4yo sensory (touch) issues

[Whatafustercluck]

Just wondered about other parents' experience of this as, at times, this has a big impact on the family.

4yo dd has pretty much always been like this. During a 'phase' (which coincides with her becoming like a limpet with me) she struggles with socks/ shoes. Example: when getting dressed, she will put her socks on, complain they don't feel right, take them off, put them on again, get stressed because they don't feel right, have a strop and refuse to wear them. Then, when putting her shoes on, she will sometimes undo the velcro, tighten it, say that one feels tighter than the other and get stressed and anxious again until it escalates. She wants all the labels cutting out of all her clothes. She is very particular about how she wears things (refuses point blank to wear tights or jeans - has to be leggings). She also has little OCD type quirks, like doing things in a certain order, she's very routined.

Hitting (and exceeding) her developmental milestones. She's bright and was a very early talker so communication with her is fine, although she does have issues with 'control' and will typically rail against being told what to do when she's in one of her phases. She empathises well, laughs a lot, is very active, and an absolute little fire cracker - everyone adores her. But wow she is defiant, and these phases are a struggle for us all. Yesterday she had dh in tears and shaking because it escalated and resulted in her kicking him away and calling him an idiot. She just loses the plot, loses all ability to control her reaction which is incredibly hard when you just don't have thr luxury of time on your side to get her out of the house while she fusses and faffs.

Her cm has suggested she may have a sensory processing disorder, coupled with ocd. But she's not like it all the time, it's definitely more pronounced at some points than others and she will go weeks of being the easiest and most loving child and then wham! She hits another phase.

We've considered asd, but she shows no other signs. She interacts well with others, loves playing with and meeting other children, and is exceptionally confident around adults. It's just the sensory issues and excessive routines.

Does anyone else have any experience? How do you cope?

Sorry I don't have any advice but just commenting as this sounds like my DD too. Especially the clothes, the amount of times we have to adjust socks and shoes, she just wears them inside out now (the socks, obviously). The same with tight clothing too, she will go out in loose fitting summer dresses in under 10 degree weather.

I had read up on her being a highly sensitive child and she fit in a lot of the categories for that.

For clothes asda George do a range of sensory friendly clothes which she may find better - soft seams and no labels etc

I'm not saying it's ASD but ASD in girls is different to boys. Girls with ASD are often able to work out social rules and expectations so they often remain undiagnosed because the classic definition is based on males.

Autism definitely presents differently in girls. The comments about control and routines resonate somewhat. Autism in girls also means a lot of masking, and autistic girls can present with seemingly good social skills. And precocious language development doesn't count as a reason why a person is not autistic either. Also, you might want to look up PDA - the PDA Society website is useful - and see if it fits.

Do her 'phases' perhaps coincide with other things going on in her life? Changes that she might be struggling with, or just something out of the ordinary happening? If she likes a routine, even quite a small change might be stressful for her, and it would seem to make sense that if she's worried or struggling with something, she clings to you and can't cope with things that perhaps are ordinarily irritating but manageable, i.e., socks and shoes.

I often see this booklet recommended for sensory stuff, although I've not used it personally: www.falkirk.gov.uk/services/social-care/disabilities/docs/young-people/Making%20Sense%20of%20Sensory%20Behaviour.pdf

I agree that this sounds very much like a sensory processing disorder. Which can be standalone or can be part of something else such as ADHD or Autism. The meltdowns are also likely the result of over stimulation and an inability to self regulate. Exacerbated by being only 4 - an age at which all children are still learning to self regulate.

She's still young so I'd be inclined to start with an occupational therapist assessment because if nothing else, they can help with the sensory issues. But once she's at school, depending on how she finds it, you may need to take her to an educational psychologist or a specialist paediatrician.

On the sensory sock issue, I will say here what I say on all threads of this sort I come across - seamless bamboo socks from sockshop.co.uk changed our lives. They are not expensive and getting DS out the door changed from a 20 minute procedure to a 20 second one.

Other tricks that have worked for us is finding very soft, down coats that are completely non restrictive (Mountain Warehouse and Trespass are both good options), ditching any attempts to wear denim at any time (linen trousers from H&M saved us - they do ones that can be folded up to make them 3/4 but this also gives great flexibility for length and where it sits on the leg which works for sensory children. Also, many sensory children have weight issues for reasons I don't fully understand, so these sorts of trousers help with flexibility on length vs waist, but trackies etc work well too).

If you find shoes that fit comfortable, and can afford it, buy a second pair and just accept the child will wear the same shoes day in and day out.

Can I also add to this that I think it's important to start the processing of dealing with this now as it's not quick. For various, perfectly valid reasons, it took us a while, and while I accept that it is what it is, I do find myself wondering whether if we'd made more effort earlier, would that have had a better impact on DS? I see a similar situation with a friend and her DD now - they're doing their best but she's already struggling at school and falling further behind.

SIL and BIL are in complete denial that their DC1 needs help. It's not going well for DN.

Thank you everyone for your comments.

The phases do seem to coincide with her feeling more vulnerable I think, needing much more reassurance. I had a long chat with her cm today because her behaviour has deteriorated more generally recently too, she's incredibly emotional and acts out verbally. Her cm has seen reactions in her other young children recently and wonders whether they're needing to adjust again now things are opening back up and they can do things they've not been able to do for months. Dd has become really funny about other people having touched her food to prepare it, or having put toothpaste on her toothbrush. And this morning when I dropped her off, she wanted lots of cuddles before she would go off. Last night she asked me if I send her away every day because I don't like her and I had to explain that I love her with all my heart and need to know she's being looked after so I can work. She said she doesn't need looking after and wants to stay home with me every day. So everything seems to be too much for her at the moment.

We're trying to be very calm and patient and see things from her perspective more, asking if she wants more cuddles (which she freely accepts and loves me brushing her hair) and trying to head off issues by, for example, getting her to choose her clothes the night before. I've got next week off work too, which will give me plenty of time for reassuring her and doing nice things, without time pressures.

@skkyelark that leaflet really resonates with me and I've actually realised there are some other senses at play with her too, although the touch ones are the most pronounced. Taste and visual/ smell too.

There is absolutely no doubt that the shift from lockdown back to a more "normal" life is causing all sorts of challenges. From the very little ones' perspective, they probably don't actually remember much pre-lockdown so this is a major shift for them. For the older ones, it's also causing some challenges as they all get used to things again.

For other senses - auditory is often one that isn't as obvious at first. Some children are hugely freaked out by noise but for a lot of them it's more that they get more frustrated, more confused, more clingy in busy environments, for example. We were in a very crowded cafe for the first time in a long time on the weekend and DS was very distressed. He wasn't putting his hands over his ears or anything obvious, but it was very clear to me and he couldn't focus on anything.

Good luck OP. I truly believe recognising your child might need help is one of the hardest steps. But once you do, you can start figuring out what's needed.