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Behaviour/development

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DD behaviour makes me cry almost everyday.

7 replies

itsmellslikepopcarn · 22/05/2021 15:18

My DD (5) used to be such a happy go lucky girl, she was polite and friendly to everyone, happy to just sit talking or colouring and now it seems like everything causes a massive issue and tantrum.

For some background me and DD dad separated two years ago, he moved straight in with his GF and couldn't have DD overnight or more than a couple hours 1-2 times a week for a few months, and that was a very confusing time for her. Since then we have struggled with bedtimes, but now her entire behaviour seems to have changed.

From the minute she wakes up until she goes to bed she finds issue with something. Getting dressed, having her hair done, eating anything other than snacks, having to sit down and wait for food. She will scream, stamp her feet, run away from me, occasionally hit me. We go through stages where her behaviour is better but everyday currently she has having several meltdowns daily.

I try to give her warning of things happening, give her options with outfits and ask whether she needs help but she seems to have very little patience and if she struggles with anything it causes an immediate crying fit rather than asking for help.

She currently spends 2 nights a week at her dad's and I find myself dreading going anywhere or doing anything because I know I will have to try and discipline her and she won't take any notice at all. I find everyday so exhausting with her. At her kindest she tells me what a wonderful mummy I am and how much she loves me, but 5 minutes later she can be calling me fat or crying if I take my make up off because I'm ugly, and then tells me she's only joking.

Sorry for the essay, just wondering if anyone had an experience or advice, I feel so stressed out and angry, I just cry most days at her behaviour.

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itsmellslikepopcarn · 22/05/2021 18:50

Bump any advice please?

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BaaHumbugg · 22/05/2021 19:22

Oh bless you, I don't have any advice but it sounds tough. Does she behave worse when she comes back from her Dad's? I don't have any advice re. discipline as my DD doesn't listen to me but hitting and name calling is taking it too far from a 5 year old.

Jannt86 · 22/05/2021 19:32

How awful Sad I think try and be as gentle as you can with her. This is probably a backlash of everything that's happened possibly combined with a developmental leap. She needs to know that you understand that she's in pain and reassurance that you are there for her. That said this doesn't mean you have to tolerate her being obstinant. Stay firm and stay consistent. Eg ask her to get dressed twice and third time 'you seem to be having some trouble getting dressed and problem is we have to go out very soon. Shall I help you or are you going to get dressed nice and quick' and if she refuses or procrastinates then do it for her even if she kicks and screams and explain again once she's calm why you did it. Just give her love and time and she'll probably calm down again in the end xx

itsmellslikepopcarn · 22/05/2021 21:35

@BaaHumbugg

Oh bless you, I don't have any advice but it sounds tough. Does she behave worse when she comes back from her Dad's? I don't have any advice re. discipline as my DD doesn't listen to me but hitting and name calling is taking it too far from a 5 year old.
Thank you for your response. Yes, she is worse after getting back from her dad's. Sometimes I pick her up from school and it doesn't seem as bad but if her dad drops her off at home she is worse then.
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itsmellslikepopcarn · 22/05/2021 21:38

@Jannt86

How awful Sad I think try and be as gentle as you can with her. This is probably a backlash of everything that's happened possibly combined with a developmental leap. She needs to know that you understand that she's in pain and reassurance that you are there for her. That said this doesn't mean you have to tolerate her being obstinant. Stay firm and stay consistent. Eg ask her to get dressed twice and third time 'you seem to be having some trouble getting dressed and problem is we have to go out very soon. Shall I help you or are you going to get dressed nice and quick' and if she refuses or procrastinates then do it for her even if she kicks and screams and explain again once she's calm why you did it. Just give her love and time and she'll probably calm down again in the end xx
Thank you Flowers I know I definitely struggle with trying to stay calm, I let some things go over my head and just continue to be firm but when it's 8am and we've already had 3-4 screaming or crying fits before we've even left the house I find it so hard. I will definitely try better though, I know me reacting like that will just exasberate the situation.
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icelollies · 22/05/2021 21:52

Sounds very much like she’s trying to take back some control over her life. Lots has happened to her out of her control and she’s desperately trying to get some back from the tiny things that she can control. It is also a somewhat normal part of being 5 as well.

Can you let her make some more decisions (ask her which clothes she’s going to wear today)? Or turn things into a game / race she can win? E.g. say ‘who can put their shoes on first’ then start to put yours on and be joyous that you might win (of course you don’t win) and high five her for winning, see if she responds to that?

And praise her for good choices (any choices) - eg ask her which food she would like, then say to her ‘you’re choosing to eat xxx what a good choice’. Etc etc

Just ideas! I hope it gets easier for you xx

itsmellslikepopcarn · 23/05/2021 07:34

Thanks for your reply! She is actually very competitive so I don't know why I hadn't thought about turning things into a race before! I will give that a try thank you x

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