4yr Boy Gets So Angry with Games

[Pete80]

I have a 4 year old son that goes into an absolute rage when a game isn't going his way. Taking a particular game works for a while, then when he gets it back it starts again. I mean biting the sofa rage.

The only way to control him is to get angry too which, other than making me feel terrible afterwards, is just teaching him that anger is an appropriate coping tool.

Staying calm and taking things away or giving him a timeout or talking to him simply hasn't worked. He will stay quiet for as long as he needs to get his toy/game back then go exactly back to how he was.

He is a child of 50/50 divorce and his belligerence in the other home is rewarded with bribes or treats but talking with the other parent about this is fraught with its own dangers.

There are some books that you could read with him that may help:
You Can't Win Them All, Rainbow Fish
Liam Wins the Game, Sometimes
Olympig!

What games is he playing and how long for?

@BunnyRuddington

What games is he playing and how long for?

yeah this. What is a 4yo playing?

Perhaps more game free time and some outdoor activities, or even play with toys...not sure what 4yo do on their days.

Thanks for the book tips.

The nature or length of the particular game/toy he may be playing doesn't make a difference. Nor indoor/outdoor.

If the ball doesn't go into the hoop or the lego doesn't quite fit the way he wants, whether he is 2 minutes or 20 minutes in, he can't contain his disappointment.

Hi there. it sounds like you little boy [and you] are having a tough time. I train children service staff in behaviour support and have 2yo and 4yo. My mantra is 'all behaviour has meaning'.
Imagine when you get an annoying text/email or you are extremely tired and you're asked to do fix a door hinge or you go for a job interview and don't get it. All of these e.g's can stress you out, however, you have learnt to cope with that little bit of stress by behaving a certain way.
When my 4yo is kicking off, I try to explore and validate the feeling. "i can see you are really angry", "missing the ball is so frustrating", "losing can make us feel upset"
Once my kid is calm, then i can have age appropriate chat about how we can behave when feeling any emotion. it is working lovely with my 4yo.
a great book to help understand this stuff is - raising2children.com/book-review-on-help-your-child-deal-with-stress-and-thrive/
a little neuroscience to help understand the stress system - raising2children.com/why-does-neuroscience-matter-when-parenting/

just want to say I'm trying very hard with my 2yo to explore behaviour and feelings and it feels like I'm wading through treacle! I'm just sticking to the evidence-based research but who knows.