Please help with my aggressive 2 year old - at end of tether with his behaviour

[TheMags]

Please help me deal with DS1's aggressive behaviour. I really thought we were over the worst and he was getting better but the last week he has just been horrendous. Today, for example, we went to toddler group and within 5 minutes he was involved in a fight with another boy in the playhouse. I didnt catch what set it off but witnessed them both trying to bite each others face and apparently my son bite the other child's hand (this is the first time he has bitten). Even though I tried to stay as close to him as possible he still managed to hit and pinch several other children and eventually after he jumped on to a little girl at singing time for no reason I had to take him home. This was after giving him several warning and taking him out of the situation.

I really dont know what to do with him. Hes a very social little boy and does enjoy the company of other children but I dont feel I can mix him when hes hitting them all the time as its not fair on other parents.

I should add I also have a 7 month old baby and the behaviour has definitely been worse since DS2 was born. I am wondering whether his behaviour has got worse because DS2 is starting to get attention and be on the move??

I'm not sure whether its best to remove him from toddler groups (maybe just stick to one a week for a while) or should I continue to mix him to help him learn social skills? I really am at a total loss over what to do with him.........

How do you react when he hits/bits/jumps on people?

How angry/firm/stern are your "warnings" and how many is "several"?

One nice, one angry then take away from situation and do not reward by distracting with lovely toy etc, but has to sit still on your lap/sofa for a short while ( like a mini timeout?)

Tigana - when he hits etc I try to go down to his level and explain he mustn't do it. I also try to get him to say sorry to the hurt child which he normally does (although today he was adamantly refusing). Several today BTW was 2 other children - all in the playhouse again which was why I couldnt intervene in time. I should add the playhouse was new today and he wanted it all to himself. The exception was during singing time when he was sat on a chair and then for no reason got up and jumped on a little girl who he had hit earlier in the playhouse. As you can imagine the mum was not happy so I thought it was best to take him home which I have previously threatened during my last warning.

Do you explain in a soft and gentle way or in firm, stern "I mean it" way?

I certainly wouldn't suggest you shout at him about it, but I wonder if he needs the message to less 'explaining' and more 'telling'.

" No. You mustn't hit, it's naughty"
is probably more likely to work with a 2 year old than
" you shouldn't hit people because it hurts them and it makes them sad and you wouldn't like it if they hit you would you?"

The other old chestnut is around whether you praise him when he doesn't hit/behaves well etc.

i would explain to him how he should behave before you go and then say if he hit bites or pushes you will go home and if he does it make him say sorry and take him home

soon he will learn you mean what you say and there are consequences to his actions

it may be a jealousy thing maybe he wants all to himself where ever he goes but you need to make sure he knows there are consequences for this

make sure you do a special one on one time with him and reward good behaviour no matter how small

ignore bad if able but time out bad behaviour or however you would deal with it hw will start to learn when he is getting your attention and that is by being good his testing his limits my ds2.6 went through this phase now an angel as he knows mummy means what she says good luck