Melting down right now

[supervixen]

Hey sorry I dont know where else to go. Atm listening to my 3.6 year old girl crying in her bed, she refuses to go to be so I have just left her because I have had enough. Shes been crying for about half an hour and I am going bananas.

On a lucky night she will stay up till 11pm playing in her room then fall asleep, I dont understand how she cant be tired, if im unlucky she will want to stay up and cry or want to sleep in my bed.

Im so very selfish and want her in her own bed so I can have some me time for once in the day. I am so fed up I feel like crying. Im not a natural mother

Rubbish, of course it's not selfish to want some time to yourself - If she's often up until 11pm you must both be exhausted.

What time does she get up and does she have a sleep during the day?

Oh supervixen, we've all been there, you're a very natural mother.

My advice is, get her up now and tell her there will be 10 minutes dancing. Put some music on and keep her and you on the go for 15 mins (max). Then put her to bed again, kiss goodnight, put the light out and tell her that if she doesn't stay in her room till morning (bathroom trips excepted) she will lose a specified privilege (with our dc it is tv watching). If she breaks this then make sure you carry out the threat.

After lights out is "Mummy and Daddy time" my dh says. Notice I don't recommend you tell her that she must sleep, or even that she must keep the light off - just not to bother you, basically.

In future do 10 mins dancing before bed to wear her out and factor more exercise into the day, and less time in the car or in front of tv/play station. (Do 3 yos do play station? I don't know.)

hey, thanks for replying, she doesnt nap no, and gets up at about 7.30-8am. I dont know how she cant sleep, she just wants to sleep in my bed and she says she hates her bed. I thought she might be having too much sugar so I made sure she didnt have much but she still wont sleep. She is just wailing for her mummy, she will start smashing things soon!

not a natural mother?of course you are you need time to yourself to keep sane

Hi elasticwoman, thanks. Will try it in a sec. She wont sleep with the light out! thats prob why she doesnt sleep but she says shes scared of the dark. Off to try dancin now, she is usually very active in the day, today she has spent half the day on a trampoline at a friends and all morning at preschool, no tv at all! oh well here goes.....

Sorry, forgot some children don't like the dark. Can you reduce the light in the room, though, to a level in which she will sleep?

My DS1 wanted to sleep in my bed all the time at the same age. I'm afraid the only way we found to solve it was to let him cry.

Not saying Elastic's advice isn't good and I'd certainly try that first, but it didn't work for us.

If you decide to let her cry, you need to decide and stick to it with absolutely no backing down. So if she's in bed but crying, you leave her. If she get's up you put her back without talking.

It's absolutely horrid, but it took only 3 nights for our son to be going to bed happily at 7:30 and staying there all night and he still is 3 years later. Some children can keep it up for hours and it is heartbreaking, but you must never give in. If they get the message that crying for an hour will eventually bring them to mummy's bed, it will always be worth doing it again.

As I said this is horrible, so I would try Elastic's kinder (on you) method first and if you do decide to try it this way, pick a time when you will have some support and are feeling reasonably stong yourself. But be assured it will work.

Our DS1 is afraid of A LOT of things. We have a night light on which we say are fairies that will look after him when mummy and daddy aren't there. It's right next to his bed and he always asks if the fairies are there before he goes to bed. He is well aware that it is just a night light as he turns it off in the morning but he can see its on whichever way he looks.

well the going to her didnt work lol she is still screaming, i got to the bottom of it though she doesnt want to be left alone. Going to have to leave her to cry I think, eek!
Thanks for all your advice, you have all really helped calm me down.

I just wanted to add, you have all been so kind and I never expected such quick replies, Im so grateful. thanks again.

tomorrow why don't you and her pick a nice photo of you and other family members,put in a pretty frame - then when she feels alone - she can look at the photo - even have it in bed with her if she likes - might work

Thanks northern i will try anything lol

Spoo, thanks DD has a night light but she wont believe anything I tell her, she is just not conned, worst luck!