Gutted

[Lethal]

It's been a while since I've been on MN. Feeling particularly gutted at the moment Ds (4 1/2) hasn't been to preschool for a couple of weeks due to illness, but he had his first full day back there today. I went to pick him up from preschool this afternoon and when I got there, the kids were all sitting listening to a story like they normally are. Usually when ds sees me, he says something like "Mummy's here!" and runs out to see me. I don't know what happened today, but when he saw me he started to cry and kept saying "I want Nanny and Poppy to pick me up" and "I don't want to go home". He refused to leave and I started to get embarrassed by the way he was reacting. In the end the teacher told him that it was time for him to go, so he stormed out the door and wouldn't come near me. When I finally got him in the car I asked him what was wrong, and he said he didn't want to live with Mummy & Daddy anymore and he just wanted to live with his grandparents. I felt hurt but played along with it a bit and said "ok, when we get home you can pack your bag and go and live with them." (Not the smartest thing to say, perhaps).

Anyway we got home and instead of forgetting about it, he got a bag out and started packing his clothes - all the while saying "I'm going to live with Nanny and Poppy". He literally wanted me to pack up all his toys and belongings, and take them over to his grandparents place. When I refused, he just cried and cried.

I am feeling SO hurt by this. He has never reacted like that before when I've gone to pick him up from preschool, and now it must look as though he doesn't want to live with his own mother. Ok maybe I'm overreacting a little but he is so fond of my parents, to the point where I'm wondering if it's healthy. OH - and dh showed a typical lack of compassion when I told him about it. He proceeded to tell me that I'd handled the whole thing incorrectly and to just ignore it. His other response was to perhaps stop ds from seeing his grandparents, if this he is going to start acting like this. Sorry this is so long - I'm just feeling really hurt and not sure what to do about the grandparent situation.... maybe he does see too much of them. Has anyone experienced anything like this before?

oh dear- I think this is probably something that a lot of kids go through. I certainly did and my parents bundled me up in the car and set off for my gran's discussing along the way how empty the house would be and how much they'd miss me etc. Thsi set me off realising i'd miss mum and dad and made me change my mind. Maybe he could stay overnight with your parents.
No need to stop him seeing them though as that's be horrid for all concerned

It is awful when this sort of thing happens but I am sure it is just a phase. When my sister was 4 she had a screaming fit in the butchers with my Mum and was shouting 'GO AWAY! U R NOT MY MUMMY! I DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!' She carried this on for ages and Mum thought that the police were about to be called for kidnapping!!

She was so embarrassed.

I wouldnt stop your ds from seeing his g'parents though. Be happy that they are so close.

All you can do is try and sit down when your DS is calm and talk to him about what happened, what it is he wanted and why. Bear in mind he is only 4.5 and is really not going to have totally rational ideas. You really need to figure out what prompted it - was is something at school, or something to do with having been ill ?

I hope it settles soon - sounds like it was a horrible unexpected thing for you to deal with.

Awful experience for you. Hope he settled quickly.

How often does he see his grandparents?

sorry no time to go into depth. ds said this - he doesn't see g'p's often & they're v. laid back so i don't blame him!
try not to get upset . my reaction worked i explained they both worked soo wouldn't be able to look after him, and they are older, so it's fun for a weekend but they couldn't keep it up for long & finally & most imp - I loved him like crazy & would be desperately sad without him & explained how much he meant to us all.

Ds1 is like this at the moment! He's 3yrs 6 months and cries EVERY time he has to leave nursery (he goes 5 mornings a week, so it does get a little wearing!) I've even contemplated sending him full time .

It can be upsetting, but I tell myself that it's wonderful he obviously loves nursery so much. In fact, this half term he was obviously really missing his friends and he told me half way through "I'm not your boy, Mummy. I'm [insert nursery worker's name here]'s boy!" I have to say that I laughed, it just sounded so funny!

I think that they do get to an age though where they know things like that are great weapons as they know that saying them really hurts you. This is where you need really great acting skills so you can just laugh it off in front of them and then go feel shit in private later on when they can't see how it affects you...