Is this unusual?? DD (4) shy with children & confident with adults

[bracingair]

Ive noticed it before but thought I'd explain a specific incident. Last week friend hosted a birthday party for her ds. She said dd remained in the kitchen with her mum, mil and grandmother etc.. Stayed there for a long time because too shy to join the other children - who she all knows thru nursery. But...she really charmed all the adults. Chatted to them confidently and they thought her delightful.

Very curious as to why she is like this! Friend's mum is an experienced teacher and she had never seen it, so that got me really wondering.

It is pretty unusual, but I have come across it before. DD has a friend who used to want to hang around with me in the kitchen on play dates rather than actually play with dd, but she has now come out of her shell a bit more (she is now 6).

i guess im worried because my bro couldnt' relate well to peers etc and is not such a confident adult now. He was/is also clever in a 'geeky' kind of way.

dd also plays beautifully on her own even when her peers around,but...she talks to me incessantly about who is what character et etc. i have never discouraged her as not too 'squash her' but wonder if she does need to learn not to.

off to put her bed...will check later for hopefully more!

Ds1 is still quite like this and he's 10! He has improved a lot but at 4 much preferred adults to children. Adults used to find him so interesting but he couldn't find common areas of interest with other children to talk to them about! I'm surprised at a teacher not having come across it before.

My dd was pretty much like this until she was in Reception where she met her best friend who hadn't been to playgroup or nursery school.

She is still confident with adults at 6½.

Is your dd quite articulate?

glad to hear she is not alone. TBH im finding her chatting very tiring. would it be wrong to try tell her that she shouldn't give mummy a lengthy speech every three minutes? she is very articulate and thank goodness her pitch isn't so high now, but i let her go on and on, and then feel like i will snap soon.

her grandmothers and nursery teachers tell me she is very bright (she is my first so not sure what milestones to expect), perhaps that is part and parcel of bright children? I feel at my wits end so wonder if i can do something?

Perhaps also relevant is she pretends to be a dog for about 80% of the time! she is consistent, always reminds us if we call her by her name rather than her chosen dog name. At the beginnig dh and i were very happy to humour her (must be about a year ago!!) but we are also quite fed up of that too.

DS was like this. It was noticed at preschool and I was adviced to make sure he had some regular play dates and to just encourage him to play with the children but not to make an issue of it.
It was also commented on in reception and in year 1, we were told that he was always on the periphery of the other children but that it wasn't a real problem, just somehting to be aware off.

Now, in year 2, he mixes well.
He still loves adult conversation though and will still gravitate towards adults if in a mixed environment.

My dd(7) used to be like this. I put it down to her mixing lots of adults as a baby - my Mum cared for her whilst I was at uni. She's quite confident with children now though . In fact, she's gone the other way a bit.

That should be 'mixing with' etc .

dd's nursery assistants started making sideways comments about her being 'very talkative' and 'knowing her own mind'. When i asked the head directly if there was any problem, she said no, though when she is with oter children she sometimes does all the talking. funnily enough almost all her friends are boys!

She sounds just like my daughter - she was very popular with boys in her nursery which had a knock-on detrimental effect with the girls.

thank you all for sharing. glad to know she is not alone.

would also like to know, can i do/say anything about her incessant talking? was a mums and tots today, and while the other 4 yr old were runnig around together, dd spent alot of time having one sided conversations with me!

dc4 is like this and it is hard i think
in our case i think it is due to dc4 having much older teenage siblings - i think he finds children a bit 'dry' if you understand that.
he prefers the company of girls who i think are more verbal at 4 than girls!
i try not to push him towards children of his own age -but sometimes find myself doing it

dd ia first granchild, so perhaps in similar situation to your ds. amusing to think how at 4 they are seeking out friends of the opposite sex!

bump

bumpity bump!

really would like to know if cruel to be kind to curb her incessant talking, or leave her be.

looks like i might not have any friends either. hmm....

anyone??

i imagine when she is 14 she will stop!

sorry, my youngest is a chatterer, just 8, quite wearying.

i think i will try to curb it by saying, mummy knows that you are a dog and ds is a little one etc etc and we dont need to say it again.

will also try distraction as in lets play a different game now.

you have described my dd almost to a t although not the dog thing!!
it worries me a little as to the long term effects on her socially , just dont know what to do about it, it doesnt help that she is a minority in her school and playdates dont seem to be the norm

You could try and encourage her to tell her soft toys etc rather than you? (Leading up to tell the other children?) My DS (2.6) likes chatting to adults rather than other children too. I think they are just more predictable tbh and usually more interested in him! I say 'oh there's x, we like him' and he replies 'i like x's mummy!'

I would love to know if there is a way of stopping incessant chattering because my DS1 is still like this at 9!! Actually, he is a bit better than he used to be, but I just think some children are chatterboxes! It is exhausting though, isn't it?

Do you find she 'draws' you into lengthy discussions without you really realising? Looking back I should have probably just said 'mmmm, lovely dear, now run along' rather than giving indepth explanations etc., to every question and comment. My mum said I 'over stimulated' him, and I sort of know what she means!

perhaps all our dc's should meet up? we could have 'chatterbox meetup'! it would be very interesting to see what would happen.

took the chance to chat to mil about her today. She beleives it is because in her opinion dd is very bright. But i am worried how it would affect her socially. dh (academic high flyer) says he had lots of older friends as a child. But i think it is much easier on a child if their friends are their peer group.