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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

14 month old whines, clings and chucks tantrums (long)

12 replies

gingerninja · 18/11/2007 16:42

My 14 month old DD has always been a bit clingy and as a young baby was very hard work but as she got older it got a bit better. We thought when she started walking she'd be happier and to a certain extent she is but the last few weeks have been incredibly demanding and I'm not sure how to deal with it. She has been cutting teeth and had a cold so I appreciate that these things haven't helped but essentially she pretty much whines all day, needs to be held and is chucking a total strop if she doesn't get something. My DH is feeling really worn out because when he's around she won't let him out of her reach. The constant whining is driving me to distraction.

Anyone experience this sort of thing in a 14 month old? I don't think it's seperation anxiety because we've been through that and she has settled into nursery really well and is ok about being left.

I think I need to know how to handle this. Do we just respond when she whinges and hope she gets over it soon (the approach we're taking so far) or do we challenge it ie 'we're not going to pick you up because we're trying to cook' kinda thing and let her just whine some more. Both of us are treading on egg shells with each other because we're both frustrated.

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Jackaroo · 18/11/2007 19:29

Hi ginger, how long has this been going on? I posted similar stuff about my 2 year old a couple of weeks ago.. someone suggested that he might actually have something wrong with him, and it turned out to be double middle ear infection and chest infection. No obvious signs other than those you've described.

Might be worth getting her ears checked at the very least?

Oh, and we're now entering week 5, so it's not as if I'm talking about a few days!

hth

Original poster

gingerninja · 18/11/2007 20:20

Thanks for your response Jackaroo, I don't think it's an ear infection because I went to the Dr with her last Tuesday and the Dr looked in her ears. She has been poorly on and off for weeks thanks to starting nursery a couple of months ago. Dr thought it was a virus this time. It probably is related to that and the teething but like I said is has always been a very demanding baby. Both I and DH are just finding it all very hard to deal with at the moment. I'm not well and he's knackered. Part of me just wants to run a mile when she gets so clingy but my head tells me that if I just go with it it'll solve itself sooner. I have been saying that pretty much 14 months though!

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Eve34 · 18/11/2007 20:51

Hi ya. You are not alone. My Little man is just the same and is attached to my hip most of the day. I know when my DP comes back from sea he will go nuts as I am too soft on him but I really can't stand the whining (sp!) it has been driving me slowly mad over the past 3 months - now I feel bad that he might actually be poorly! So will get him checked out ASAP. Just thought it was a phase!

Original poster

gingerninja · 18/11/2007 20:58

Hi Eve, it's a nightmare isn't it. Have you ever used slings? I find it it gets too much I just stick her in the sling on my back and it leaves my hands free. Only way I can cope sometimes. Hats off to you doing it on your own though. I'm sure your DP will just be glad to get home

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Eve34 · 18/11/2007 21:06

I am sure he wil but know I will get it in the neck for being so soft on him. Not tried a sling i just sit him on the work top and he is ok - he will fall off 1 day I know - bad mummy but he weights around 30lb so really should be putting a stop to it before I do my back in!

Jackaroo · 18/11/2007 21:24

Eve - please dont' worry, it may not be an ear thing - ginger, glad it's not that...

DS has always been like this when not slept enough, only thing that sorted it was getting into a huge routine, which is completely against my wiring and religion but worked a charm for him. Before it was difficult to get him to sleep for long at a time because of the nap-iness of his sleep. Since he started sleeping well, for many hours at a time, the clinginess is now confined to illness and phases I can only put down to growth/starvingness.

good luck both of you, I'll stop whinging about the last 4 weeks now

Jackaroo · 18/11/2007 21:25

Just spotted you said about nursery... does the timing fit him starting there? another big trigger possibly?

Sparkletastic · 18/11/2007 21:29

Hiya ginger - have a similar thing with my 18 mth old DD2. My HV says it is sep anxiety - there are different stages to this (like you I thought it'd be over and done with as DD settled into nursery ages ago). One stage is when they first get used to leaving you, but 2nd wave often comes after they've started walking as with the freedom to leave you comes the fear about being left, if that makes sense. DD2 has only been walking for a little while so seems to make sense. I'm just living through it really and getting grandparents to give me a break, as DD2 totally accepts my folks as subs for me. DH not so favoured!!

bekkaboo · 18/11/2007 21:57

Hi My DS (15 months) is exactly the same. Did have problems while ago, he was poorly and now I honestly dont think he knows what to do but bloody moan! Drives me round the twist. Been told normal and its the only way they can communicate. Also none of mates kids are like this so they all think he's a grump too which I hate! (dont like people critising him) sorry to rant but thought it was just mine so feel better now!

Original poster

gingerninja · 19/11/2007 10:35

bekkaboo, seems really mean of anyone to criticise him. Irritating as it is that is their way of telling you what it is.

Sparkle, that is interesting as it does coincide with her learning to walk.

JackarooShe has become a daddy's girl since starting nursery (I'm obviously being blamed for breaking up a happy home LOL) and he's the one that leaves her and collects her and this clingyness is mostly directed at him so that is making some sense coupled with the walking thing. She's happy enough at nursery and has a few tears when he leaves her so I thought she'd settled in. Maybe it'll just take abit longer.
Thanks everyone, I feel a lot happier now

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sweetboy · 23/11/2007 09:44

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margoandjerry · 23/11/2007 20:34

Me too! I have a 13 month old who can be a delight or a total whinge-bag depending on the day. On Sunday I seriously thought I would throw her out of the window - she was moaning and crying all day.

I have a slight muscle problem at the moment and my physio has prescribed 5 mins of exercises 3x per day. Hardly challenging but I literally cannot do them because I do not get 5 minutes to put her down some days.

I really think it's developmental. They're getting more independent and that's good but scary for them too. Plus moaning and crying is still their main way of communicating and just saying "I'm here!"

Although I am not an attachment parenting type person, I do respond to most of her moaning because I think she genuinely doesn't feel well/happy. Occasionally I have to let her have a meltdown (as you point out, sometimes you have to do something else like cook or go to the loo) and then when I go to her afterwards she seems exhausted and in need of a real cuddle.

For the days it gets really bad I resort to long walks so she falls asleep and very, very early nights. Sympathies.

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