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Behaviour/development

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I don't know what to do about my 5yo behaviour anymore

4 replies

LJDJGJFJ · 10/09/2021 08:13

My son has always been so pleasant, kind and obedient but over the past almost year, he has turned into a different child.

I used to have to ask him to do something once and he did it straight away. He rarely used to get angry and when he did, he was easily brought back down.

I never thought this would be me as I am a Year 1 teacher so I deal with children his age every day.

Now, he almost constantly pulls angry faces and makes growling like noises, he grits his teeth together, threatens to punch and hit. I just don't know how to deal with it as I've never had this before. After school, I see all his friends walking nicely with their parents holding their hands and talking about the day, my so. However is taking to me in the tone of a teenager and shouting at me, or refusing to follow me and hitting me.

He is totally different and I am at my whits end, I feel like I'm bereaving what he used to be and he is making me really dislike him. Many people say it may be due to becoming a big brother back in May, but he has been like this for like I say, almost a year now and it is getting worse. He always tells me he's angry and sometimes says he doesn't want to be angry. I always sit with him and do breathing and counting and encourage him to talk about his feelings as I would with children in my class but nothing changes.

H2B (his dad) says it's all my fault because I am not stern enough with him and that he just walks all over me but I think he is too stern with him and he causes him to become even more angry rather than bringing his anger down. I am more of the belief of taking about it calmly together but H2B says it's useless what I am doing and he shouts at him and takes things away from him constantly and shuts him in his room where our son will then just trash his room up.

I just don't know what to do anymore, I never in a million years thought our son would ever turn like this from the gorgeous angel he used to be Sad

OP posts:
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LJDJGJFJ · 10/09/2021 08:20

Also, I know some people will say about making more time for him without the baby.

His dad takes him swimming a few times a week which he enjoys, and the baby stays with his dad sometimes while I take our son our somewhere nice.

We as a family take him to lovely places every weekend, but I feel like all of this is thrown back in our faces a lot of the time with his behaviour.

OP posts:
Pantheon · 12/09/2021 10:34

Sounds really hard, OP. I don't think his dad's attitude of shouting and shutting him in his room is going to help at all. The opposite, in fact. Has anything else changed in his life? I always find Janet Lansbury really helpful when it comes to anything behaviour or emotion-related. Hope things turn around!

FinallySomeNormality · 12/09/2021 11:51

Could have written something very similar about my 5YO.

He's always been quite highly strung but has mellowed a lot from aged 2.5-3. Started reception last September and behaviour is getting worse as time goes on. He's now just 5 and started YR1.

Behaviour at school/ after school club is apparently good and I know he is well behaved for grandparents but at home is bloody hard work. He's so so so moody. Similar to you, I have to ask a billion times and usually it's met with growling or smart arse responses or even bloody sarcasm! He acts out and gets sulky all the time, even about things that really don't matter at all and seems to find it impossible to let things go. He is not physical with us thankfully, but he is just so moody and sulks. It's like having toddler meltdowns.

Oddly, we also welcomed our second baby earlier this year (June). And, again, oddly, DH is also a primary teacher. So I mean it when I say I totally feel your pain right now!!!!!

I have no advice though. We've tried being reasonable and acknowledging his feelings (I read How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen), tried some rewards, tried taking things away, tried time outs. Nothing has helped really. I just want to enjoy my boy again... I find it hard to spend time with him because it's such hard work constantly trying to cheer him up out of his grumpy tantrums (although spent at least 1.5-2 whole days each week just me and him doing fun things over summer hols in case he felt pushed out by new baby). It's making both me and DH really sad and also a bit worried!

ClaraTheImpossibleGirl · 13/09/2021 20:41

Another one joining the 'grumpy 5yo DS' club Sad

My twin boys are almost 6 - DTS1 has always been the hardest one to manage - borderline ASD, poor hearing & speech, uncontrollable tantrums - well, DTS2 has now decided it's his time for the limelight Confused it's like having a moody teenager in the house! DTS1 seems (more or less) much better behaved and settled, DTS2 just has such a terrible attitude and is rude, unhelpful, surly... like your DS @FinallySomeNormality he seems well behaved for other family and at school and other activities, but I often dread him being at home now. He used to be such a helpful, happy, placid little chap too.

@LJDJGJFJ my DP sounds much the same as yours with the shouting!! It doesn't help that DTS2 is often unable to articulate why he's being so horrible, but I suspect that a lot of it is tiredness, he was particularly awful today after DP kept him up too late last night.

If anyone has any tips/ moral support that would be gratefully received. Alternatively perhaps I can look for a decent boarding school to take him off my hands and return him when he's maybe 21?!

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