Daughter going ballistic at school - please help

[littleshebear]

Had a phone call at work from dd's teacher re her behaviour.She is in reception and is just 5. Basically, she has been having some problems with her temper - she "loses it" in spectacular fashion over small things.She settled really well at first and these problems started just before half term. Today, though, she has apparently been really nasty to another child, damaging her work, calling her a bitch (not language used at home) and spitting at her. I'm sure this child hasn't done anything to her. she was sent to the headteacher!

The temper thing apparently only happens now with other teachers/assistants, not her form teacher - who said today it seems to happen when she is asked to do something, says no, and the teacher or whoever insists.Her teacher says she now does not misbehave with her and she is quite firm with her now and heads it off.

I'm really worried because it seems to be a real impulse control/anger problem which has been going on since she was 2, when she used to just launch herself at other children and bite them for no reason. We`had problems with playgroup, and nursery. It's always quite sporadic though - so not every day.At nursery they used to give her a time out.she actually had been absolutely fine at nursery for almost a year so I was hopeful she'd be ok at school.since she's started problems at school I've been teaching her deep breathing etc techniques which we've used with my ds with success(another temper possessor).

She does have tantrums at home occasionally, but not extreme, and not about nothing at all.Generally her behaviour is quite good, I would say, and she is the youngest of 4. I don't think her behaviour is out of the ordinary when she is naughty at home, but I think it is not normal at school to behave like this.

The other nastiness towards another child is awful - and again she used to target certain children at toddler group/playgroup in this way, usually small ones.She didn't do it at nursery.

We've done a card for the other child and I'll try to have a word with the mum. At her teacher's suggestion, I've given her a big telling off and I've also started a star chart and she's lost her sweets today (sweetie day).Actually, when I told her off she went ballistic - far worse than I've ever seen her at home and if that's how she is at school I'm not surprised her teacher's concerned - she seems very distressed and out of control, really hysterical.

I'm also going to phone her teacher every week to see how she's getting on.

I'm so upset about this because it's an ongoing problem, which I keep thinking she's grown out of, and she hasn't. It only happens in settings with other children when I'm not there so can't do much about it.Should I be really worried?Should I be asking for a referral to somewhere? Has anyone had a similar problem?

I would want to know what plans have the school laid down to help your child get through this and modify her behaviour?

I would also try to teach her some control techniques .. counting to 10, deep breathing (blowing out candles), even punching a cushion?

she needs to learn how to control her emotions .. don't worry it probably means she's a creative soul

What are her triggers? Does it happen at certain times of day?

Oh thank you for replying - she is very creative and imaginative, and is most like my eldest son who is 15 and very talented artistically. My other son really has a worse temper but always has been perfect at school so they can't believe it, but terrible at home.I have tried some techniques but will try the blowing out candles one.

I did ask about what they were going to do, and they said they just want me to back them up by saying how sad I am with the behaviour.I find the targeting of another child more worrying than the temper loss , really, and can't work out is they're connected or not?

I think 'backing them up' is all very well but also think they need to have a plan of action in place that you can all understand .. a strategy for HELPING your DD

don't you?

It doesn't seem to be at any particular time of day, Ozymandius.She loses it over tiny things - like being asked to put a damp paper towel she'd been holding on her leg because of a graze into the bin. Really silly things where she doesn't want to do what the teacher's asking.

I do agree, Twiglett, but today I was caught on the hop a bit. My DH was getting quite stroppy about what they were going to do, but after 11 years experience of schools, I know you get a better result if you work with them and are seen to be a supportive parent before going in for any kind of criticism.It's a good school and she's a good teacher.Certainly if the situation doesn't improve I will be asking them to formulate a different approach, perhaps based on anger management techniques.