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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Just left playgroup in a hurry because of ds3 behaviour, what else to do?

17 replies

blossomgirl · 21/11/2007 11:25

i'm quite new at a lovely local playgroup and over the last three weeks i've had to take my ds out of the hall 2 or 3 times every week to take time out because of his aggressive behaviour

but today i just couldnt handle the effort it takes to referee and explain and face the other mums and cope! does anyone else get like this?

My ds is 3 and im due second chld 1 weeek.

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higgys · 21/11/2007 12:05

I used to take my children to a playgroup where there was a child of the same age who was really agressive and all 3 ended up fighting a lot.
The thing that bothered me about the other boy, wasn't that he was fighting with mine it was that his mother never did anything about it. If mine started it then I made them have a timeout and explain it was naughty and get them to say sorry.

The other mums are probably looking at you and thanking their lucky stars its not them this week - because EVERY child plays up at some point. So long as you are making sure he knows when he is wrong then I can't see why the other mums would have a problem - I certainly wouldn't.

Original poster

blossomgirl · 21/11/2007 13:32

Thanks higgys! Yeah i know what you mean, its just its been my turn for some weeks now.

Unfortunately ds agression is directed at younger children. Very distressing

It feels its something connected to this baby coming, but i cant put my finger on it?

I'm a bit settled about leaving though, as i had already threatened ds with going home if he did not share.

Anyway thanks for posting. guess we'll see next time if the message go through to him!

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Fennel · 21/11/2007 13:51

My 3yo dd3, who I don't think of as at all aggressive generally, went through a phase at just 3 of pushing and hitting the smaller toddlers at toddler group. She seemed to find the fun of pushing over wobbly toddlers irresistible.

I stopped taking her, as it was getting a bit embarrassing, and then 6 months later we started again, just recently, and she's been fine. No toppling of little ones. So I'd do what you do, take him away and try again in a while.

snooks · 21/11/2007 14:14

I'm by no means massively experienced, but it seems to me that my ds1 (now 3.2) and 99.9% of all his toddler friends have been through or are going through this stage. Totally agree with higgys that it's only a problem if the other mum seems to turn a blind eye to the aggression (if she didn't actually see the incident then that's different). I think we've all gone home at some point - I know I certainly have - and wondered why us? Why is our lovely sweet toddler being so aggressive? It WILL pass though, like every other phase!(And it's WONDERFUL when it's not your child doing it for once - your time will come! )

Oh and good luck with the imminent birth

Nanoon · 21/11/2007 14:37

oh my god this could be me. DS is 3 and he has become quite agressive and boisterous in the few weeks. DC2 is due in 3 weeks and i don't have the enery or emotional balanece to cope with him when he is like this it makes me cry every day

annoyingdevil · 21/11/2007 17:03

My DD is 2.8 and has just started pushing all the younger toddlers over! it's so embarrassing

Original poster

blossomgirl · 21/11/2007 20:53

oh thank you all so much for your posts. Lousy situation but it does help to know i'm not alone!

Thanks for resurrance on methods of handling it. Just dont seem to work lately..

I mean I do the down his level and ask him to stop hitting, pushing time out, explain it was unkind / naughty behaviour. Then back for a sorry with a threat of going home if he does it again.

But toady it was back to back clobbering and i felt i had to exit otherwise i was making idle threats. Plus like Nanoon (squeeee) me chin was wobbling

Are there any other ways anyone uses of dealing with this? Have felt lately i'm using the wrong approach.

Thanks again for the support, its so helpful just to ramble on a bit like this.

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Original poster

blossomgirl · 21/11/2007 20:55

nanoon that was meant to be a squeeze x

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purpleturtle · 21/11/2007 20:55

Blossomgirl, just for extra reassurance - it's quite normal for little ones to play up when a new baby is about to arrive. They seem to sense that their entire world is about to change. When in doubt, revert to the mantra, It's a phase. It's a phase.

JenT · 21/11/2007 20:59

Hi
just wanted to say that for about 6-8 weeks when DS1 was 2 ish I felt like I needed a badge saying "Sorry" He seemed to go from pushing one child to taking a toy off another, it was a constant battle. However, it did pass, we cut short quite alot of fun activities because he spoilt them, but he is now a lovely nearly 4 year old, insisting on fair play. Sounds like you are doing everything any mother there would have wanted you to do.

Original poster

blossomgirl · 21/11/2007 21:16

Hi thanks for your posts. managed a smile there too! Just gotta keep on going...it will pass, it will pass

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snooks · 21/11/2007 21:21

Hey blossom, I've got an idea: start our own toddler group and all our dcs can push n shove each other to their hearts' content and no-one will mind!!

Seriously though, it will pass. I still remember how down it used to make me feel after a morning like that at a group, it really used to ruin my day. Now ds2 (18 mths) is already showing signs of this, to me he's still my little baby but last week he whacked a smaller baby on the head and I hate it all over again I know unfortunately it will get worse before it gets better - BUT IT WILL GET BETTER

Elsbells · 22/11/2007 09:48

Oh Blossom and others
You are definitely not alone.

My DS was such a good good child and over the last few months he has changed. He has started hitting and throwing the most spectacular tantrums. I have left playgroups and playdates a few times now as it just gets too hard to handle.

I also have a DD who is 5 months and if I am honest I have been stressed about it and have cried lots over this.

On Tues I even had a 'mommy friend' ask me what I was like as a child as DS threw another wobbly.

It is embarrassing and it really hurts to see others so down on your own DC.

I do the who time out thing, get down on his level etc so I don't turn a blind eye at all but it feels like everyone is critiquing you, your child and your parenting skills.

Everyone says it will pass....God I hope it does!

minouminou · 22/11/2007 15:19

The fact that you say you'll remove him, and then are seen to do so will actually get you brownie points among the other mums.
It's when someone does nothing that people get annoyed.

Camillathechicken · 22/11/2007 15:24

I had problems with DD being aggresive at playgroup, so i took her to a different, bigger group, with different toys, more craft stuff and bigger children.. she is 2, and it made a big difference. i took her back to the origional playgroup today, she was good as gold. the organiser welcomed me back with open arms and a big hug , so i was glad to go back. a change of scenery seemed to really help

LoveAngelGabriel · 22/11/2007 16:32

I could have written your post@blossomgirl.

I keep ploughing on with the toddler groups and hoping it will improve. My son is a lovely, good natured child really so I'm putting the tantrums / rough play etc down to his age and it being a developmental stage (he's almost 3. amd also very big for his age).

I think you should keep going and once you know one or more of the mums better, confide that you find it difficult when your LO plays up. I bet they will be supportive - most people are once they get to know you and you break the ice.

I have dragged my son kicking and screaming out of one toddler group several times and one day a few weeks ago I was on the verge of tears as we were (once again!) leaving prematurely because of his behaviour, and thinking 'I cannot keep this up, it's exhausting'...all it took was one nice mum to say 'My son was exactly the same this time last year. It's just a stage. Don't you worry. Nobody minds, and if they do, they're arseholes!'. I could have hugged her for saying that and it has made it much easier to keep going. Don't give up! Good luck xx

Original poster

blossomgirl · 22/11/2007 21:52

hello! its lovely to log on and feel this supported.

now i feel sorry for all of us, and i don't feel alone or so much at fault.

managed to stomp up the local hillock twice with ds yesterday (2nd time on account of lost hat), collect leaves and have a jolly old time, and it seemed to clear the air between us. that might sound daft but..

it has occured to me, you know the book when couples go to war? is it possible to go to war with a three year old?

anyway we spent almost 2 hours in the swimming pool today and we both had wobbly legs again. i have a mission to up the exercise over the w/e and present him to our other playgroup on monday suitably windswept!

we shall see, i think there is still much to learn! thanks again to everyone for havin a heart to reply and good luck to all of us XX

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