Anyone else with a controlling 2;11yr old?

[beakysmum]

I think my ds 2:11 has too much control over making me do something versus my husband doing it.

E.g. need to turn TV off as going to swimming lesson.... although I am standing right there, he wants dh to come in and do it. If we play along with him he will then be as good as gold, otherwise huge tantrum!! (plus possibley missing swimming!)

It doesn't seem the same as playing Mummy off v Daddy e.g to get sweets when one parent has said "no". We both want the tely off.

I think its control as 2nd baby was born 3 months ago and this behaviour started then, nearly always wanting Mummy to do whatever. It's very wearing and frustrating.

Maybe I'm missing the point? Does it just need 2 mins time out same as any other unwanted beahviour???

Just do it the way you want to do it, ignore the resulting tantrum and railroad over it (nicely), and make sure he gets your undivided attention in other ways

bump

my DD is the same, she virtually rules our lives, and its no joke really, she is putting us under so much stress. I love her more than life but it is so hard, of course it doesnt help that DP is a soft touch and encourages this behaviour by bending to her every whim!

Thanks all for your comments.
Good to know I'm not alone LucyEMum. Drives you mad. I guess we do give into it, but only because it gets him to do what we want. Like I said, It's not like either of us give in to demands for sweets/ telly on etc

i think it's totally understandable that he's trying to control things, it's still very early days for him since this life altering, world shaking sibling event!!

Yes it's annoying, but I think it can be 'got round' most of the time rather than punished. By that I mean, for instance with the telly thing, what worked with my (controlling!) ds at this age was making it a game - if he wants his dad to do it, say to him "lets play a game with daddy, you race him to see who can be first to the telly" I bet you he'll literally RACE to do whatever task it is, if it's presented that way rather than as something you're telling him to do. DS also used to think it was hysterical if I bet him that he couldn't do things, he was desperate to do them to show me he could.

I just think there are a million and one little things to try to get kids to do what you want them to, without having to come all heavy or treat it as a discipline thing. Far better often to make it a non-issue than to face it head on; because, as here, he's acting UTTERLY age appropriately, and understandably, because of his sibling....he won't always be the same, as he won't always be two or have a new sibling!

Of course sometimes if it's endless defiance that you can't jolly him out of then you may need time out, I'm just saying that for me working round it worked 99% of the time.

oh and I also think it's important to have a really good hard look at your expectations of him; for instance just using your telly example as you quoted it, I think it can just be easier again to avoid the issue by just doing quick easy stuff yourself without asking ds to do stuff. Because at the moment, you know he's using all he can as a chance to control things; so don't give him so many chances.

Again, don't 'project' this and think he'll never be doing things for himself that he should be; he WILL because he won't always be a completely unreasonable (as they ALL are!) two year old. Things get easier as they get older; you don't have to TRAIN him.