Normal? Gifted? Or something else?

[lynngibson]

A quick summary of my child. He's 3.9 years old, turning 4 in November.

He was slow to reach all his milestones. Over a year before he could walk. Only really started talking in the last 12 months and is now, currently, potty training.

Despite being slow to all these milestones - he seems to race ahead of peers in other ways. He knows his alphabet and has done since age 1. He can count well into the hundreds. He can read basic words and if he doesn't know a word he'll sound it out and give it his best go.

But, most recently, he can name all 195 countries of the world and identify their flags. This interest started with the Euros and then continued with the Olympics. We bought him a little box of country flags and didn't think much of it. But now he can name every country - and knows the corresponding flag. Is this normal???

He does imaginative play but it is limited. He is much more engaged in puzzles. He's been doing simple puzzles since age 1 and now he does 50 piece jigsaws without any help from me or DH.

He still loves playing outside and does have friends - but my fellow mum friends have me concerned as they see his natural ability for learning as something I should be questioning? It's not normal for a 3 year old to know all the flags of the world??

Someone please give me any thoughts or advice.

Over one is slow to hit walking milestone?! I thought they had til 18 months!

What about other developmental milestones? When did he smile? Did he reach to be picked up within the expected time? Did he roll over? Sit unassisted? Crawl on all fours? Babble? Etc

What is his communication like now? Can he hold a reciprocal conversation?

What are his friendships like? Does he lead the play or follow? Or do a bit of both? Does he understand games and turn taking?

I don't know if it's unusual to know all the flags at your son's age. While a part of me wants to say the other mums are just jealous...another part of me does wonder whether if he is excelling in some areas (such as rote learning activities) it means he is lacking in others.

Did you know you can complete an ASQ for his age online?

My son is autistic. He was slow to meet milestones and required support from the relevant people to meet them.

He could count to 20 before he could talk. He is now aged 4 and knows his Alphabet, can count in several languages, knows the planets and calander months and can add and subtract and do some multiplications. He can do imaginative play if it follows his agenda and its usually based on his favourite TV programme. He has friends in the sense kids want to play with him but if I ask him who is friends are he will only ever name one particular girl as he only recognises her as a "friend". He also loves puzzles. Will play puzzle games on his tablet for hours. Today he completed a 200 piece jigsaw without looking at the picture once. He is autistic. He can't hold a conversation that is outside his learned phrases. If I ask him what he did yesterday he can't answer me. If I ask him what he wants to do today he can't answer me.

That certainly sounds clever but i think they're all so different at this age it's hard to know how that's going to translate ITO school etc. My dd age 3.5 could do a 50pc jigsaw alone by age 2.5. She's also good socially, plays lovely with others and by herself, draws some nice pictures on occasion, can write her own name, can count well and (if I trick her into it) occasionally do some simple addition and subtraction, knows multiple nursery rhymes and books pretty much off by heart and is starting to know some of the planets etc and knows all her letters and how to sound a word out. I wouldn't be able to teach her the flags of the world though she'd just run off and start doing handstands lol. I consider all this within the rhelms of normal tbh. I think it's important to celebrate that your child is clearly bright and nurture that but also remember that they need every kind of stimulation at this age. It's not necessarily 'wrong' that he prefers puzzles but if you've identified that he struggles with making friends and imaginitive play etc then perhaps try and encourage a bit of this. Is it also worth getting him into a hobby of some sort which will nurture his interests such as music lessons or playing chess for example? I would just enjoy him. It's a long road to adulthood and perhaps he doesn't need the label of 'gifted' right now x

Sometimes TV shows will have very young kids demonstrate knowledge like your son does. Search on YouTube for "Ellen Child Genius" and you can see young kids knowing the names of all the bones in the human body or whatever.

I'm not sure how quickly or easily you can teach a child this sort of thing. Mine could recognize the manufacturer of cars and motorbikes by their logo long before they even considered learning to read.

Your son sounds very smart and I applaud his determination to keep on going with the learning when it would probably be more typical to lose interest well before reaching 190+ countries

@Bombleton

Over one is slow to hit walking milestone?! I thought they had til 18 months!

What about other developmental milestones? When did he smile? Did he reach to be picked up within the expected time? Did he roll over? Sit unassisted? Crawl on all fours? Babble? Etc

What is his communication like now? Can he hold a reciprocal conversation?

What are his friendships like? Does he lead the play or follow? Or do a bit of both? Does he understand games and turn taking?

I don't know if it's unusual to know all the flags at your son's age. While a part of me wants to say the other mums are just jealous...another part of me does wonder whether if he is excelling in some areas (such as rote learning activities) it means he is lacking in others.

Did you know you can complete an ASQ for his age online?

My son is autistic. He was slow to meet milestones and required support from the relevant people to meet them.

He could count to 20 before he could talk. He is now aged 4 and knows his Alphabet, can count in several languages, knows the planets and calander months and can add and subtract and do some multiplications. He can do imaginative play if it follows his agenda and its usually based on his favourite TV programme. He has friends in the sense kids want to play with him but if I ask him who is friends are he will only ever name one particular girl as he only recognises her as a "friend". He also loves puzzles. Will play puzzle games on his tablet for hours. Today he completed a 200 piece jigsaw without looking at the picture once. He is autistic. He can't hold a conversation that is outside his learned phrases. If I ask him what he did yesterday he can't answer me. If I ask him what he wants to do today he can't answer me.

He was slow with all the basic milestones. Walked at 15 months. Never did actually crawl. Couldn't sit unaided until 8/9 months.

He does enjoy imaginative play but it has to be learning based or have a learning element or he gets bored. He has no interest in toy figures or anything like that. His fav tv show at the moment is "Daniel tigers neighbourhood" on Netflix and I believe it's because every episode has a learning element.

He can speak freely and unaided now. We went through the "phrases" stage but now he can hold his own conversation - however speech still isn't crystal clear. But he won't engage in a conversation that doesn't interest him. I could ask him what he wants for dinner and he could reply "I love flags." So then I'd say what's your favourite flag and he'd name one. So I know he understands everything I say he just ignores what doesn't appeal to him.

The friend thing is strange. He considers his best friend to be my best friends little boy - which makes sense as they are always together and go to nursery together. But in all his time at nursery he's never been able to name another child for me. He'll just say he plays with "all my friends and the teacher."

I've thought about autism before I won't lie. But over the past year I thought against it as he is sociable - albeit he prefers adults. But he's not shy, he talks, holds eye contact and is affectionate.

I have a meeting with his nursery on September 10th. They told me he's reading at a primary 2 level so they want to have a 12 month action plan in place before he starts school a year from now.

Well I must admit that he sounds very similar to my son. We had to fight and fight and fight for anyone to listen to our concerns.

My dad was a teacher and wanted him diagnosed before he got to school because he knew he would get lost in the system.

My son is the type of autistic who masks to get through the day and then when he comes home he has a meltdown because of feeling completely overwhelmed. School cannot see any signs of autism. He would have undoubtedly got lost. He never flags up on the standardised assessments including the WELCOMM or the ASQ, because unless you really know what you are looking for he won't present as anything but a "talented mathematician".

I am in constant rows with the SENCO as she won't provide any support despite his diagnosing team saying that is on the 9th percentile for receptive language. She will not have it. So I'm applying for a parental EHCP.

The only way we got a diagnosis was because my husband refused a discharge from hospital (he was in and out of hospital in his first year with so many infections) until someone took us seriously. So the consultant agreed to see us in outpatients. She ran some genetics tests and he was diagnosed with a microdeletion. We were able to get an out of area second opinion with this diagnosis (our community paediatrician was about as much help as the senco) and finally we met people who knew what autism can actually look like.

I listened to autistic adults since. They unanimously agree that the diagnosis and the explanation for their being different is everything to them. For me it's allowing me to fight for things to be put in place in school for when he gets to an age where its not just about learning your Alphabet and reciting timetables. He needs nurturing with careful though for his mental health when growing up in an NT world as an autistic.

He is very socially motivated. He loves to be around people, has great eye contact (when masking), great sense of humour, very kind and caring and thoughtful and almost has too much empathy. If he sees a friend being mistreated, he will well up. And then fight for their justice. He loves his baby sister so much. And he tries so, so hard to fit in when he can.

Autism isn't about what we see on television, it's about the subtle problems with language and socialising and sensory needs which can impact so heavily on their lives.

Xxx

I very much agree with previous posters. Some things you mentioned, while on the advanced side would not be uncommon, i.e. I have seem many just turned 4YR olds or slightly younger be able to count to over a hundred, do simple summation and subtraction (4+3 or 5-2, etc), read and comprehend simple sentences by themselves (or even full simple 20 page books, 3-5 sentences per page), etc, so that in itself would not be concerning or uncommon. However I feel from your description that too many "things" are going one on too many areas.

His delays when younger (did he point to show interests and to request things by 18M? and did he show/give you things of interest by 14M? if not, it would concerning), his restrictive interests (i.e. the learning element to them) which tends to lead to obsessive behavior, atypical conversational responses liked to interests, limited imagination that have limited his ability to enjoy certain toys, his preference to adults over his children (adults are much easier to read and control that unpredictable children), his struggle or lack of interest in making new friends - the only friend he talks about is the person that is "placed" next to him everyday, a typical 4YR old would be making new friends and falling out of friendships on a weekly basis and would normally be very vocal about this.

Autism can be very different to the the examples shown on TV or on the internet which normally focuses on stereotypical behavior. I have seen countless young children with autism which are confident, great speakers, excellent eye contact, very warm and affectionate, full of smiles, full of empathy, very socially motivated, etc... autism is not about any of those things. I am certainly not saying that he has autism, I don't think anyone could tell you that, but I would certainly keep a very close eye on his development.