Toddler moved from cot to bed, after 10 day grace period ... meltdown (long, sorry)

[MuffinMclay]

Moved ds from a cot to a bed abut 2 weeks ago. The cot is needed soon for ds2, and ds1 was starting to climb out anyway.

At first he loved the bed. Kept going to sit in it during the day, smiling away. Went to bed without any problems (apart from falling out a couple of times) at night and for daytime naps. In fact, seemed be sleeping better there than in the cot.

It has started going wrong now. We had a few nights where he woke in the night and was screaming hysterically. It seemed more like tantrums than nightmares. Thursday night he refused to go to bed (kept climbing out, being put back, repeat ad infinitum), then woke up stupidly early on Friday and would not go back to bed. Despite not napping in the day (normally has 2 hours and is unbearable if he doesn't),we had a repeat performance at bedtime on Friday (until he fell asleep sitting up, mid-tantrum, after about an hour of screaming).

He then woke at 12, and was screaming until 4am.

I don't know how to handle this! When the screaming is in full flow he won't let me near him, let alone hold him. When the screaming subsides, he lets me hold him, but the moment I let go it all starts again.

As this strategy didn't seem to be working I tried just putting him back in bed each time he got out, without saying anything (hoping he'd get bored), which worked eventually. But I worry that that seems cruel, and will make him form horrible bed associations.

Don't know where to go from here. I don't want to put him back into the cot or have him sleep in my bed. I'm also conscious that he could be disturbing my neighbour.

How old is he?

The screaming bit sounds like night terrors, which are pretty normal and might be a coincidence - or might be triggered by the bed thing.

My dd loved her 'big girl bed' for about a week, then started to cry and throw wobblers and refuse to get in it. Its typical of her for any change - first, the novelty is wonderful, then the reality of the loss hits!

In the end, I told her a bedtime story about an ant that got too big for its ant-hole home, and was very very sad. I made it up as I went along, can't remember it all but basically a friend ant came by and asked why she was crying, got told, and whilst understanding also took Ant by the hand and showed her a lovely, new, bigger ant-hole next door to his. And was then v happy, though sometimes remembered her first ant-hole fondly etc etc

Amazingly, this calmed dd down hugely and she asked for the story for several evenings in a row - then that was that, and bed was accepted.

I do think a big bed can seem very scary to a tiny child who has never known anything but a contained space - so I guess whatever helps him feel understood and safe might help. Maybe help him choose lots of cuddly toys to put around him, to sleep with? Does he have a side guard thing? dd loves hers, she knows she can't roll out. Or start off with the mattress on the floor, till he gets used to it?

The waking and screaming might be a coincidence - it sounds like typical toddler night terrors: v upsetting to witness, but pretty normal. dd had a few phases of this, and touching her made it worse - I used to sit in the room with her, but say nothing, or just 'shh shh' till it passed. The more I intervened, the worse it got. They may have been triggered by the change in beds, of course - so as he gets safer in his new one, they may ease.

Night terrors, by the way, usually mean the child is not awake - they do'nt remember anything the next day, and can't respond/relate normally during them.

HTH

Thank you. Love the ant story.

I don't think they are night terrors. He has had those in the past, where he is screaming but doesn't seem to see me. These are more like full blown tantrums.

I don't now if it is bed based (although that seems obvious), or something else. I'm wondering if perhaps he is aware that dc2 is on the way, and is anxious? I've started talking to him about it this week, and he points to the bump during the day. He is only 19 months, so I'm not sure how aware he is.

Will install the bed guard tonight. I've borrowed one from a friend.

I have put a stairgate across his door, but he can open it, so it is all a bit pointless.

Good, re bed guard, hope it helps

I think they understand a lot by 19 months, albeit in an emotional, vague sort of way. Perhaps its a mix of big bed/bump/change generally.

I know what you mean about tantrums rather than night terrors, though my dd's night terrors took the form of tantrums - she was furious with me during them, thats for sure. And they happened while I was pg, and then after dd2's arrival. BUT she didnt' remember them, and didn't respond normally (for her) during them. Perhaps they were night tantrums

dd was 2.4 when she switched beds, so not sure if 19 months is too young for stories and talk of sharing his bed with all his cuddly friends/superheroes would help...also have no experience of boys, if that makes any difference...but hell, anything is worth a try when you're pg and being woken up by distressed child!

Good luck, hope he works through it soon and you get some sleep - you'll probably never quite know what the cause was

Oh dear, poor you and ds.

Have you tried playing pretend sleeping games in the bed during the day? (If it is related to the bed - might not be) So you pretend to put them to bed and do it all giggly 'night, night' and leave and then come back and say 'hello!'. Or tuck up a teddy in bed and then he can say night night and go downstairs like you and then come back to find them still sleeping. Lots of silly games to try and get him enjoying his bed again.

But reading your last post it sounds more like baby stuff - I am convinced my 19mth knows that I am pregnant even though I am only 8 weeks! I am doing lots of games like holding dd like a baby, letting her be a baby and cry and i cuddle her, and cradling her and giving her kisses. But it sounds really hard, my dd has just started screaming when she wakes from a nap and is fairly inconsolable - won't tell me what she wants or anything. not sure if it's teeth or something else, but it's damn hard. I would def try and snap him out of it - unless you think it is night terrors. Pocoyo works for us in breaking her scream-cycle, or taking her outside and putting a light on in the night

mummymagic, if its any consolation, dd1 did some utter-grumpy stuff when waking from her nap at that age - and it was quite a while before I was pregnant, so more age related than baby related. I found half an hour of juice/CBeebies and general mollycoddling the fastest way through - then she would perk up again. Its a tough phase, I am not looking forward to that one with dd2 - and my motehr assures me we ALL did it at around 2

Is the bed big enough so that you can get in with him? My 18-month-old is in a proper twin (her choice, always hated the cot) and when she wakes in the night I just lie down with her until she goes back to sleep. I find if I can get in there before she's completely awake she goes back off really easily and I can get up or comfortably stay there.

Last night was much better, but I don't want to speak too soon. He had big tantrums about going to bed, but only for 20 minutes or so. Then stayed in bed chatting and singing to himself for 20 minutes before falling asleep. He slept through until 6am, which was fine.

I put the bed guard up at the side, which may have helped, although he can still get over and round the sides. The only problem with it is that I can't get over it to get into the bed with him, if need be, because my bump is too big (it is a bunk bed).

Thanks Eli - it is a consolation! She is such a happy little thing most of the time so heartbreaking to see her racked with sobs .

Muffin glad your ds slept better last night - I am in first trimester and getting into bed with her at the first waking (11 or 3ish) as otherwise I feel like throwing up after about 30secs. No idea what I am going to do when I am too big...