Unconditional Parenting - how does it work at crunch times?

[Millsie4]

Hi, I'm reading Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting book and I get what he's saying in theory and I do always do the cuddles, calm explanations etc etc. But, seasoned Unconditional Parenters, how does it work in practise when you just need to get out the freaking door in the morning or you would like your child to stay in bed at night?? DD (7) has chosen the morning and evening routines; I'm flexible about the order that her chosen routine is down in; I should get an Oscar for happy calm sweetness and light performance and then DD just pisses all over it and will throw an almighty tantrum right at the point we need to leave or at the time she should ideally be asleep. Was up and down the stairs for 2 hours last night initially staying calm but because of the time pressure I ended up reverting to discipline/shouting and we are back at square one. Help!

I don't know of the above method but try and follow a similar method with my own 3YO and I agree it's hard and admit I just wind up snapping sometimes. I think the important thing to remember is that you can be calm and loving but still firm. If there's somewhere you need to be for example then tell them twice you really need to go as fast as possible and if not listening 'you seem to be having trouble doing this. You must be very tired etc etc. I'm going to give you a minute to do it and if not I'm going to do it and then just gently but firmly dress them/lead them out of the door. Making a game of it really works well for us too. Eg at bedtime I get her doll ready for bed whilst she gets pjs on etc and we race. And I give her toothbrush a goofy voice that tells her to come brush her teeth lol. It's not easy and remember NOBODY can be 100% therapeutic and positive 100% of the time. If you're getting it right more than half the time you're probably doing well xx