Are they meant to be this difficult?

[5upermum]

My daughter is 15 months. She doesn't quite walk, but she has about 20 words or so and can communicate fairly well with me.

However, she is such an unhappy little thing for so much of the day. She used to be a joy - laughs, giggles, and cuddles galore. I'm not saying she never cried, she did and was a colicky baby, but since turning about 1 has been so, so difficult in a whole new way.

She doesn't sleep well at night without BF which means I never get good sleep. She constantly wants BF, and if I don't do it (or say no because I need sleep) she screams and screams for hours and wakes everyone in the house up and gets in such a state. She often wakes up in the morning and as soon as I say good morning, she screams and hits me. She cries when I try to feed her, she screams if I do anything that she finds not to her liking, even if all I want to do is play with her.

I get this is all toddler development and is probably so normal, but I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells and I am exhausted of having to block out the constant screaming and whining. Even when I take her to groups and she seems to have fun, she will often end up having a scream and head butting things.

Which is another thing - she headbutts, kicks, smacks, and pinches. Occasionally she bites. I say "ouchie" and explain it hurts mummy and try to ignore it, but I just don't know how to manage it anymore. Nothing gets through.

I very much take the approach to be gentle and try and understand why and talk through her feelings, but obviously as a toddler she doesn't really care for that. It also is increasingly hard to remain calm when she is so persistent no matter my approach. I'm just exhausted of how hard everyday is. I feel like I never get a moment to relax because something causes her to lose the plot exactly when I finally make a cup of tea, or close my eyes to sleep.

Is it normal to dread everyday with her so much that I often cry myself to sleep? I'm so unhappy and I don't know how to cope anymore. If this is 1, how much worse are the terrible twos?? Does it make me a terrible mum to dread each day so much??

No real advice but sympathy. Does she take bottle? Would bottle before bedtime or even (if desperate) throughout the night, help?

I don't think hitting and screaming is normal, and not even for a toddler. Does she nap during the day? Can she be overtired? Hungry? Stressed? Sounds like something makes her unhappy, perhaps fixing that would give you some more peace and your happy girl back?

Sympathy from me as well – that sounds very tough, definitely tougher than just average toddler.

Firstly, a break for you. Do you have a partner? If so, what do they do with your daughter? As things open up again, are there friends or relatives who would take her for a little bit? A walk to see the ducks/trains/whatever with little one safely contained in the buggy can be a good option if they aren't that comfortable with each other after lockdown.

I also noticed you mentioned problems with both eating and sleeping, and I think even the sunniest toddlers tend to go to pieces when they're tired or hungry. What are her naps like? Would you consider cosleeping (following the safety guidance) to help with the BFing issue? How is she with food? If she doesn't like you feeding her, can you focus on food she can feed herself?

In terms of hitting, etc., I'd go for very simple natural consequences at this age. People don't want to play with people who hit, so when she hits, she loses your attention (briefly, she's only tiny). She hits, say 'no hitting, that hurts' firmly but calmly, put her down away from you and direct all your attention to something else for a minute.

I also like to tell my toddler why she can't do something/has to do something and help her name her feelings, but I wouldn't do it right in the moment when it comes to hitting/biting/etc. – it's attention, after all, and I think the hurting people = no attention needs to be as immediate as possible. I've tended to say something whilst having a cuddle afterwards, 'I won't play when you hit because it hurts' or similar, as short as possible.

I would also say that children seem to hit tricky patches at different ages, so whilst for a lot of children, two is hard, for some it's three ('threenagers') – for you it might be one, with two being fairly straightforward by comparison.

I can't contribute much other than to say DO NOT worry about the 'terrible twos'. The 12 - 24 months were so so so difficult with my son.

Two was a breeze in comparison, as is three. Yes he has occasional tantrums but its nothing like the long whiney angry miserable days of having a one year old.

My 2.5 year old doesn't sound dissimilar. He is much better now and I can take him anywhere and van be pretty positive he will behave nicely (apart from when I want to leave- cue tantrum if it's something he's really enjoying!). Howrver, when he was around 1, I felt like I couldn't take him anywhere and was constsny walking on eggshells with him. It was tough and I avoided many a meetup with other mum friends because of this. But he just grew out of it over time. It wasn't a linear progression- there were certain ups and downs and phases- but he did improve massively and now he's a pleasure to spend time with and really good company. He LOVES the Playball class I take him to - I couldn't imagine taking him to classes q year ago! He is still very strong willed though and very determined... but thats his personality. As a previous poster said, tiredness and hunger made it waaaay worse. A hangry toddler is doom!