how do you handle your parents telling you what to do with your children?

[robinredbreast]

its kinda like being a kid again
also i have a few issues with how mum in particular raised me and i find her unsolicited "advice" extremley annoying

oohh mumbear, i just noticed our names are a little similar sorry, little things little minds

Greensleeves mother has obviously been passing notes to my mother re the - your kids are too comfortable, they need to experience hardship and trauma thing.

serously... my mother told me to smack my kids.

20 years down the line, she praised my mothering skills to her friends.... how I have been a picture of calm, never slapped my kids and how wonderful theyve turned out.

do you think its best for me to say something as it might eat away at me otherwise? i think ill wait till she says one of her comments then ill bite back time i stood up formyself

she was a terrible mother to me and in quite alot of ways still is now but the last 7 years since ive had my own house dh etc she has backed off a little and now i had my dd 20 weeks ago its like she wants to control me again
thanks for all the advice im taking everyone in

both my mum and my dad have said they think im a much better parent than they were.

hah! wish i agreed really... but i do try. and it feels bloody noce that they think it

yes. stand up for yourself.

i always think that calmly making a point makes much more impact than losing your temper... not that i ever always can, mind

you are perfectly entitled to say that you dont have any need of her advice on that point/subject thanks...

tho, the longer i am a mother, the more forgiving i am of my mums shortcomings, have to say.

My mum drove me mad when my dds were little insiting that my sister had been potty trained whe she was`12 months dd1 was clean at 2.9 and dd2 not till she was 3! The other thing that use to drive me mad was when I used to complain about dcs behaviour she used to say "they never do that when they're with me!" [cross]

glad im not the only one,also good point about trying to be calm when talking to her instead of getting angry its true you can never really get your point across as well then.
smartie jake my mum does that to my brother says his little is always good with her as if shes the master or something!!

i thought that when i got pregnant maybe i would feel closer to mum or at least understand her a little more but tbh i understand her even less as i cannot understand how she could of done and said things she has done to her own children

This is my MIL! I couldnT handle it TBH. I put up with it for 5 months, then had a huge blow up with DH resulting in not seeing MIL for about 6 months afterwards....so Im probably not the best person to ask...but I just want to let you know that the way youRe feeling is <span class="italic">normal</span>. New mums need support and lots of encouragement, not criticism. People who criticise new mothers have warped agendas- usually a need to be controlling or the centre of attention or something. Some people can handle it- but I couldnT. Those 6 months of not seeing MIL were the happiest, most stress free of DD`s life!

thanks cat the intro part sounds good an sometimes all you need is to get started i guess,although def cant say the bir about you did a good job raising me id prob chole as its so far off the mark its unreal !

sakura thanks for helping me feel normal at least what sort of things did your mil say to you? how comes youve made it up with her now ? did she see the error of her ways?

mumbear your mam sounds just like mine but i'm headstrong and tell her to butt out, but she still offers advice and i go yup heard it not doing it so bog off.

MIL is a different story and i had to ban her from the house altogether evil, evil woman.

thank god i had a supportive hubby thats for sure.

I tend to smile and nod and then completely ignore it, or if Im suffering from pmt tell them how outdated their advice is

In those situations I tend to just explain very very clearly and carefully why i am doing things a certain way, quote research, etc etc. But there are times admittedly when you just have to say, sorry mum/mil, that's not how i want it to be done, and and then proceed to just ignore what they have said and do what makes you comfortable anyway. If they persist in trying to undermine you on the very same issues then be blunt, and remind them that you have already told them how you plan to do things.

I totally empathise though, after several months of very stable sleeping patterns (which occurred naturally and not due to coercing her!), my dd has had a few dodgy nights lately. I made the silly error of telling my mum i was knackered and why. To which she replied "Well, i did tell you to be stricter with her earlier on didn't i? You've made a rod for your own back there haven't you?" ARGHHHHHHH!

But that said, with the hungry/napping thing, it did take me a while to really differentiate between dd being over-tired and wanting a feed. My mum did help me realise that sometimes i was feeding her when she actually needed a sleep, and ever since, dd has napped much more and been a much happier baby....

Fantastic comeback oldmother!! Thats what ill be saying from now on!! Perhaps its just their way of trying to correct the crappy job they did on their own kids!