How to support DD with ADHD

[User7889]

My DD is 12 and awaiting assessment from a community physiologist. I suspect she will be diagnosed with ADHD. I’m after any advice or directional pointers for information of how best to support her, i know very little about ADHD at the moment but want to educate myself ASAP.
I’ve so many questions but things like: by the age of 12 I would have thought she could keep her room tidy and prepare her school bag and get her clothes ready for the following day but she really struggles with such tasks… should I do it for her, or with her or write her detailed instructions?
School expect her to be able to note what her homework is then come home and be able to do what has been set. She rarely knows exactly what to do, or remembers to bring all the books she needs to do it with, do I ask school to inform me too of what is set and ensure she has the correct books before leaving school?
I’m so new to all this, feeling terribly guilty for it not occurring to me quite how difficult and stressful she finds everyday tasks

It's always going to be much better for her if you can enable her to do things for herself and find ways to manage the issues she has - mine has asd and has similar issues. I also find schools are just as likely to forget to remind them though as no doubt she has a number of different teachers.

I think detailed instructions is a good idea although if she's like mine she'll probably forget about them/think she knows them and forget half :-D I also think writing things on the back of her hand if she needs to remember to do something at school might help (does with mine and although frowned on at his school I think bugger that and get him to do it anyway).

My ds's school has a homework app that I find really useful to help him keep on top of what homework he has. I wonder if you could suggest it to the school? Does she really need so many different books? If it's a set text I'd consider buying it if you can afford it or is the info she needs not available online? It sounds to me like the school is still a bit in the dark ages! I would definitely talk to them about the ways she is struggling and see what they suggest.

Thank you that’s very helpful

I'm a bit surprised that she hasn't got a homework app or at least a planner. Our have homework planners were they can write down the instructions from the teacher.

She does have a planner but struggles to write down clearly what she needs to do, and if she has managed that then she’s likely to have forgotten to bring the book back she needs to use to do the work from…

My son has a friend with ADHD and he carries all of his school books in his bag. As they don't have textbooks it's actually a bunch of notebooks really.

If she has ADHD she will likely have problems managing time and sequencing tasks. A visual planner can be a help. It could also include a scheduled time for tidying room and preparing bag for school the next day, before relaxing time - those with ADHD cab struggle with procrastination.

Thank you @KinderWild she absolutely does have problems managing her time and procrastinating, as do I the more I find out about ADHD the more I think I know where she has got it from!

Thank you everyone that commented on this post, DD has subsequently been diagnosed with ADD and now awaiting assessment for ASD, I also recognised traits in myself and have subsequently diagnosed with ADHD but again my physiatrist thought I also am probably ASD too… we are getting some help and carrying on muddling though!!