How to manage a child who has little or no respect

[Greengrotbag]

Hello,
My 8 year old ds has always been very stubborn and likes doing his own thing rather than following what we need or would like him to do. He's wonderfully funny and loving, and is really bright and knows it...to a point where he speaks to us very disrespectfully until he gets into trouble. He constantly tries to negotiate (e.g. I'll brush my teeth if you let me have tv).
He's become rude to a point of embarrassment in public, he doesn't seem to care about anything. I remove him but this isn't really sustainable in long term.
We've been doing positive reinforcement since he was very small. His dad thinks smacking is the answer, and my MIL keeps saying so too. I am against this, as is the law obviously. I think it'll only make him more aggressive anyhow.
Can anyone suggest a strategy or two please? I offer options and ask him what he needs from me. But he is getting worse and my different opinion of approach is causing a big rift with my DH.

I think there are lots of alternatives to smacking and agree with you, violence just leads to violence.

I think you might benefit from a clear strategy that you can both follow.

How about Raising Your Spirited Child or How to Talk to Kids?

Thanks for the advice and book suggestion, I'll check that out.

Is he like this at school as well? Is it worth following the strategies that school uses? He needs to understand that being rude is hurtful to Mummy. Furthermore, if he doesn't offer respect, he shouldn't expect it. A conversation you should be able to have with a bright 8yo (little and often).