I've let my daughter down and failed as a mother. I'm just rubbish

[leah1991]

My nearly 3 yo has been getting very nervous of new places and people for a while now. She was never like this before lockdown. I took her to at least 3 different kids groups a week and did playdates at people's houses and outside before she even started preschool. She used to love it and be so confident. She's fine and happy at school, teachers say there's no issues with her confidence there. And she's fine if I take her to the busy playground or round my friends houses and familys houses. But now when I take her to a group she wants to run off and cry and won't stop crying until it's been going on for 30 minutes and I have to pick her up and go home with everybody looking at me, or that's what it feels like. Everybody must think I'm such a sh*t mum. I feel like I've done something wrong and it's all my fault. She has tantrums at softplay aswell, swimming and sometimes at the supermarket but usually a trolley makes her happy at the supermarket. The other went out for lunch with the in-laws and she would nt stop crying and clinging to me. It was a horrible lunch. This is just all my fault, I shouldn't of had s child as I'm just absolutely rubbish at this

@leah1991

My nearly 3 yo has been getting very nervous of new places and people for a while now. She was never like this before lockdown. I took her to at least 3 different kids groups a week and did playdates at people's houses and outside before she even started preschool. She used to love it and be so confident. She's fine and happy at school, teachers say there's no issues with her confidence there. And she's fine if I take her to the busy playground or round my friends houses and familys houses. But now when I take her to a group she wants to run off and cry and won't stop crying until it's been going on for 30 minutes and I have to pick her up and go home with everybody looking at me, or that's what it feels like. Everybody must think I'm such a sh*t mum. I feel like I've done something wrong and it's all my fault. She has tantrums at softplay aswell, swimming and sometimes at the supermarket but usually a trolley makes her happy at the supermarket. The other went out for lunch with the in-laws and she would nt stop crying and clinging to me. It was a horrible lunch. This is just all my fault, I shouldn't of had s child as I'm just absolutely rubbish at this

Hi @leah1991 please don't think you're at fault, lockdown has been so difficult for a lot of us including the little ones. I'm sure it's been a bit of a shock to system fit your little one going from lots of play dates to none for a year then back to it, they're too young to understand why that's happened. You've certainly done nothing wrong! I'm sure she'll come around and it could just be a phase? Keep your chin up, hope you're ok

Hi Blues1. Thanks for replying. I don't feel I have many people to talk to as I havent managed to make alot of friends yet as we moved here a few weeks before lockdown and all the groups stopped. Buy I've made a couple of friends now and met up with them so that's a start. I didn't tell my mum as I do t want her to know I'm upset and I can't always bother my husband as he works long hours. I look a bit of a Trainwreck today as I've been crying since 4am. What upsets me the most is that my daughter may think I'm taking her to scary places and she's just having a horrible time or that she thinks I'm making her sit in a big scary room with people she doesn't know. Her whole life before lockdown I took her to groups and got out walking talking to people to keep control of my anxiety so she didn't see I was anxious as I never wanted her to be like that. But now she's nervous so it's like I done all that for nothing

@leah1991

Hi Blues1. Thanks for replying. I don't feel I have many people to talk to as I havent managed to make alot of friends yet as we moved here a few weeks before lockdown and all the groups stopped. Buy I've made a couple of friends now and met up with them so that's a start. I didn't tell my mum as I do t want her to know I'm upset and I can't always bother my husband as he works long hours. I look a bit of a Trainwreck today as I've been crying since 4am. What upsets me the most is that my daughter may think I'm taking her to scary places and she's just having a horrible time or that she thinks I'm making her sit in a big scary room with people she doesn't know. Her whole life before lockdown I took her to groups and got out walking talking to people to keep control of my anxiety so she didn't see I was anxious as I never wanted her to be like that. But now she's nervous so it's like I done all that for nothing

It's good to talk and get things off your chest, even on this forum. What area do you live in? Always happy to chat if you need it.

Re your little one. Maybe try going to smaller groups or outside settings for a little while, ease her back into it? I know it's easier said than done but do try not to worry too much it probably will only make you feel worse and cloud any progress she might be making.

Some reassurance here- she's a young child, they are very very adaptive, so the lockdowns will not affect her long-term. I'd chose one or two more relaxed settings to take her out, and let her know that you don't mind if she doesn't join in. Ask her how she feels about a situation and agree with her feelings. Show your own confidence and happiness to be out and about. She'll learn to come round from watching you.