8 year old who behaves like she is 21! i am so fed up with her speaking to me like i am some sort of maid!!! Where have we gone wrong, our 11 year old daughter is lovely?

shrinkingnora · 26/04/2012 10:32

Milwood - why don't you start a thread of your own and put age etc in the title and you'll get more responses. I'll post on it!

varoem · 27/04/2012 20:26

My 6 year old son is the same. He treats me like his slave. He'll go into every room in the house making a mess then refuses to clean up. Toilet paper will get thrown all over the bathroom floor (clean and dirty) towels will be thrown on the floor, toilet unflushed, food wrappers thrown everywhere except the bin, carpets covered in crumbs and he just doesn't understand why he should pick anything up or even why he should get dressed. His reply to everything is that cleaning up his mess will not save the world and that I am an idiot. He wants money all the time and won't eat anything apart from chocolate. If he doesn't get his way he will make a bigger mess, call me names (calling everybody a fat idiot is the latest one) and pull my hair or hit me. He says that it is my fault if he hits me because I should look after him. I try to look after him but he doesn't make it easy. He thinks doctors don't look after him either because the first eczema cream he was given didn't work (there are a few he has to try before we find the right one for him).
I feel like walking out the front door somedays and never coming back.

tb · 29/04/2012 12:39

DD is now 14. We thought that we'd get a pause between terrible twos and stroppy teen. We haven't had one. About a year ago, an elderly lady at church suggested that she was autistic - she'd not long thrown a complete panic attack/wobbler, floored me and I was on crutches due to badly torn knee ligaments.

I was horrified.

Some months later, after being given a bollicking by our village 'assistante sociale' for not establishing boundaries, we had a look at the nas site. We found PDA. Dd read it, and recognised herself. We are in the process of asking the regional centre for an evaluation.

Fingers crossed.

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