Techniques to help an angry child

[november90]

I'm really desperate for some advice/experience.
DS is 4, just started school. He's always been extremely easy to unsettle, even as a baby and gets angry so easy. He regulates himself well though and once calmed down he is ok but he's outbursts are getting intense. He says really mean things and it's so hard to not take it personal!
He's such a lovely little thing, but he just cannot handle his emotions!
Anyone have any ideas or techniques which have worked for them? He responds wel to encouragements and treats and compliments but when he blows everything just goes out the window :( I just want to help him!

Keep going with the encouragements and treats and compliments. And I know it's hard but try not to put too much emphasis on the angry outbursts, once he's angry all kinds of nonsense will come out. Try to ignore it or let it blow over rather than reacting or punishing it. It all just means "I'm upset" and you getting angry as well just escalates things.

Four years old is very young for self regulation. A lot of kids don't really get the hang of this until 10+, which is not a problem if they generally have a calm temperament but not so good if they are volatile. In the meantime, you have to regulate for him. Which means a certain amount of avoiding stresful situations and triggers, lowering demands and some lowering expectations so that he doesn't feel he's getting a lot of criticism or punishment (keep it only for the very worst behaviour). Find ways he can get anger out that are less destructive - I haven't done this but hurling wet flannels at the bathroom wall can be therapeutic! Try to have lots of calm time when you're together, just peaceful pleasant time, maybe not doing much. Routine may help, not too much disruption or excitement. Some kids are easily overwhelmed even by "nice" things that are out of their daily routine. Don't add too many out of school activities; even going to a childminder or afterschool care might be a bit much for him. School is a huge demand and your DS just may not have anything left in him for regulating at home just now. I wouldn't worry too much as long as he's behaving in school.

Hopefully things will settle down as he settles in and adapts to school.