How often do your toddlers cry in a day?

[Bunnybaubles]

I'm just wondering what's normal. My DD is coming up 3, and she cries / moans around 85 to 90% of the day while awake.

She is being assessed for ASD and I am expecting an official diagnosis soon, BUT my older DS who has Asperger's syndrome never did this, my nephew who also has ASD does not do this and other ASD children in her play group don't do this. I am aware ASD presents different in girls, could it be that??

So I guess I'm wondering if she is just a normal toddler or is it her ASD?? She is a very highly strung toddler - frightened of everything, stressed by everything, literally anything will set her off!! My days are spent going from one drama to the next, minutes apart, reassuring her, explaining things, cuddles, trying to 'fix' potential triggers. It's just so exhausting!

It breaks my heart to think so much of her precious toddler years is spent in distress, and I feel like I don't know how to make it better. Does anyone have any similar experience or advice on what could be wrong or what I could try that would help long term?

Thankyou for reading

With my 3YO it can really vary. She can have days when she's like this or being obstinant and sulky and sometimes worse all day and can have others where she's a total angel. Is your LO getting enough sleep? I'd say this is the number one determining factor of my LO's mood. They're all different and even if they're whingey-bums their whole toddler years it doesn't mean they're unhappy as such and doesn't necessarily mean they're going to develop negative adult characteristics either. I think all you csn do really is respond to it symoathetically, preempt and prevent it as much as possible but don't pander and don't allow her to rule the roost with it if that makes sense. Is anything else making you think she has ASD? X

Can relate with a slightly younger DC.

Is she having speech and language input or any other therapy? Does she struggle with transitions/change? Do you think she understands what's happening now and what's going to happen next? Visual cues to help explain things could be useful if you're not already using those. This has been helpful for my DC. Or if not to help with understanding of situations, to help manage her anxiety/prepare her when things are unexpected or change. Now/next boards are useful if you can relate to any of what I put.

You could also contact the autism service by telephone for advice on this issue. Assume you're UK based?

@Jannt86 Oh gosh, toddlers can be hard work haha! I get all the petulance too, DD's usually comes with throwing furniture or toys!! She only started doing that after starting at a private nursery 2 afternoons a week on her pediatrician's recommendation that time with NT children could be good for her. She lasted weeks before we had to remove her, she clearly wasn't coping!

Investigation into ASD has been ongoing now for a couple of years, her pediatrician confirmed ASD is the right path for investigations after her face to face appointment last year. DD has also had 2 GARS questionnaires scoring 'very likely' for autism and I have been advised once she is in a nursery setting and speech and language can observe her I will be told their findings. Everything has been on hold because of Covid.

@Jay2790 I'm unsure what speech and language will do for her tbh. She is verbal, but her language is very repetitive, echolalia off the chart!! She repeats words over and over until you say it back to her! To be completely honest, I'm unsure of how much she understands. Sometimes I can talk with her and she answers, but a lot of the time I say things to her and she just repeats what I say so I never know if she understands, if that makes sense!

She appears on the surface to be ok with transitions, but I don't think she copes. I have used visual aids in the past but it didn't make much difference.

Right now, I think her biggest thing is anxiety, its never been this bad and I don't know what changed. The slightest noise in the house, everyday noises and she starts screaming like she is frightened! So she ends up spending most of her day screaming: there's a noise, there's a bird in the sky, adverts interrupted her programme, a bit food got on her hand, her fork needs washed (a million times during meal times), her sister woke up or fell asleep, and all the other times she just wanders around crying, but not properly crying!

I read that autistic children do just randomly wail but I have only seen my DD do it so far, for so long!

Thankyou both for replying, I find it useful getting insight into other people's experiences, and sorry for the long post Apart from DP I don't have anyone else I can talk to about this.

My own DC is similar, and SLT has definitely helped us. We use a "now and next" strategy with images or objects to help with transitions. Really simple language - e.g. "lunch now (point at food), tidy up next (show cloth ready to wipe up)", with plenty of processing time to help DC understand what's coming next. Literally for any transition that might be difficult. Or "park now, car next" showing a picture of your car on your phone. Then thinking time. It takes some time to set it up initially but my DC is now very familiar with the process and it has helped loads. I no longer feel like I'm being constantly told off for everything all day!

With the things that upset her, would explaining "bird gone" with a picture/signing help? Having a cloth always to hand to wipe her/the fork, spare forks ready, saying "adverts now, Duggee next" etc. keeping language really simple..

Just ideas, and every child is different, but I hope there's something in there that you haven't tried. It is so tough! It sounds like you have a brilliant insight into what's going on.