I don't know how to cope with my 2 year old

[isolation101]

I'm aware that at 2 children are going through a lot and often become frustrated, which has been named the terrible 2's but by god I just can't cope anymore.

My 2 year old screams non stop, pulls clumps of my hair out, rips my glasses off my face and try's to break them (I cannot see without further than 2 foot)
He bites me, pinches to the point he breaks my skin and that's with short nails that are trimmed weekly.
He trashes the house when told no and nothing distracts him once he is In the moment. It's like a red mist.
He tries to pull the telly of the stand continuously.
We've tried telling off, ignoring, distraction, yelling (I just can't help it after days and days of this) we've tried no reaction and he doesn't care.
Meal times are painful and have been from day 1...I may as well just put money in the bin instead. He won't try new things, he just throws it. He likes healthy food which is a bonus. We must be the only parents that have to hide chicken under peas!!!

Bedtimes get me to breaking point. He will not go to bed without me rocking him. We've tried controlled crying, my husband doing it, earlier bedtime, later bedtime, longer and shorter naps, earlier naps, no naps, just leaving the room etc and he just screams and screams and bangs the cot to the point it moves. He gets into such a sweaty state that we have to give in.

I guess I just don't know if I'm the problem and a shit mum. How do you all get through these trying times?

Sorry to be a bit obvious but is he getting enough exercise outside?

@FortunesFave ur she loves being outside so he spends a good chunk of his day out in the garden here or at my mums. He loves looking at the flowers and the apple trees and we count the apples! We thought fresh air would help but it makes no difference

That was meant to say yeah and he 🙄

I think you need to take him to larger spaces where he can run around freely and explore new areas/things. I remember my nephew at this age...he was like no child I'd ever met! He was like you describe....absolutely terribly hard work. My sister was at her wits end until a neighbour said "Run him like you would a dog" and she started taking him to the bigger park in our town and he'd go nuts for a couple of hours.

Agree with giving him more exercise. Boys are definitely a bit like dogs in that they need firm boundaries, lots of love and lots and lots of exercise. He basically needs to be out and playing, in the park or walking for large chunks of the day, basically until he's dropping.

You also seem to have tried a lot of different things and he may be a little confused.

Which do you want to sort out first, the behaviour, the eating or the sleep. With the best will in the world, you're never going to be able to sort them out all at the same time

How's his communication? His speech, his nonverbal communication (pointing, other gestures, expressions, etc.), his understanding of what you say to him?

I also agree about more exercise. I have a (just turned) 2 year old, and if it's not a nursery day, we're at the park running/climbing/jumping for a couple of hours virtually every day – and I wouldn't say she's particularly high-energy for her age.

I also agree with Bunny about tackling one thing at a time, easier for both you and him to get to grips with. Personally, unless you're concerned about his growth, I'd leave the food thing for now and at least make that part of your life easier. Quite a few toddlers seem to exist on just a few foods for a bit without any ill effects.

Thank you all for your responses. I will def try the more exercise to see if it helps. We are limited due to him begging born with a deformity to his foot, but we know his limits.

I don't try all the things at once, they have been staggered slowly, but wanted to list what I had tried so people were aware before offering advice to save time.

His behaviour is my main focus atm. Eating will come in time as I think some of that is connected to his behaviour. He likes fruit and veg, drinks lots of water and has calcium so I'm happy on that scale as much as I can be.

His other communication has been delayed, but he is getting there. He can take me to what he wants if he can't ask and will show me by pointing. He is a very strong willed little boy and that I think will be part of his character...it's just how do you get through this stage without having a bloody breakdown?

Ok so if his communication has been delayed, is he being seen by SLT? I’d do a progress checker from Talking Point. It should tell you if he needs some extra support. Has he had a hearing test as well?

I think you are right to try and tackle the behaviour first, it does sound s bit full on. Have a look at There’s no such thing as naughty or The Explosive Child. Do reach out to your HV though if you’re struggling

If he’s got a problem with his foot, is hecok with swimming? That might wear him out

Thank you @BunnyRuddington I will look at the links.

I've told the HV all of the above and they jus staid they will review us in 3 months and to increase my AD

Swimming is a good idea. We looked into classes and covid put a stop to it but now things are getting more normal we may be able to get in 🤞🏻

Glad your HV is coming back to check on you both, can you call her tomorrow and ask for a hearing test?

If you’re not an,e to get into swimming lessons, is the local pool doing Parent & Child sessions or Family Fun Sessions?

I seem to be Bunny's echo at the moment – I was also going to suggest swimming. What about doing an indoor or outdoor obstacle course tuned to his abilities? Tunnel to crawl through (you can buy pop-up ones, but we used a big cardboard box), cushions to crawl over, rolling or slithering on his stomach, etc.? You can also push vehicles or roll balls through the course, or make cuddly toys do it. If you've space, an old mattress on the floor that he can bounce about on on his knees? (Or on a bed, if you can make it safe and don't mind the wear.)

Would it be worth trying a bit of Makaton/baby signing with him to give him another option to communicate with you?

In terms of surviving it with your sanity intact, I think you and your wee boy have been dealt a trickier than average hand – he's got fewer outlets for his energy because of his foot, and probably also extra frustration because of the communication delay. In the short term, can you and your partner make sure you both get a break? A good couple of hours each at the weekend to do something of your own?