Toddler different at nursery

[loui92]

I have just been called in for a meeting at my LBs nursery. He is 28months and has a stop start introduction to nursery (3 days a week) due to covid and me keeping him at home.
The nursery manager said she had observed him playing alongside but not with other children, showing little emotion and not following instructions. This is completely different to the child I have at home. He is sociable, imaginative plays and is able to put a name to the emotion he’s feeling. His key workers have never stated any concerns and the nursery manager said at the moment she wasn’t concerned. I don’t see any reason for her pulling me for this meeting apart from causing me huge anxiety and confusion.
This probably makes no sense but what would you do in my situation?
Thank you.

Obviously meet with her, and listen to her concerns with an open mind.

What do you think she could possibly have to gain by raising concerns with a parent, if there were none ?

dc are often different at home - where they might be the only child, or one of two or three - from how they respond in a Nursery environment which might have 20+ dc in the room. At home I shouldn't imagine they have to wait their turn, or share, or learn to communicate with others. We as parents understand what our dc want, or need and adapt without realising it half the time. It is different once they are in a group - be that at Nursery or school.

@Kite22

Obviously meet with her, and listen to her concerns with an open mind.

What do you think she could possibly have to gain by raising concerns with a parent, if there were none ?

dc are often different at home - where they might be the only child, or one of two or three - from how they respond in a Nursery environment which might have 20+ dc in the room. At home I shouldn't imagine they have to wait their turn, or share, or learn to communicate with others. We as parents understand what our dc want, or need and adapt without realising it half the time. It is different once they are in a group - be that at Nursery or school.

Yeah, agreed. I very rarely hear of a child presenting the same in an educational setting and at home. It can go both ways, the problems are all presenting themselves at home and nursery or school can't see it or vice versa.

It might be something that needs further thought and assessment or it might be nothing. But the only thing you can do at the moment is communicate with the nursery manager. Ultimately you both want the same thing, to support your child in the best way possible.

God, I wish I had had someone like your manager in our nursery!

Good luck xxx

Definitely go in with an open mind but not unusual at all for little ones to be different at home to at nursery. A friend of mine had the same thing and was called in and after showing the manger videos of her little one at home they couldn’t believe the difference. Does your nursery use an app where you can upload videos or photos of activities at hone? Ours does this and likes us to do it at least once a week as they can then discuss what the children have been doing at the weekend etc. Might help give nursery a more rounded picture of your little on?

Until they're 3 I don't think it's considered unusual for a child to play alongside others is it? What does she mean but not showing much emotion? Two year olds are often not great at following instructions are they?? I'm not sure what's she's getting at? Is she suggesting he might be autistic? That his behaviour is a problem? It seems a bit of a random collection of observations but when you see a lot of children as she would sometimes these things are more obvious to you.

Of course it's worth meeting up as his behaviour may be quite different in a group setting and she may have noticed things that you as his mum don't (mine wasn't diagnosed until 10 but looking back there were lots of little red flags that I didn't think anything of or put down to age or being an only child etc). Go with an open mind and don't write off what she says because it doesn't match your experience, he's very young so it might well be his age, but better for you to just be aware so you can bare it in mind as he gets older.

Surely it's brilliant they care enough to have a meeting with you? I'd be grateful. And yes, most children are different at nursery than at home. My oldest son is a nightmare at home but apparently wonderful at nursery.