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[NAB3littlemonkeys]

Sometimes I would rather do anything than sit down and do something with my kids. I feel it is because I am with them all the time and there is no real chance of a break. It was nice nipping out just with the older 2 this aft though couldn't get slippers.

apathy,demotivated,poor self esteem, self criticism = depression

Why is it we have to loose it for the kids to then behave?

I Have really tried today but they have been awful at times, though not as much and Dh is ill.

NAB, you are putting far to much pressure on yourself here. How long have you been on meds, what are you taking (i have terrible memory!).

The fact that you are posting your frustrations here means you are a great mum, so stop putting yourself down.

So WHAT if they bicker, i mean, maybe, and this is just a thought, it might now work, just leave them to it, perhaps by rising to it every time (i can totally understand why you feel you have to react) you should just make sure that no one is actually going to get killed or maimed and then walk away, they might just settle their differences themselves rather than relying on mummy to intervene.

So WHAT if they are not perfectly behaved little angles, i would be worried if they were.

I think one of the reasons you put this pressure on yourself is because, as you say, you were a great nanny. But it is different with your own children, "this time, its personal" This time if they behave badly you take it personally rather than just dealing with it. Can you take a step back, pretend you are the nanny and deal objectively with it, easier said than done i am sure.

I hate having shit days, but this will get better, i promise.

Some days when my children are misbehaving, I pretend they are someone elses children & I am looking after them... it makes it easier to deal with

Great tip, FFF2.

It it more than just normal siblings arguing though. It is all the time. They sometimes can be together for about 30 minutes without anything happening but for the majority of the time they are arguing, telling tales, fighting, etc. And they hardly ever do as they are told.

NAB, give homestart a call, you can contact them through your local surestart scheme, or get the number from your clinic. I dont envy you the squabbling, i really think you should try the "let them get on with it" approach, then maybe they will realise they have no audience to play up to, it seems they are vieing for your attention (not that you dont give it, but children want sole attention i guess). Its so difficult to take all of this on board, so many different bits of advise.

Homestart could set you up with a volunteer, just someone to come and have a chat to you, give you a break, whatever you want really - they will most likely team you up with someone who has been where you are now. Most home start volunteers are mums who have been helped by homestart in the past.

I know a lady who used to be a nanny, she said to me, being a nanny in NO way prepared her for being a mum, although imo she is nigh on perfect - grrrr

I can't leave them to it when it gets physical though and the baby is copying.

then remove the baby and yourself, it might even have a stronger effect - of course it is easy for me to sit here and dole out advice, i dont have that problem, being as DD1 is 17yrs and DD2 is 2!!

But you are coping really well, do think about homestart though, it can be a lifeline to some mums.