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4 yr old suddenly become hysterical about nursery and pre school

16 replies

wensley · 20/11/2007 18:25

My 4 year old grandson goes to pre school 5 afternoons a week, and has done since Sept. He also goes to an adjacent nursery 3 mornings. This is to enable my daughter to work.
I pick him up 2 afternoons a week at 3.15 and have him till bedtime.
He has always been quite a sensitive little boy but this last week has been a nightmare! He had tonsillitis 2 weeks ago and his glands are still up, doctor says viral which isn't helping. But as long as he's at home he's quite happy but since last week has been hysterical and sobbing about going to nursery & pre school. And is crying a lot of the time he is there also. The only answer he gives when asked why is that he wants to be at home with Mummy. And the only other thing that has upset him is that a new little girl has cried a lot since starting recently. He has always become very very upset about other children crying.
Sorry this is a bit long winded but I am feeling so upset and helpless. My daughter feels she has to perservere as she really does need to work although I have offered to have him more, she feels this isn't really the answer. Grateful for any suggestions as the nursery and pre school are being very good but have no ideas.

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Elasticwoman · 20/11/2007 20:46

Can you go and be with him at pre-school for a while, as granny?

wensley · 20/11/2007 21:56

thanks for taking an interest Have never known of any mums or anyone else going into the pre school. It's really difficult as I really want to help but obviously don't want to interfere. Looked after my grandson for 2/3 days a week from when he was 9 weeks till this last year and love him to bits

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ArmadilloDaMan · 20/11/2007 22:08

HOw was he before he got ill?

If he was fine beforehand I would say it's just going to take a little while before he gets back into it. Plus the still feeling under the weather unsettles them. I know that doesn't make it any easier on him or your daughter though.

ArmadilloDaMan · 20/11/2007 22:11

IS there something of his mum's he could take in with him (like a scarf or something sprayed with her perfume - if she uses one) or a comforter he could take? Just to remind him of her, that she hasn't forgotten him when he is there.

trockodile · 21/11/2007 10:17

Perhaps if you don't mind helping he could cut down his hours a bit? It can be a lot for a little one to cope with having to change care settings in the day esp if he feels under the weather.
Is he worse at one or just as bad at both? Pre schools often like helpers and it may help you get to the bottom of it.

wensley · 21/11/2007 14:26

Many thanks for the replies, it's much appreciated by a neurotic grandmother
Yes he is the same about both places and yes he was fine before. And I'm willing to do more hours with me but think my daughter is trying to consider me as I've done quite a bit in recent times.
It's a fine line between being a helpful grandma and an interfering one

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Jaynerae · 21/11/2007 14:46

What a lovely caring Grandma you are. I think you are wonderful. My Mum is a wonderful Grandma too. Have no advice for you other than what others posted - but you sound so lovely I had to tell you so.!

wensley · 21/11/2007 16:39

Thank You

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bossybritches · 21/11/2007 17:14

Wensley, at the nursery I run we often find this after children have been ill. They are still under par- & probably have had undivided attention & lots of treats while ill (DVD's, snacks on the sofa, all the stuff that makes you better )

He will setle back in after a while if his routine is kept the same as before.It may just take some extra hugs & understanding from his carers.

One thought I had- it reminds me of a litle boy we had who was the same after a throat/ear infection, crying/clingy.He said everything was too LOUD! It may be the same with your GS, sensitive ears post infection ( no research to back this theory up just observation!)

Could you & your daughter have a chat with the nursery & PS staff & see if you can work out a strategy together & then all stick to it so he doesn't feel confused?

I'm sure he'll settle down evenutally but it's heart-breaking isn't it when they are like this?

Lucky him for having you as his Gma!!

wensley · 22/11/2007 13:14

I feel quite choked up about how kind everyone is To be honest not sure if I was expecting any replies, I think I just needed to write it down as I was feeling so upset - I'm afraid I wasn't joking earlier when I said 'neurotic'!
Thank you bossybritches, you are spot on with your advice I'm sure. It is so frustrating not being able to get him to say what he feels upset about, but both the nursery and the pre school have been very very sympathetic. Yesterday alone my daughter had 2 calls during the morning to let her know how he was doing and the pre school rang during the afternoon to do the same. The mother of one his little friends was so upset by his hysteria yesterday morning that she has cancelled her son's swimming lesson this morning so that my daughter has taken the morning off to take him to play there, so he can have lunch with his friend and go in with him this afternoon. He only does preschool pm on a Thursday. Am waiting to hear from my daughter now if this has helped. So a lot of kindness about!

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fedupwasherwoman · 22/11/2007 13:43

I have known of a case where after an ear infection a child got upset and cried whenever her baby sister cried. It turns out she had developed a sensitivity to certain sounds, crying baby being the main one, which actually hurt her inner ear. Could your grandson have developed something similar as all the noise at nursery might be too much for a tender inner ear.

Just a thought.

wensley · 22/11/2007 15:20

will definitely check out his ears - thank you

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bossybritches · 23/11/2007 09:21

How was he yesterday/today Wensley?

wensley · 23/11/2007 09:49

Hi BB, well touch wood some improvement. Yesterday he did cry but not when he was there and today he hasn't cried (so far!) but has argued a lot about going. So hopefully my daughter's determination is winning through Her soppy mother would have given in days ago . There is a school disco at 5pm tonight with a magician which he is pleased about, so hopefully this will all help.
Nursery has mentioned this testerone surge thing that's mentioned in the Raising Boys book, so my daughter is buying that asap! He is such a sunny little soul normally that seeing him sobbing is a real heartbreaker. Thanks again for your interest, much appreciated

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Oblomov · 23/11/2007 10:24

oh yes, the Steve Biddulph testosterone surge is well known - this could not be ''helping' along with all the other things he has had to contend with.
You sound lovely

bossybritches · 23/11/2007 12:02

Oh well done your daughter (& you!) I'm sure he'll be fine. If he's arguing & wanting to go to school discos he's obviously on the mend!

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