6 Year old girls - what's yours like? Particularly with clothes? Help needed please

[corblimeycharlie]

DD has become unbearable when it comes to dressing. Everything she wears is either itchy, too tight, rubbing or any other problem you can think of. These are clothes she has worn before and if she is made to wear them we never hear about the problem for the rest of the day, so its a control issue, right? Does your DD do this? How did you deal with it? We had such a big row this morning about gloves that were bought for her yesterday being too tight (they were not) that I don't know where to turn next. Any advice would be gratefully received. Thanks.

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hahahahaa.... I'm hearing ya'. DD has always been fussy, but at least she was quick to decide. She just turned 6 and has developed deep insecurities about what she wears, to the point that she recently she was agonising, struggling to make up her mind, I think it's partly attention seeking in her case -- but maybe it's a common phase in little girl identity? Lately DD insists that she wants to dress like me (bad development, I am very scruffy). Or simply she wants me to tell her what to wear (I try to keep her not scruffy). About a month ago I went on a special shopping trip just to buy her skirts (she only had one we could find) because she insisted.

At least she's flexible about school clothes,but night-time and casual-clothes are still tricky.

Thing is, buying her skirts mostly worked, we still get insecurities, but not paralysis any more. I'm a big fan of choosing your battles carefully, and since most of DD's clothes are cast-offs from others, I don't feel bad just taking her shopping once in a while.

I don't know. I tend to think that if they find the tights too rough or hate the knobbly bits between their toes or the gloves are uncomfortable, then perhaps they are and it's a legitimate complaint. I hate certain textures on my arms and things.

Perhaps she needs more consultation. Like being taken to try on gloves that she likes and are comfortable and prepared to wear?

Why would she be controlling about her clothes anyway? I'm probably the wrong person to anwer I realize, I don't see why someone would complain about their clothes unless they really were uncomfortable.

I think all children feel this way to some extent as winter sets in. They'd rather be in a dress and sandals, rather than dressed up in tights and heavy coats and itchy scarves and fiddly gloves etc.

I think you're right that it's a control issue. Dd is also 6 and while we don't have the itchy/too tight/rubbing complaints, we get tears and sulking if she has to wear something she hasn't chosen herself.

Do you allow your daughter any say in what she wears? I think by this age a child should be (reasonably!) free to choose which of the clothes in her drawers she wears. I don't buy clothes for her any more without dd there - not so that she can have free choice of what clothing I buy her, but so that she has at least some say in the kind of clothes she wears. Obviously she doesn't have completely free rein but if she has an input then she is more likely to choose to wear those clothes.

The gloves thing: a lot of children don't like to wear gloves, and in dd's case it's because it takes away a lot of the sensation in her fingers - she's quite touchy-feely, and gloves hinder that. Again, I don't buy gloves without dd there, because I know I'd get the wrong colour/pattern/style - if she picks a pair she likes, there's more chance that she will wear them. Buy several pairs of cheap ones - that way she can make her own choice of which to wear, so there's a chance that she'll agree to wear one pair on any given day. It's also not so important if they get lost.

I often wonder what she's going to be like when she's 16 if she's this choosy now ...!

My dds did not/do not do this but my niece went through this phase so I only know it second hand. They tried to give it minimal attention and let her dress herself/choose what she would wear as much as possible. Even so they did not find a magic solution and it went on for a long time unfortunately - we were just told not to buy her clothes since my sister didnt want us offended when niece rejected them.

Sorry no help but just wanted to empathise.

Thanks for your replies

I think it is a control issue because once she has worn them for a few mins (if we can get that far) she never mentions being uncomfortable again.
I do let her choose her clothes when we buy them but she has taken to choosing them trying them on and declaring them fine only to refuse to wear them the next time because they are itchy etc- aarrrggghhhh!

I wonder whether I should just stop buying clothes until she actually notices that she needs them? I'm uneasy about this because I feel appropriate clothes are things children need and not want and have always provided accordingly but maybe that means I have spoilt her and she thinks nothing of the cost?

6 is too young to expect her to think of the cost, I think - particularly if you buy her a lot of clothes and she takes that forgranted.

Just a thought - maybe your washing powder is irritating her and making her itchy? Might be worth trying a new kind to see if it makes a difference.

That's a good idea longmeg, about the washing powder I mean. You are right about her being too young to think about cost and I think I'm annoyed that she does take it for granted but I guess I created that situation.

I just wish she would think "how lucky I am I never want for clothes, but then she is a real child and not an imaginary one. .

My mum never used to let me wear anything I wanted - never even allowed to have my hair cut etc etc - I hated her for it. So I made a concious decision to let my daughter wear what she wants unless its school - even then she gets to choose whether she wears skirt, dress or trousers LOL I take her shopping for clothes and she chooses things - obvioulsy with direction from me but she is free to ignore my advice!!!! At the end of the day its only clothes and there are far more important battles to get involved in. My son on the other hand is so not interested in clothes and asks me to get his out for him every day!!! I am trying to encourage him to take more interst though.

One of my DDs is like - she is also 6. Big fuss this morning because her school tights were not feeling exactly right, even though they are the same make and style as the ones she has had on all week. Drives me nuts. She's always been like this and I have always had to cut labels out of tops etc. She also has to dress in a certain order, ie pants, then vest, then tights etc. God forbid I suggest altering this routine. It's almost OCD like come to think of it .

No advice I am afraid, but lots of sympathy.
I'm just glad her sister wears anything.

my dd (just turned 7 now) is ridiculously lovely about clothes - will wear anything etc. etc. But wait! this is not a hateful show-off reply - the point is, I do not deserve my dd - because I was that terrible endlessly fussy child - so perhaps I can give some perspective?

There might be some control issues - for instance, I was very difficult about wearing "girly" things as I was quite aware of how much worse I looked in them than my long-fair-haired demure older sister. Luckily for me my parents took a long view & just let me wear trousers I insisted on.

But sensory issues are a real thing too, and it sounds as if that's what's mostly affecting your dd. I remember those vividly, and dismissing the discomfort ("but it's stretchy" - I so remember!!) just made it worse. What did help was having it explained in rational terms - that sometimes when you put something on it needs to shape itself to you, and especially it might need to warm up, and then it will get much more comfortable. That felt like helping me come to terms with something which otherwise I just didn't know how to cope with.

Hope that helps. PS - my dd has very noticeably no sensory problems at all - and I definitely think her tolerance with clothing is connected to that.

Sandyballs you have hit the nail on the head. I have often said the dressing issue is like a anxiety/neurotic issue. If something is even slightly uncomfortable then it is thrown off and because we are talking about extremes I tend not to believe it is to do with comfort.
Will try changing the washing powder and keep my temper to try harder to explain she needs to give it time although we do really really try.

Bink's response made me realize why I responded as I did, because ds2 does have sensory issues, so if he hates tags, stiff trousers, itchy things, I listen to him and believe him and don't for a minute think he is being controlling.

But I do see it is not necessarily the case with every child.

It does sound like a control issue as like you say she is fine a few minutes later! i had this with my dd (also 6) but in the end just came to an agreement with her that she would wear her school uniform that i lay out for her without complaint and in return she could choose whatever she liked for out of school hours ! it does work although i did buy quite a few dresses as at least she was co-ordinated then

Clothes can be a challenge - definitely. Sometimes I shiop for dd without taking her along and buy 3 or 4 dresses (as I did for Christmas last year), bring them home and tell her she must choose/can keep 2, and the others will be returned. This works well because it allows her some choice, but is not the endurance contest of taking her into a shop where she is overwhelmed and is often drawn to completely inappropriate things.

About 6 months ago, we started having clothing 'discussions' when she was insistent about choosing what to wear. I want her to have that freedom/choice, but must admit to cringeing inwardly at some of the combinations she produced. We had a chat about what it means when different clothes 'clash', and she now often asks my opinion - which allows me input without seeming to dictate. So - we're getting there....