attachment parenting, who does it and does it work for you?

[robinredbreast]

any tips

Yes yes yes, it was great. I didn't realise there was such a thing, I just followed my instincs (?), relaxed and went with the flow and I wouldn't do anything else with no.2. Forget training, and routine, and control and what not, just... look after your baby. Definatly works, DS is very happy, sleeps through, settles himself to sleep and I can relax instead of thinking "oh bugger, he should be doing this, it is 7.01 pm". Err, anyway it's great, it's NOT building a rod for your own back and IMO everyone is happier.

Don't be scared if you co-sleep, they will be tucked up with you until they go to Uni, DS wanted his cot at 12 months and despite tucking him in with me, he points into his cot and tries to climb in at 19 months! And that if you sooth them everytime they cry that they will be attention seekers or attached to you 24/7, again DS is very independant, always off on his own exploring but he knows he can come and sit on my knee if he wants without me saying no because I am too scared that he will want it all the time. Forget totally about all the "parenting" books (well, the pants ones) and just follow your babies queues. If your baby wants holding, you don't need a degree to tell you to hold it. Argh, I really am waffling -sorry!

Yes, it works wonderfully for us and our very tricky 2 year old DS. Babywearing in particular has been a huge success - haven't put him in a buggy (bar a tiny handful of times when I was carrying a big parcel) since he was about 5 months. Now he walks everywhere, pretty much of his own volition, which is much healthier for him than being buggy bound. I just take a wrap style baby carrier for if he gets tired or falls asleep on the bus.

My DS I'll admit is not sleeping through by himself, and is a huge demand breastfeeder even now, but the AP makes sleep easier - he'd be up anyway I'm sure, but this way, he just comes into bed with us, feeds and we all go back to sleep. Any other way I'd be up, having some kind of dread confrontation over the cot. I never slept well as a child and I'm sure that no kind of sleep training would work on my extremely persistent DS.

In sum, AP is great, I couldn't really imagine parenting any other way.

Oh I should add, although I said DS was tricky, AP makes him a delight - he's not some out of control child or anything, and people compliment me regularly on his good behaviour and excellent verbal skills. I put it down to AP being great for cognitive development, and a very powerful way of engaging with your child, which produces good behaviour. It's hard work, you have to engage with it and there are times I wish I could just go out, have someone babysit and stick DS in a cot with a bottle of milk (or a stern ignoring for his own good) if he wakes up. But on the whole, it makes for a happier, more joyful parenting experience than rigid routines.

hello mrsg!

i'm with ladyofwaffle, didn't realise i was doing AP especially until I found some other web resources.

dd wasn't the least bit interested in sleeping anywhere else but with me and it made life so much easier, especially with the bf at night. don't think i would've managed the first 15months had we not co-slept.

allegedley i've got a shed full of rods that i've made for my own back but at 2yrs all i get is praise for how "good" dd is. what a "great routine" she has. how happy and independent and clever and blah blah blah LOL.

her "routine" is of her own making, she self-weaned from breast and my bed at 15m. she is very happy and independent (and amazingly clever of course lol) and I do attribute this to her security in my love for her.

it;s nice to be complimented on my child, especially when it's the same people who were horrified by the co-sleeping, baby-wearing and general "molly-coddling" of my parenting!!

i smile inwardly but i have learned all my parenting from my dd. i attribute 95% of her lovliness to her and 5% to myself for allowing her to be who she is.

I tend to call it gentle parenting rather than AP as I don't feel I am 100% AP.

Anyways, just listen to your instincts and go with the flow and learn from your baby's cues.

good luck and enjoy!

well i didnt even realise that thats seem sto be what im doing allways holding dd and bf on demand letting her sleep in our room etc

been getting quite fed up with being told m=im making a rod for my own back and to just leave dd to cry and to stop cuddling her so much

and yesterday i was reading dr sears good behaviour book and realised im think i must be an attachment parent and just wondered who else out there thinks this way and howe its working out for you

We had no choice but to do AP as that's the only thing our DD would accept. If we hadn't we'd have had screaming 24/7 and no she wouldn't stop and settle she'd just get louder and unhappier. I wear her in a sling a lot and get lots done. Yes it's tiring but less tiring than pushing a screaming baby around. She's already progressed from our bed into her cot and is sleeping well for the moment. Everybody tells us how sociable and friendly she is and I have no problem with her going to others - even a shoe shop assistant while I tried on some boots! I'm reading Dr Sears the Fussy Baby book and it all seems a lot more natural than 'controlled crying'. I don't want to squash my DD's personality. If she needs us she needs us and that's that!! So hope it's working well for you too

i am so happy to read all of these threads because i too ap but also like a lot of yoy i didn't realise i was and do sometimes think the same as one of the other moms on this thread i wished we could go out on our own etc{ds never been left in 2.3 years} but then i see what a happy,lovely well grounded little man he is i know it's all worth it and when he has left home and i can no longer cuddle him to sleep and smell that lovely sweet baby smell we will be able to go|out on our own then

I didn't know it had a name until much later, we increasingly AP'd all of our boys, but particularly the youngest - he never had a cot, bf on demand day and night for as long as he wanted, self weaned at 4 etc.
He is the most confident and charming of 7 yo's - his teachers comments to me just after half term were all along the lines of how sociable he is, how hard he works etc etc. Sleeps in his own bed now - I wish we'd done more of this for the others as it is so far from a rod for our own backs.

Did Ap with DS2 not intentionally I just went with the flow, he slept on me in the day (sling or on my lap) and slept in a cot at night.

He sometimes sleeps through the whole night, other times he wil wake once, drink a bottle of milk and then go back to sleep. This is hardly an effort on our part and he sleeps 7-7.

He set his own routine by around 4 months and fed him when he was hungry, cuddled him when
I am not some hippy, earth mother, burning incense sticks and chanting naked in the back garden.

I just followed my instincts, I co-slept off and on in the day with DS1 from him being 18 months as we moved house and he was unsettled for a while and it was so lovely having this little being next to me in this huge bed. He will still do it now although at 4 1/2 day time sleeps are almost a thing of the past (he still gets really tired if we have a busy day on the weekend)

I believe both my boys are completely normal and happy.

like most people here we followed our instincts and went/ go with the flow.

rather than thinking 'rod for own back' (horrid expression btw) I just feel less hassle for parents / flexible child.

we co-slept on/off dd, now 2.6 sleeps through most nights but we did go through intensive bf stages.

she is adaptable and confident, not clingy as predicted by some relatives.

we did establish a sort of routine from about 8wks but with sequence of events (bath, bf, bed) but not as rigid timetable.

all of this very useful when travelling

I'm another mum who just went with the flow and followed my instincts.

Although what people understand as AP parenting varies parent to parent.

For instance..Dr Sears defines AP as "a style of caring for your infant that brings out the best in the baby and the best in the parents."

In practical terms this means that AP parents are more likely to share certain less mainstream parenting tools including some or all of the following .i.e. babywearing, breastfeeding, cosleeping, baby led weaning, positive discipline, elimination communication and home schooling.

However every parent chooses which attachment parenting tools are right for them to promote attachment within their family.

We choose to babywear, extend breastfed, used baby led weaning.

We use to co-sleep 0 to 6 months but now she is in her own room/cot, we get more sleep this way.

We also potty her (elimination communication) which many AP parents would think too weird (easy once you get started though)

But is your child dislikes slings etc, it would be considered AP to use the pram full time, as that is best for your child.

Really anything goes with AP

I am definitely an AP who didn't buy any books about it or really know anything about it at all. I just followed my instincts when responding to my child.

At three, she certainly is very sociable and self-confident, and much more cuddly than she was as a tiny baby when all she wanted to do was jump and get on the move.