DS lashing out when he is cross - can you help? (long)

[puddle]

I'm not sure anyone can help me with this except for confirming I'm doing the right thing and that it will pass.......

DS is 4.7 and started school in September (mornings only until Xmas). He's taken a while to settle in but seems to be enjoying it now and even said on Monday 'I'm really looking forward to school Mummy'. We had great feedback on parents evening - he's attentive, well behaved etc etc.

But the start of school has also co-incided with some really testing behaviour at home. He gets really cross and frustrated and hits out, mainly at me (hardly ever at DP, but sometimes at other children when there is conflict and he's not getting his way). Typical scenario yesterday. We sent the afternoon with friends and had a great time. Towards the end of the time he started to tease his friend, taking a toy then throwing it. I warned him, was ignored and ended up taking the toy away from him - then he hit me. I was cross but kept calm,told him that was unacceptable, bundled him into the car and took him home. (all the way he was calling me 'stupid', blowing raspberries,I don't like you Mummy' etc all of which I ignored).In the car he started to cry and said he was sorry. We talked about what had happened and why it was not ok.

Now writing it down, that all looks fine. But this is happening a lot. He always knows he's done wrong and says sorry but I feel like I'm getting nowhere with him - he keeps behaving like this. I don't know whether I'm expecting too much - ie he's just started school, he's tired, testing me etc and we just have to ride it out - or whether I should be getting worried that he doesn't seem to be learning to control his temper - I sometimes feel that I am struggling to control him.

Can anyone advise? Thanks if you got this far!

Sounds to me like you're doing just fine. Aside from talking to him about it and explaining why it's wrong and ignoring him doing it I don't think there's much else you can do. It could be that other boys at the school behave like this so he's picked it up to be like them and 'fit in' but is also testing it out at home and he clearly knows that it's not right - which makes me think you've brought him up really well and are doing a brilliant job with him I'm sure it'll pass once he's all settled and knows the boundaries

Thanks Zcat. I think you're right about seeing certain kinds of behaviour at school - there are definitely some boys who act up. He says he doesn't want to be friends with them because they are naughty and get told off by the teacher - he thinks they are silly because then they have to sit on the carpet and not join in!

Could it be related to tiredness? I know that both of my ds's are extremely intolerant of other people when they are tired. Things that wouldn't usually bother them get blown up out of all proportion and they lash out at whoever happens to be nearest. It may ease off once he gets used to the pace of school.

Ds1 (4.5) is exactly like this at the moment. When he behaves like this - which is pretty much every day at the moment - he knows exactly what he is doing wrong and that he shouldn't be doing it. For him it seems to be a mixture of enjoying the reaction he gets from us and the fact he's in control, and not being able to control himself enough to stop. I also get the "I don't like you, mummy" all the time. Sometimes he gets distraught when he calms down a bit, saying things like "I'm so bad, mummy" and getting quite upset about how he's behaving.

It's normally worst when he's tired or bored. He's starting school in January so I dread to think what's going to happen then! Like your ds he's always well-behaved at nursery or with other people - he just lets rip when he gets home.

I think it's just a case of riding it out in the knowledge that you're not alone.

you are not alone! a friend told me tthat when her ds does this she says 'oh are you pretending to be ben?' it apparently helps to distance the behaviour and lets you explain that 'ben' maybe young and/or doesn't know how to ask for his turn when playing or explain to his mummmy he is tired or hungry. remeber to give him loads of praise when he get through a tricky situation and gradually jhe will get through it - it so hard not to take it personally though, i've found it difficult not to resort to blowing raspberries back when i'm tired/hungry/had a bad day

Thanks everyone.
Shrub I'm actually finding it very very hard to remain calm with him and yes it is very difficult not to take it personally. It doesn't help that I find it mortifying when he lashes out at me when we are in company - I feel like such a bad mother. It seems to be triggered by physical factors - tiredness, hunger, sometimes needing to go to the loo, but it's hard to see it coming a lot of the time.
Sari I'm actually dreading him going to school full time in January - he's absoultely knckered just doing mornings!

bump

Blimey puddle. it could be my ds. He is 4.6 and started school in Sept. Recently he has taken to hitting and kicking me in the shins when I pcik him up from school, calling me "you stupid Mummy", blowing raspberries etc. Almost identical isnt it? Like you I have tried reasoning with him, telling him it upsets me and is wrong, I have tried ignoring it and I have told him off. None of these approaches have worked. This week I have dreaded picking him up from school (he only does mornings) as he is so cross and grumpy when I get there. All the other Mums get a cuddle and I get a sharp kick in the shin . Having read Sari's message, it appears it might be a common problem with boys of this age.

Sorry, that message offers no constructive advice at all!! Just want you to know it is not only your ds who is like this.