not gonna bother name changing for this, theres no point,first i would like to say that i would glady give my life for either of my children no questions asked,but the problem is i feel i divide in my family, i think im bonded more to my ds (8) and my dh is bonded more to dd (3) reason being, me and dh have been together since we where 14 an 15 i got pregnant at 16 had ds whilst i was still 16 and stayed living with my mum and dad till ds was 2, then i felt ready to move in with dh (obviousley wernt married then) when ds was 4 dd came along, now becasue dh was there constantly there through my pregnancy etc he now has a stronger bond with dd, this bothers me a bit i must admit because sometimes i find it noticable, shes quite clearly the apple of his eye and he has far more time for her than ds, dont get me wrong, he clearly loves both but deffo has more time for dd, i feel i have to even this out by throwing my attention at ds which sometimes is difficult because dd is a difficult child and demands my attention ALL the time then causes quite a fuss when she doesnt get it, also dd and ds REALLY dont get on, dd is always being mean to ds and i hate that, so sometimes i feel like ds is pushed out a bit and it breaks my heart, its like theres not enough of me to go round, i find myself mentally exhausted most of the time and often go to bed DREADING the next day, lifes not supposed to be like that is it? i feel a crap mum because im not "enjoying" my children like i feel i should, its just that every single day is a constant battle, thanks for reading and well done if u have got this far