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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Bye Bye Dummy

28 replies

skimum · 24/11/2007 19:54

Yesterday my partner and I decided to go cold turkey on dummy usage with our 4 month old son.

Oh.my.word.

He was fine in the day time but when 5pm came around he was screaming for England.

Tough but we persisted with singing, nursery rhymes and generally making a bit of a boob of ourselves. It seemed to work and he calmed down,

Fed at 7pm followed by the mother of all screaming and crying fits. I cried too

He settled at 9:30pm, woke for his 11pm feed, settled straight away then woke at 5am.

Not bad for the first day. Awaiting tonights antics with baited breath.

Anyone going through a similar challenge?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

notnowbernard · 24/11/2007 19:56

Wondering why you decided to stop the dummy now?

hannahjb · 24/11/2007 19:58

wow 4 months is early, good luck!!!

pooka · 24/11/2007 19:59

Yes, why? Not saying its wrong, just that 4months seems pretty early to be getting rid of it. He's still so young, and if it's a source of comfort.....

Also, I think there has been recent SIDS research that suggests dummy=good for the first year.

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 24/11/2007 20:02

skimum, i would say good luck!

my dd had a dummy till she was 20mo, from 1yo it was a strictly bedtime thing. she was old enough to understand it was gone, but even then it was hard.

you will suffer different hardships, dummies are great while you got them but tough to give up!

your first night sounds really positive!

gwynniestwin · 24/11/2007 20:05

I agree that maybe 4 months may be a little young to be getting rid of the dummy and you're right, pooka, there has been some research done that suggested that using a dummy reduced the risk of SIDS in the first year. My children both had dummies till they were around eighteen months and we managed to get rid of them fairly easily at that stage and it didn't cause them any harm or stop their speech development etc (far from it!!). However, if you do want to stop using a dummy, a health visitor at our local babies and mums group said if you take a comforter away you should try to replace it with something else - such as a blanket for instance. Good luck!!!

Original poster

skimum · 24/11/2007 20:07

Hi - we thought we would try going without the dummy before he formed a real attachment to it.

If I'm honest I could see that we were becoming dependent on it so thought we would try weaning off now.

OP posts:

whispywhisp · 24/11/2007 20:08

4 months? Crikey. That's very early.

Why call it a 'challenge'? Why are you wanting your baby to stop using a dummy?

A dummy is a comfort for a baby. Why introduce one to then take it away so soon?

RGPargy · 24/11/2007 20:10

I would have thrown myself from a bridge if i didn't have a dummy with DS!!

Seona1973 · 24/11/2007 20:11

we got rid of ds's at 5 months as he was waking multiple times at night for it - it was the best thing we ever did. He now has a couple of taggy blankets that he takes to bed with him and his sleep is great (now 14 months)

Original poster

skimum · 24/11/2007 20:15

Hi whispy wisp, I guess I called it a challenge because sometimes it's hard to know what to do for the best and once you make a decision like this it can be quite tough emotionally.

I'm sure every baby is different but this just felt like the right time for us to do this.

OP posts:

notnowbernard · 24/11/2007 20:15

I agree that if something has been introduced to a small baby as a comforter, it shouldn't be taken away without a replacement.

I think babies do become dependent on dummies (and I did as a parent!) but that is because they are soothing, and a comfort, and for most babies an effective way of helping get to sleep (no bad thing, IMO!)

At 4m old, I didn't consider 'dummy dependency' a problem. As a parent, I made the decision when to restrict its use and eventually, remove it altogether. But I felt that until the age of about 1, it really didn't matter when they used it (for sleep, as a comforter etc). DD2 is 15m now and only uses it for sleep (or if she's ill, or teething).

Good luck, though! Hope you have a run of relatively stress-free nights

Original poster

skimum · 24/11/2007 20:23

I love the idea of replacing the dummy with a comforter. Has anyone tried using muslin cloths?

I suppose they are quite large but could be easily cut down to baby size.

OP posts:

whispywhisp · 24/11/2007 20:25

Hi skimum. If you feel its the right time then great!

In your OP you mention that he was 'screaming for England' and had the 'mother of all screaming and crying fits' and that you cried too.

You sure you've made the right decision to take his dummy/comforter away? x

notnowbernard · 24/11/2007 20:27

DD2 is attached to a certain teddy which she must sleep with.

Blankets are often comfort objects, too.

I would say this is the drawback with comfort 'objects': the potential for them to Get Lost Forever.

Any old dummy will always do!

For this reason dd2's teddy never leaves her cot. Ever!

Original poster

skimum · 24/11/2007 20:31

Hi,I feel like it's the right thing but only time will tell. It's so hard being a first time mum to know what is right.

If won the lottery a 'live-in' mum-coach would be just the thing!

OP posts:

pooka · 24/11/2007 20:33

DD had a dummy and a noukie (soft cloth thing with a donkey's head). She gave up the dummy at about 3.5. Was onlyused at night time. I thought she might carry on with noukie, but also gave that up (associated it with the dummy) and now chooses a teddy each night.
DS is 2 and has a dummy, and also hugs a muslin square (has many, indistinguishable from each other).

If you are trying to substitute a muslin for the dummy, I'd personally keep it as a whole rather than cut into bits. Just because then in the future if it does become a comfort object it wouldn't fray when washed and would be easily replicated.

I am pleased that I didn't get rid of my dcs dummies until they were older, because they were and are an immense source of nighttime comfort; sleep cues. That sort of thing.

I did a search for old threads, and apparently if a baby has had a dummy, it is best not to remove until a year in terms of the impact on SIDS. Not being alarmist at all, and obviously you have thought about your decision and it is your decision, but I thought I should say.

pooka · 24/11/2007 20:34

Oh I'm with you with the whole live in coach thing. So many decisions. So little training.

notnowbernard · 24/11/2007 20:35

I would carry on with the dummy. By the time a baby gets to crawling around stage, they're interested in so much more and don't rely on the dummy so much. At 4m they're still at the lying around on their back stage... must be quite boring!

No wonder they whinge a lot...

seeker · 24/11/2007 20:42

I'm not trying to set myself up as a mum-coach - far from it, but I really think you might be making a mistake in trying to take his dummy away now. If you think that YOU were getting a bit too dependent on it, then be strict with yourselves about when you use it. If you think HE is getting too dependent on it, then in my opinion, he's too young to be too dependent on anything. All he knows is that there's something that helps him sleep and makes him feel better and he can't find it any more. PLEASE give it back to him! My ds had his at bed time til he was 3. Sucked it to go to sleep then it fell out and he didn't have it agin til the next night. Didn't have it during the day once he was about 10 months, I think. Don't do ANYTHING that makes life more difficult for yourselves - if the dummy makes for a happier life all round, then give it back!

whispywhisp · 24/11/2007 20:43

Four months is very very young. He's too young to understand why his little comforter has been taken away. Using a muslin is an option but don't cut it up - it'll only fray and babies love to chew the ends - my eldest dd did and I would have to take it all out of her mouth whilst she was asleep and it could be dangerous with a smaller piece.

Dummies are excellent comforters for normal every day use but are also invaluable at times when the baby is unwell or teething.

If he's not happy don't push it. It's simply not worth putting him through the screaming sessions or you crying. BUT good luck if you continue to carry on. xx

notnowbernard · 24/11/2007 20:46

Yes, they are bloody marvellous things when the teething really kicks in!

whispywhisp · 24/11/2007 20:49

Teething......oh how I hated that stage. Night after night of no sleep, snotty noses and complete stress. And then when the one and only tooth has cut you eventually get back to normal...and then it happens all over again!

notnowbernard · 24/11/2007 20:51

Going through it at the moment...

High temp, runny nappies, sore bum, snot+++

Oh Joy!

whispywhisp · 24/11/2007 20:59

....so you offer a dummy, baby gladly takes it and ..... P E A C E.....

skimum: Don't waste your time worrying about whether or not your four month old is becoming dependent on a dummy - enjoy your baby. If he is happy with his dummy leave him with it. You will probably find when he starts to crawl around and investigate everything he won't even want a dummy and then is the time to take it away, if you feel you still need to.

onepieceoflollipop · 24/11/2007 21:07

skimum all the best with your decision.

Our dd2 is 14 weeks old and I have been contemplating lots of the things that have been said on this thread. I am sorry to say that I was a bit smug with dd1 in that she didn't have a dummy. However she learnt to suck her fingers at a very young age and still does, a kind of substitute dummy. She is now nearly 4.

I had very mixed feelings re dd2 who really enjoys her dummy. Mainly for sleep times but at selected other times. (after injections, on boring car journeys etc). I have read these contributions with interest and found them very helpful. Good to see some honest comments about dummy usage. I am inclined to let dd2 continue with hers certainly for the first year.

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