Toddler shuts down with other people around

[twinguilt]

I am a bit worried about my daughter, she’s 21m old and a chatty, cheeky, mischievous wee thing and a fearless explorer when with just us (her siblings and parents)... BUT when anyone less familiar comes into the house (which is v recent due to Covid) or if we see people out and about, she basically shuts down... she doesn’t speak (not even to us) , she avoids eye contact, she turns away, and she literally looks like she’s gone into herself and will only come out again once that person has left (at which point she starts talking about them!) the reason I feel it’s more than the standard shyness is that she doesn’t even talk to ME/her dad when other people are around, she doesn’t even make eye contact with us, she also doesn’t cry or anything, she just seems almost blank, when she usually has such a twinkle in her eye.
I initially thought it was just usual toddler shyness exacerbated by covid meaning that her social circle has been so very small for so long, but the more other kids I see her age, the more I worry that they aren’t like this to the same extent, so maybe it’s more than that? Has anyone else with toddlers the same age had this? Will it just take time? Or should I be speaking to someone about this? (HV?) I feel so bad for her as I worry that she finds social situations overwhelming at the moment and I don’t know why.

Speak to someone. This is how my DD's selective mutism began. Google that if you're not familiar with it. My DD did get over it but it's best dealt with earlier. Of course it could be due to Covid having isolated so many kids.....a tip for you...don't push her to speak or interact.

If anyone says "Oh! Not talking to me!" and things like that, just say "Oh she's not in a talking mood today"

Don't say she's shy or anything like that and don't make her feel bad for it...she can't help it. I know it's hard but get advice asap.

@FortunesFave thanks for replying. I have read about selective mutism as came across it when looking around the web and it is what I am worried about, as she def ticks the boxes, but I'm trying not to jump to conclusions as she's so little still... however, that's interesting that your daughter's started like this. How old was she? Who did you speak to? Sorry your daughter had this, I can appreciate how worrying it must have been - has she got over it completely?
Thanks x

She was probably about 3. It coincided with starting nursery. Outside of nursery she was vivacious and chatty. Very bright.

I didn't know what it was...she somehow slid out of it aged about 5...it got gradually better.

I didn't do anything as I didn't know...I'm sure it was selective mutism as that's exactly what she did...went selectively mute.

Her teachers were amazing though and I'm sure played a part in helping her.

@twinguilt sounds like my daughter is very similar to yours! She is 2 now and shuts down in front of anyone she isn’t familiar with in the same way as you described. She started nursery 6 months ago and it’s been incredibly difficult for her, still hasn’t adjusted fully. Any chance you could give an update on how your daughter is doing, any advice you got? Thank you so much!

Hi! This popped up and I read the opening post and was thinking 'this sounds just like my daughter was' and of course it was 😆🤦‍♀️
So my daughter is now 5 and at school, and she is fine! She is still slow to warm up to people, she is def much more a child who takes her time to assess a situation/ person before opening up, but she is fine! I warned her teacher that she was like this when she started school and the teacher after the 1st day was 'she was very quiet I like you said' but now a few weeks on she's talking and chatting pretty much like she does at home.
She's just a child who is on the shy side, and that's ok, and I'm certain it was down to lockdown that she was so like this when little, but when she started school nursery they just let her take it at her own pace and by the time she left she was very chatty and very cheeky there as well as home!

@Furuneko To add my experience - my DS had really bad separation anxiety from about the age of 9 months to about 2.3 years (would scream if I left the room for a minute). Also around 18m - 2.3 years he got really shy - if he was introduced to someone new or someone he hadn’t seen in a while he would not speak (to the point I’m sure some relatives thought we were lying about his speech!) and would refuse to look at them and often bury his head in my legs. Sometimes if they tried to talk to him he would just scream “no!” And try to escape. Nursery also said he would not interact for a couple of days with new members of staff and nursery drop offs were always filled with tears (though he would have a lovely time there after 5 mins) However he is 2.5 now and this has changed so much in the last two/three months and he now seems to have a good balance between not being overly familiar with strangers but interacting quickly and confidently with people who interact and are kind with him and all our relatives and friends have talked about how different he is and how confident he is in comparison. He trots off merrily into nursery and has a great day there. I still have some concerns around his language skills around understanding but after being so worried about how shy he was - this isn’t a concern anymore for us and just seemed to be a development curve.