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2 year old help!

5 replies

Lotsoflaughs87 · 24/06/2021 14:49

Hi,
I'm a first time mum and my little girl is 2 years old.
I want to start by saying she has a large personality, she is very loving and happy. We are very soft with her or have been as I just always felt she was too young to understand.
But now it's becoming unbearable her behaviour, mostly towards me. She listens to me husband more but completely rules the house.
She bites me, hits me and always shouting at me. It's like she walks around looking what she can do that she shouldn't. Standing on furniture. Running across the sofa (she's fell off a couple of times) you give her a cup of juice and she will take a sip and just throw the rest of the juice on the floor.
Constantly wants to be carried at home and out, we have to take a pram everywhere because she will not walk.
If you try and do anything she doesn't want to do she will make herself physically sick. If she wants to come out of bed even when I know she's tired she will sick all over her bed and beam at me as I'm changing the sheets and cleaning her up.
I do raise my voice and tell her off but she does not care. There is no respect. If anything she absolutely loves to be told off, thrives on it.
Question is how do you deal with this ? I want to have an understanding between us of what's OK and not. Without having to raise my voice.
I took her to my friend's house to play with her little boy today, she was glued to my hip (she knows them very well) cried if I tried to move or talk to my friend and kept asking to go home and eventually made herself sick. We are now home and she's happy as Larry.
I can just see people judging me I'm supermarkets or wherever we go, just staring like she's the worst child in the word. It makes me sad because she is also so clever and loving and gentle.
But it's at the point every experience or outing is being ruined because she wants to be home and not play with other kids. When I am at work (part time) my mum says she's an absolute angel and plays with her cousins good as gold.
Hope I haven't rambled too much. Any suggestions would be welcome.
Thank you if you read this.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Lotsoflaughs87 · 24/06/2021 14:50

Even at home she just wants to sit on my knee. If I try and cook tea she's at my feet screaming

OP posts:
skkyelark · 24/06/2021 20:48

Between the 'loving to be told off' and wanting to be held/on your knee all the time, it sounds to me like she is desperate for more of your attention. That isn't meant as a criticism – some children are near enough bottomless pits when it comes to attention, however much you're already giving them, and negative attention is better than no (more) attention.

I think I'd try really looking for every little chance to praise good behaviour – try to squeeze in praise for that one sip of juice she takes nicely, the brief instant she's sitting on the sofa, etc. Try to get her 'helping' with tea and other jobs, and give loads of positive attention whilst doing it.

On the negative side, ignore what you can (personally, I'd leave the walking battle for now and just take the pram, for example) and for other stuff, stop her and say why, but as briefly and neutrally as possible, as if you're bored with it, or even as if you're a recorded voice message – I'd be trying to give her as little reaction and as little attention as possible. She stands/runs on the sofa, sit her on it, 'sit on the sofa', nothing else. And so on. For the common problem points, I find it easier to stay bored and neutral if I've planned my set response. I'd try to do this with the making herself sick at home, although I suspect I'd find it challenging!

Hitting and biting, do you have somewhere safe you can put her briefly? Behind a stair gate, in her cot, etc.? If so, can you put her there so you can physically withdraw from her (just for a minute or two) when she hits, as a natural consequence that people don't want to play with people who hit? If there's another adult around, even better if they could do it, coupled with the same neutral 'no hitting', and then give you lots of attention as the one hurt.

Finally, the getting so worked up out and about, do you think she is genuinely distressed by the different places and people? It's a lot to take in for our little ones as the world starts to open back up. Or do you think it's perhaps that when you are out, there are more things competing for your attention, and it's again trying to get mummy's attention any way she can?

Okay, that was long...hopefully I've managed to say something that was useful in all that text.

Lotsoflaughs87 · 14/07/2021 14:13

@skkyelark
Thank you very much for your advise.

She has all my attention! But I agree it's never enough lol, she's very clingy to me at home even when her dad's home from work. I do the bath times, bed times etc.

Daddy is the fun one I guess. But lately I've been trying gentle parenting and honestly i really feel were getting somewhere. Still plenty of tantrums but she's a toddler so it's expected.

Still trying to make herself sick but I'm ignoring best I can. Took her to the zoo last week and again it wasn't the best day. She wouldn't go in her pram or let daddy carry her. Only wanted me to carry her and it was tough work.

Your advise is great. Thank you

OP posts:
Mattieandmummy · 14/07/2021 19:40

Completely agree, she sounds like she just needs more positive attention even though you might feel like you've got nothing left!!! Also on the gentle parenting approach, it's not fast but you're building a lifetime of respect and a great relationship so I would definitely say stick with it but it can be sooooooooo hard sometimes.

On the biting, I hold mine at arm's reach rather than totally excluding and say no biting, biting hurts, it's not ok to bite.

Best of luck

Mattieandmummy · 14/07/2021 19:43

Sarah Ockwell Smith has a great book on gentle parenting and I also really like The Danish Way Of Parenting and also How to Talk So Little Kids Listen. Feel free to disagree though 😉

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