Does this sound normal - 8 yo DS

[headintheproverbial]

I feel at such a loss. We've never really considered that there could be something 'wrong' but my 8yo DS is just such hard work. Often it feels he dominates our entire household because we have to rotate around his behaviour. It's really hard to summarise but here are the main features:

• LOUD - he's the loudest person I've ever met. He practically shouts when he speaks and makes noise from the moment he wakes unless he's in front of a screen or highly engrossed in something (hearing is fine)
• ignores ignores ignores us, every time we leave the house even at age 8 it's eleventy billion reminders to get dressed, find his shoes, check his bag or whatever. Doesn't follow instructions without being nagged relentlessly
• can be very single minded: gets an idea into his head and then just bangs on about it until it's over at which point it's dropped
• has had some friendship issues. School always tells us he's happy and popular. He plays with lots of children but hasn't got any special friends or a group and has gotten into some scrapes
• can be highly emotional - can get very angry or very upset over seemingly small things
• I think sometimes struggles to see his impact on others or understand how others feel about what he does or how he behaves although he can be very caring and sensitive

The 'hard work' part of him is just so hard to describe. Nothing feels easy. But when I contrast him with his younger sibling in particular it's striking. I also notice it more and more in relation to his friends who seem more easy going, compliant, good at listening

Having said all this he's cheerful, academically bright, interacts happily with other kids, loves his sibling and us and is goofy and fun. He's adorable in his own way!

Am I missing something? Is this just what 8 year olds are like? Or is there something underlying this?

It sounds like he might have ADHD in all honesty. My DD has ADD...so she's not got the hyperactive element but does have the attention deficit.

The repeated instructions, the emotional outbursts are familiar.

Is his room a mess? His bag? His drawer at school?

@FortunesFave I have a child with ADHD, she has a pristine room! 😂 It's more her thoughts etc that she can't organise, as opposed to physical things. She's never been one for emotional outbursts either. When she was 8, she was a whirlwind. Did not stop talking, moving etc. Took hours and hours for her to get to sleep at night.

She's very academically bright, like the OPs child. She has a great sense of humour and got on well with other kids. She also didn't have a solid friendship group though, she would just float about different people all the time. She wasn't bothered for more meaningful connections.

The forgetting items sounds very familiar though. Even at 16, I still have to check she has her purse, she has her PE stuff etc.

I would be enquiring with the school as to how he is managing there. Is he able to focus, listen etc?

Go to your GP and discuss it with them as well, it can't hurt.

[quote CP2701]@FortunesFave I have a child with ADHD, she has a pristine room! 😂 It's more her thoughts etc that she can't organise, as opposed to physical things. She's never been one for emotional outbursts either. When she was 8, she was a whirlwind. Did not stop talking, moving etc. Took hours and hours for her to get to sleep at night.

She's very academically bright, like the OPs child. She has a great sense of humour and got on well with other kids. She also didn't have a solid friendship group though, she would just float about different people all the time. She wasn't bothered for more meaningful connections.

The forgetting items sounds very familiar though. Even at 16, I still have to check she has her purse, she has her PE stuff etc.

I would be enquiring with the school as to how he is managing there. Is he able to focus, listen etc?

Go to your GP and discuss it with them as well, it can't hurt.[/quote]
Mine has ADD though...no hyperactivity.

Your son sounds EXACTLY like mine. I could have written your post.

DS's friends, and my friends' kids of a similar age all seem so much easier to manage. Even my DD5 is a breeze compared to her brother. Every waking moment is utterly relentless and draining.

He doesn't stop making noise, whether it's singing the same line over and over again, reeling off stats, laughing hysterically or screaming at us in a rage.

He can't sit still - he will literally fall off his chair whilst eating dinner because he's fidgeting so much - we're in the car right now and he's constantly kicking my seat, prodding the back of my neck or reaching across to antagonises his sister.

At his best he's cheerful, funny and thoughtful. He seems to get on with most of his classmates but hasn't really formed close friendships and does manage to get into fights fairly regularly.

He's very bright, but completely disorganised, forgetful and usually in his own little world. He's full of ideas but never finishes anything. I feel like I'm constantly nagging him.

I've suspected ADHD for a few years now but DH isn't keen to get it investigated, as he thinks he will use it as an excuse for poor behaviour.

So in short, no I don't think it's normal behaviour, but you're not alone.

@NotThatSocial

Your son sounds EXACTLY like mine. I could have written your post.

DS's friends, and my friends' kids of a similar age all seem so much easier to manage. Even my DD5 is a breeze compared to her brother. Every waking moment is utterly relentless and draining.

He doesn't stop making noise, whether it's singing the same line over and over again, reeling off stats, laughing hysterically or screaming at us in a rage.

He can't sit still - he will literally fall off his chair whilst eating dinner because he's fidgeting so much - we're in the car right now and he's constantly kicking my seat, prodding the back of my neck or reaching across to antagonises his sister.

At his best he's cheerful, funny and thoughtful. He seems to get on with most of his classmates but hasn't really formed close friendships and does manage to get into fights fairly regularly.

He's very bright, but completely disorganised, forgetful and usually in his own little world. He's full of ideas but never finishes anything. I feel like I'm constantly nagging him.

I've suspected ADHD for a few years now but DH isn't keen to get it investigated, as he thinks he will use it as an excuse for poor behaviour.

So in short, no I don't think it's normal behaviour, but you're not alone.

Hi, if you don't mind me asking when did these behaviours start? Did you notice any signs in the early months 6-9 months say?

We always felt that he was a bit of a handful, always seemed to need to be busy and stimulated. But I think it was when he was about 5 that we started to notice a big difference between him and his peers, he was getting more and more boisterous, noisy and distracted whilst they were starting to become more calm and mature.

He sounds very like my 6 yo DD and she is being assessed for ASD although I did also wonder about ADHD. It’s the ‘nothing is easy’ part that really strikes a chord. It’s hard.

Thanks for the replies. Just returned from a wet and draining family holiday.

If we potentially think perhaps ADHD what is the next step? Is it just talking to the GP? Is anything likely to be offered by way of support? As a PP said there is a concern of labelling I suppose especially if actually the label doesn't change anything.

I went through my GP. We then went to regular appointments with a paediatrician where they mostly observed and interacted with her. The School were asked to submit numerous reports.

This sounds like my DS and he is undergoing an assessment for ASD and possible ADHD although he’s not hyper… he fidgets, forgets, struggles to concentrate on multiple things.
He had an observation in school by CAMHS and was very useful and interesting especially when he was playing with peers outside. Was nice to see that someone else sees what we do especially when school tell me he’s fine.