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Can’t get DS to try on school uniform

7 replies

GadyLaLa · 18/08/2021 20:31

DS has just turned 4 & he starts school in September. He’s currently being assessed for ASD & has an EHCP for starting school. He has some sensory issues, especially with clothing.
I’ve bought all his school uniform & I’m trying to encourage him to try it on, even just 1 item. He gets quite upset at the mere mention of the uniform & won’t even look at it, never mind try it on.
I’m dreading his first day at school as I know he’s going to refuse to wear it, & I don’t know whether I need to be firm & insist he wears it/force it on him, or if I should just let him wear what he wants & send the uniform in with him.
I know I sound silly but I feel I’ll be gutted if he doesn’t wear it - I don’t want him to stand out like a sore thumb & be labelled as ‘different’ right from the word go, & I don’t want to be judged by other parents for not dressing him correctly. I’m feeling like a bit of a failure about it all.
But equally I definitely don’t want him to be distressed/uncomfortable & hate school because of the uniform.
I’ve spoken briefly to the school’s SENCO & she was a bit like “it’ll be fine, don’t worry” but I don’t think he’ll magically change his mind about it & just wear it.
Any tips, or anyone with any experience of this kind of thing & how you got around it?

OP posts:
Bombleton · 18/08/2021 23:26

Yes! My son is the same age. No EHCP though - current bone of contention without not fit for purpose SENCO.

Firstly, there is no way in the world I would be able to get my son to wear his uniform if it wasn't a school day. Similarly, after one amount meltdown during "world book day" I have sworn to never buy into non uniform day nonsense again.

Apart from this being a possibility. Is there anything else that might be bothering him? Like the seams or the texture or the washing labels or have they been washed yet? Do they smell like his? (your washing powder).

Can you put a favourite top of his under the jumper? Or if they are navy trousers, have u got some alternative navy Joggers he can wear?

Can you do a social story or a preparation story?
Reception are so lenient with this sort of stuff. I'm sure he won't be the only kid in the class who is resisting the conformity that uniform brings.

If all else fails, take it from me, don't force the issue. Send him in with the uniform in a bag. He might get changed once he is there and realises it's the norm because all the other kids are wearing it.

Also, think about the first day/week. The kids will be so nervous or excited they won't be paying any attention to clothes. Kids that age don't hold the same concerns about fashion as we do.
And the parents will be too busy crying at the gate and taking photos of their own kids to worry about who is wearing what.

Plenty of kids in my son's class (he was in school nursery where uniform was required) rocked up in all sorts over the past year. A boy came in full power ranger fancy dress, a girl used to come wearing pink leggings giving zero cares, another
boy wore white trainers, my son once when in with his sunglasses on, a wooly hat, carrying an umbrella, wearing shorts and a winter coat. He couldn't have cared less what people thought. I cared. But all I got was banter about dressing for all weather because we never knew whether it was going to rain, snow or shine from one minute to the next at that point. I think that day was the day I made most of my mum friends due to having a talking point.

Good luck xxx

Bombleton · 18/08/2021 23:29

I've only recently started using this site...is there anyway I can edit my posy to correct my many typo's?

Bombleton · 18/08/2021 23:29

Post *

KangarooSally · 19/08/2021 04:48

@Bombleton you can report it and ask moderators to fix it for you but can't fix anything yourself unfortunately

GadyLaLa · 19/08/2021 07:36

@Bombleton thanks so much for your response.
I think he’s worried about starting school & thinks if he doesn’t put the uniform on he won’t have to go. Maybe he can’t understand why I’m trying to make him wear it when he’s not going yet? I feel like if I don’t try & start encouraging him to wear it now I’ll never get him to wear it by his first day. But actually to him it’ll feel like forever away, perhaps I need to leave it until nearer the time.
I haven’t washed anything yet, I was holding off in case any of it needs to be returned. But that’s a really good idea & might help!
I think I’ll be able to persuade him to wear school trousers as he does wear these currently for nursery, although he’d prefer joggers. I think M&S do long-sleeved polo shirts ( he won’t wear short sleeves) so I might get some of them & hopefully school will agree that’s a reasonable compromise if I can’t get him to wear the proper uniform. It’s meant to be a shirt, tie & jumper Hmm which I think is a bit much to expect of a 4 year old!
I think you’re right about the first day/first week - other parents will be too busy with their own kids to notice mine, & I doubt other kids will care much what DS is wearing. I have it in my head that everyone else’s kids are 100% perfectly behaved & do whatever they’re told all the time, & of course it’s not actually true, there will probably be other parents in a similar boat to me!
I just want it to all go smoothly & for him to feel happy & settled. I don’t suppose what he wears really matters in the grand scheme of things!

OP posts:
Bombleton · 19/08/2021 07:47

Well I can completely relate to all of that.

Have you got a visual time table? We have got a 40 day blank metre by metre calendar which we stick pics on for what we are doing each day. And then at the end we have got a pic of school. Just so he gets used to the idea of going.

Has your teacher sent anything out regarding the school and classroom? I've asked our reception to send photos of the cloakroom and toilets and play areas, play ground, entrance and exits so that i could do a preparation story. She wrote the story herself and sent it out to the class, so it might be something your teacher might do.

I'm so glad he has an EHCP. I'm going to apply for a parental one and get things on it regarding his reluctance to go to school so they need to be lenient with his attendance or lateness. I'm also going to request he is given no homework expectations, because there is no way I could get him to do any and I'm not putting either of us through that sort of needless stress.

A social story might help with clarifying wjth him what the purpose of the uniform is I.e. so he can get involved with the messy play so it will protect his skin and home clothes, so that everyone knows which school he belongs too (I have run out of ideas, u may have to Google the purpose of school uniform).

Also, have you joined the Facebook group Autism Inclusivity? You might get lots more and better answers there. Xxx

Bombleton · 19/08/2021 07:48

[quote KangarooSally]@Bombleton you can report it and ask moderators to fix it for you but can't fix anything yourself unfortunately[/quote]
Thank you, I'll just have to try to be more careful 🤣🙈👍

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