I can't control my toddler

[february11]

Hi all,

My DD is just over 2 & we feel like we have no control over her. She is wild! We always expected the terrible 2s but not like this. Sometimes I'm wondering if she's normal or not... no other toddler her age seem to behave like this. A few examples would be

• always pushing other toddlers (ALWAYS)
• if she asks for something and doesn't get it immediately .. she starts screaming and kicking
• 0 patience for anything (for example if we're in the car waiting at a red light for more than 3 seconds she would kick and scream)
• hates cuddles or relaxing for more than 5 seconds
• won't accept anyone trying to help her during a tantrum meltdown she pushes everyone away
• if we take her to a new place/ class like baby ballet for example- she's the only one running around paying 0 interest in the class but concentrates on anything she shouldn't be doing - like running around/ trying to get out/ play with fire extinguishers/ push other DC etc
• when being picked up from nursery, she's the only child that doesn't come up to us to give us a hug/ kiss - she's not bothered and ignores us.

Is her behaviour normal? Whenever we're out no other toddler seems to behave like her.

I feel like I'm a mum failure. I don't know how to improve her behaviour. She's uncontrollable. We love her to bits but it's so hard at times.

Has anyone got any suggestions of what we could do to improve her behaviour or any book suggestions that we could read?
One of my friends suggested time out any time she misbehaves but I feel she's too young for that and won't understand why she's in time out

Hi OP.. read there’s no such thing as Naughty by Kate silverton, published this year. Extremely helpful for your situation with parenting strategies. The reality is you can’t really reason with a 2 year old, it’s all about naps and containment ! Also give yourself a break with the toddler groups, her behaviour is because she feels overwhelmed by the environment and it properly just doesn’t suit her temperament, that will change once she’s gets to school and matures💐. The terrible twos are awful with some kids! But by 3 they will mellow out so stick with it xxx

Thank you so much! Your reply has made me feel a lot better! I have ordered the book & can't wait for it to arrive. Something to look forward to 😊 xxxx

My daughter is 2 and a half and is terrible at classes! I've given up on them. I've just decided they don't suit her at this moment in time, and I'll possibly try again later as she matures and settles.

She just ran around at classes non stop, trying to escape etc. They are such hard work!

Following as I have one exactly the same and struggling to cope to be honest! X

If you want to do a class, perhaps something like one of the more open-ended toddler gym/gymnastics sessions, where they're all basically just running about playing with the different things anyway?

I agree with you about no time-outs, but what do you do when she pushes another toddler or does something else she shouldn't? My wee one is the same age, and we would have a consequence directly linked to the behaviour, generally something based on keeping people or things safe. Throw a toy that shouldn't be throw, toy goes away (for a bit) to keep someone from getting hurt/something from getting broken. Not walk safely next to Mummy/Daddy on the pavement, go in the buggy. Start deliberately making a mess with food, you must be done eating, so food goes away. And so on. Most things get a warning first, but things like road safety don't because there's no margin for error there.

We've done this for awhile, and it does usually gradually reduce whatever behaviour (mostly, she's still two, some days the toys just have to be thrown!). I would say she's only just starting to be able to process the 'if you do X again, then Y' for a slightly new situation and sometimes have the self-control to change her behaviour then and there, as opposed to after ten repetitions.

My dc1 wouldn't do classes either so I didn't try until he was 3.5/4 when he was actually ready. He never got in trouble at school for not listening or not doing what everyone else is.

Ime you have to let them scream it out and offer hugs etc when the crying intensity goes down. Age 2/3 is an important time for her to learn about emotions and how to deal with them before going onto school at 4.

Toddlers have no concept of time so its normal to have no patience about things not happening NOW. Could you teach her about traffic lights and perhaps play some games about red light stop, green light go?

You have my sympathy in spades- it's a hard slog but if you deal with it now, she'll be prepared for future stages like going to school with you and having to deal with peers without adults supervising