Struggling with my 2 year old

[Rebecca181220]

So up until a few months ago I had an absolute angel toddler, who was such a joy to be with. He's had fantastic speech and communication since he was about 14 months, so we've been able to have a good conversation for ages. So I do wonder if this is all my fault because I do "forget" he's still only 2 as he seems much older and maybe I am expecting too much of him.

Suddenly without warning, now he's nearing 3 the terrible 2s have just set in. He is whingy and whining most of the day, never happy, I can't get him to focus or play on a game or activity for more than a minute, he picks at his food when he's always been a great eater.
All of this I could probably deal with, but he recently picked up some swear words (my dad does his best not to swear when my sons neae but has slipped a few times), so now my son tells anyone and everyone to p**s off at any opportunity. He's also started hitting, kicking and biting - it seems to be just towards me though.

Nothing works. I started doing time out, as my primary school teacher friend recommended, but he'd just sit there and scream til constantly until I gave in. He has great understanding so I have explained why these things arent nice, and make me/whoever he is swearing at upset. He seems to understand and says sorry but then instantly does the same thing again.
Ignoring the swearing makes him louder, ignoring the kicking or hitting gets me bruised.

Nothing I'm doing works and I'm struggling so much.
I'm at the point now where I'm too embarrassed to leave the house. I work from home now so I don't have to leave him with my parents and get their report of how horrible he has been. We don't meet friends or do our usual activities because I'm sick of feeling embarrassed when he's swearing and screaming/hitting me in public.

Someone tell me it gets better? Is there anyway to get rid of the swear word? Even if I shout he still finds it funny.

I think I'm mainly sad I feel like I've lost the little boy I used to have such fun with.

I mean this kindly but time outs aren't suitable for young children - they don't understand the concept or why they have been excluded just that you have excluded them and they don't learn anything from that.

In my experience patience is the only thing that will get you through. He's still so little and he's not doing it on purpose.

With the swearing, don't react and stop your DH doing it, if your LO doesn't hear it he will in time stop using those words.

With the hitting and kicking, I found it best to hold mine at arms length and redirect the emotion so for example: We don't hit, hitting hurts, I won't let you hit me but you can hit this cushion. Keep your explanation short and calm, it will work in time but it will take time.

Someone once told me to think of my 2/3 year old as a pot boiling over as it can't contain it's emotions any more which helped to put it in perspective.

Don't be embarrassed though, there are plenty of toddlers screaming all over the country. Just focus on your little one and helping him get through it, that's what's important not what some judgy old biddy thinks.

Thanks for this. I do think it's probably relatively normal for his age but I just feel a little over my head. Single parent, first and only child. My nephew was never like this so I've no experience at all.

I have tried ignoring the swearing, it seems he doesn't say it when we're home alone together, it's as soon as he's got an audience. Everything is worse with him when there's others around.
Other than himself saying it, he's not heard those words said by anyone else since April. I know this as he's been with me the entire time, and we've not seen anyone else for a few weeks now.

It's so hard to not feel embarrassed what others think as your 2 year old is shouting p**s off in public. We used to go to a wonderful toddler play place/cafe regularly, but I've stopped going as I'd be horrified as a parent if my kid started saying that because of another toddler there.
I'll try again with ignoring it, and praying it'll stop.

Is you being a single parent a recent thing? If so I'd put money on the change having an effect too.

If the trigger is being with lots of people, I wonder if it's a reaction to that. Is he scared? Maybe ramp up the attention when in those type of situations and try to make sure you're seeing people regularly. But the pandemic does not make that a totally comfortable experience even with vaccines!

Oh sorry I misread your Dad for DH! Definitely get your Dad to stop.

I also tried humour when I got desperate so: what's that you don't want to come here.... Well the big mummy tiggle monster is coming to get you. Then run around chasing them for a bit, that one always worked. It's exhausting though especially when what you really want to say is can you please just here and stop messing around 🤦

Oh and if it makes you feel any better my DD just asked my DH if our dog was being a pain in the arse. Very clearly, very loudly.

Thanks for your replies.
The pain in the arse comment made me laugh haha.

My sons dad left within minutes of finding out I was pregnant, so not a recent thing and my sons never known different.
There's been no changes happening when my son changed from being nice to being a devil.

Also my dad doesn't constantly swear or anything. When my son overheard him saying that phrase he was on the phone to his friend, he had left the room to talk but my son eventually followed him, my dad probably hadn't realised he'd entered the room when he said it. I don't blame him at all as these things happen, I'm just annoyed that it was months ago and my son is still parroting the phrase.

I don't mind normal toddler behaviour. I've never felt embarrassed if he's had a tantrum or silly moment in public before. Its just recently that he's ramped up the horrible behaviour in public, that now I'd rather stay home every day than live in fear of my toddler.

Just this morning I unfortunately had to go to the Dr's, and of course had to take him with me. I took a few books and a couple of his little dinosaurs in case we were waiting a while. We were only there for 10 minutes in total and he shouted piss off in the waiting area 6 times. Its for no reason aswell, not responding to anything. If he was throwing a fit and said it maybe id not mind so much?? But he was just sitting "reading" quietly and suddenly looked up at me to shout it. I tried distraction again and we played I spy, as the windows of my Dr's point out into a nice big garden, this helped for a little while then he was shouting it again.

Idk, I'm just lost. I can't find a cause for saying it and he seems to understand it's wrong but does it anyways.