Please help - very scared 4 year old.

[mumtobe02]

My son is 4 years old, for the past 2 years he’s become extremely scared of everything. Me and my husband are really concerned now. And feel like we are at a brick wall, we have spoke with health visitor (as I have a 9month old) called doctor and they say it’s just a phase he is going though. I just want to share an example of day to day life, not even sure why I’m writing on here to be honest but I feel I need some help or reassurance.

He’s extremely scared of the bin lorry to the extent that he doesn’t want to leave the house on bin day, and is completely obsessed talking about it. He loves watching them on tv & toys but his fear is getting out of control now he doesn’t want to go out.

He’s just developed a fear of doors being left open ie front door, car doors and will have a melt down until they are closed and panics.

Wind, he has a fear of the wind and again if it’s a really windy day he will be reluctant to leave the house, but seems to be getting a bit better with this.

Nursery he won’t sit at the big table because there was a work man in fixing the roof one day, and ever since he refuses to sit at the table with all the other kids.

I must stress he is also a very social little boy who has lots of friends at nursery & home. His speech is good since a young age . He can be quite hyper and gets excited and starts to shake if that makes sense.

If we get into these situations he will get extremely upset hand scream & cry and shakes- full blown melt down.

Just wondering if anyone has any advice, or child is similar?

Thanks , Cheryl

Hi Op, this sounds really stressful for you all .. from reading your post I wonder if your son perhaps has a sensory issue, I’m thinking more related to noise that makes him anxious and the anticipation of it happening again. His emotional meltdowns are likely a “fight or flighty response” to feeling anxious about this particular trigger. Does he manage well in preschool with the general noise/ transitions?

Thanks for your reply

At nursery he doesn't like the hoover, and at the minute won't sit with the other children at lunch time because a workman was drilling in that area one day and he says the workman will come back, so the nursery are slowly bringing his table closer to the other children.

Nursery have no concerns we do talk about it regularly with them but they say it will hopefully just be a phase.

He has another year of nursery left as he just missed the cut off for school.

Just not sure what our next steps are? I feel everyone just brushes us off when we mention it, it's certainly not nice to live with as it's now putting us off doing things with him, trying our best to just go about our lives as normal but it's emotionally draining everyday.

If it is a sensory issue what would our next steps be?

Thank you x

..I’ve had a similar issue with my son who is also 4 but his were more triggered by events at his nursery. You’ve got my full sympathy as it’s really upsetting and put me on edge all the time worrying whether he had developmental issues that were not being picked up by his nursery or us. Eventually we paid privately for him to be assessed by a educational psychologist and I’m glad we did it - we were given really good strategies both at home and in nursery to support him. Being told by a professional what the issue was made me feel much better about his behaviour and I saw it all in a different light and things have really improved for him and us . In your situation you may want to bite the bullet and think about a child psychologist as it’s more related to when he’s at home with you rather than at preschool but the issues you describe will be bread and butter to a good child psychologist.. good luck 😀

Thanks for your advice, I've now been in contact with a psychologist in my area, and explained the situation. It can only help us surly! As I said we have hit a brick wall so any help at the minute is a blessing!

How did your 4 year old get on? What kind of things would happen at a session with your psychologist?

X

Hi Op, am really glad we did it. He really enjoyed the session as its all just play for them and we got great feedback afterwards about strategies to support him. It put my mind at rest .. I really hope it helps you all xx

I hope the session goes well. I was going to suggest while you wait maybe noise cancelling headphones could help? My friends son has them to help in loud situations to feel calmer.