Please help ds 3 years struggling socially at nursery.

[laughalot]

My ds started school in september when we had parents day recently the teacher said that my ds is struggling socially he tends to push other children, wont share ect. He has also developed a habit recently of twisting fingers he does it all the time to his sister and I think he tends to be in childrens faces alot at school. He is very aggresive towards his sister he snatches toys from her he pushes her over if she tries and pulls up on the furniture ect basically he is a livewire and sometimes I feel like I cannot reason with him at all. He is extremely independant and dresses himself, puts his pots in the sink ect however he struggles a bit with his speech altough school havent said this is a problem. If for a example we go to a childrens party I feel like I have the worst behaved child he will scream when we have to go and he generally runs roung like a wild child. I love my ds so much and it hurts to think that there might be something wrong ? Does anyone have any advice or am I overreacting

I always used to think I had the worst behaved dd!! But they can all be the same at times really?

Does he ever have any of his little friends over to play? THree is quite young and so they are not very good at expressing themselves....

I'd think it was probably just frustration from struggling with his speech slightly and I'm sure as time moves on and his speech develops, he'll be able to find he doesn't need to be physical to show what he needs/wants.

Perhaps show him a few games or activities that he can easily do where he doesn't need to chat a lot and that involve taking turns or sharing - like hide and seek or hunt the toy.

I'm sure you do but it's hard when there's more than one child, but do you spend time with only him on his own? I found it hard until DD went to school to entertain them both with a 3 yr gap but now, DS (2) loves baking with me or helping me do little jobs, where he knows he's in control.

This is where the problem is karen I tend not to have other children over in the fear he may hurt them.

Sharing is a very hard concept for young children. It's easier to work on and talk about taking turns, because they know that after a set amount of time, they will get the toy/game back, before giving it away again.

What do you do when he snatches toys or hurts his sister? How do you react?

My dd was like this - she had a violent temper!! But I just got friends round and kept an eye on them. She got much better. She loved having people to play with...yes there were times when there was arguing etc but she soon realised that friends would not come and play if she was not nice to them....this was incentive enough for her! I know it's hard but it may be something that he would like...

Littlefish we tend to do timeout but it happens that often that we sometimes dont.

Sorry karen I missed you off there I think he would like friends to play I think its me sometimes who thinks I have the worlds worst behaved child.

could it possibly be that he's a little jealous of the baby?

I think he is jealous a bit however I have always tried to invlove him in nappy changes ect and also she is nearly one so has been around a while now.

I used to think this also but they do calm down as they get older and are better equipped to deal with their feelings/emotions....you may find that he makes one or two special friends at nursery which will help. When my dd started she got very friendly with one little girl (who was like an angel in comparison)I invited her round a couple of times a week after nursery and it really helped my dd. They are now both 8 and still the best of friends.....

I think the nursery need to come up with something better than 'your son is struggling socially'. They need to consult with you properly, tell you specifically what behaviour they think needs to be worked on and then come up with ways of encouraging different ways of behaving. Remember, he is very young. In my experience, loads of 3 yr old boys (including my son) exhibit rough, unsociable, generally a bit bonkers behaviour. I'm sure he is just a boisterous little boy, but if the nursery think it is anything more than that, they should be frank with you.

this clearly sounds like his way of getting attention how do you deal with him when he does this does he have a consequence?

I think he is jelouse [sp] of his sister and I think I probably need to take a bit more time in spending time alone with him playing more ect. We do spend alot of time together but when dd is asleep im usually tidying round, maybe its my fault. He does get timeout but sometimes I dont always follow it through reading everyones replies has made me think that im not being strict enough and I need to spend more quality time with him. The teacher suggested doing board games to teach him to share and take turns ect I would like to think that if the school thought there was a problem then they would have told me. I think it is a bit unfair for them to judge when he has only been there since sep and parents day was last month. My ds has been to playgroups but has never been in a nursery enviroment before.

yeah i understand how you feel but as they are used to seeing all sorts of children they are able to spot when something needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later

i think maybe you are just feeling its your fault but having a new baby makes things hard

maybe now you can see what the problem may be then you can start giving him more quality time his still young so still needs that attention

dont know if you watch tiny tear aways but similar case on there at mo

little boy being bully has new sister he is 3

and dr said you may see him as being big now but 3 yr olds still need cuddles and attention too there still young and need there mummy's

just make more of a concious effort if baby is content do something with ds house work can be done gradually once he is content doing something

who said having kids would be easy lol

Aaah thankyou we put so much pressure on ourselves as parents sometimes and you do forget that 3 is still very young

what difficulties is he having with his speech? is he having speech therapy? is the nursery aware that he has speech problems.

His speech is ok he can string sentences together he just get frustrated sometimes when he cant get his words out. Teacher hasnt mentioned his speech but there are children in his class who talk alot less than him. I have heard 3 year olds talk alot better than him but you can understand what he is saying.