Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

WWYD if someone elses kid kept hitting you etc.

25 replies

LadyOfWaffle · 14/11/2007 21:44

Whenever I go to MILs, my DHs half brothers kid always jumps on me, kicks me, punches me (once in the face and a few times in the stomach) and they do nothing about it. When he does it to Dhs half brother, he just swings him around, holds him down on the floor laughing etc. and they tell me "oh, just hit him back" but I can't. But at the same time, I have this kid really actually hurting me, he even kicked 19 month old DS in the back. How do I deal with it?

OP posts:

PeachesMcLean · 14/11/2007 22:11

I absolutely wouldn't tolerate that. You have to tell the child directly and calmly that they're not allowed to do that to you as you don't play fighting.

If the family put up with it, that's up to them (though rather disturbing) but you and your child shouldn't have to put up with it.

EmsMum · 14/11/2007 22:12

How old is the monster kid?

Original poster

LadyOfWaffle · 14/11/2007 22:15

I do say "no, it's wrong to hit" but he is so ... I dunno... he is just running off and not listening at all. Maybe I should try and make more of a point of it. He doesn't randomly come over and hit though, he will be charging round the house then leap on you and swing from your neck, or if you are sat on the sofa he will jump all over you and be whacking you as he goes - hard to say anything when he isn't directly hitting you.

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyOfWaffle · 14/11/2007 22:15

5, his brother has started it too, he is 3

OP posts:

PeachesMcLean · 14/11/2007 22:20

Ah, I know the sort... I guess I'd just try and hold him off and exclaim "whhhooooaaa, no thank you, I don't like being hit / jumped on / bounced on". Hold his hands if necessary. Look him firmly in the eye.

If they're the kind of the family who enjoy rough and tumble with no limits, the kids will find it harder to learn other people have limits but you really need to put your foot down with him directly. I wouldn't bother trying to tackle the parents. Do you think they'd challenge you for it?

Original poster

LadyOfWaffle · 14/11/2007 22:35

I'll try restraining him more and telling him clearly I don't like it, thanks. Parents see nothing wrong, the mum half heartedly says stop it, but that's it. The dad teaches them it in the first place! I'll do what you said, thanks.

OP posts:

PeachesMcLean · 14/11/2007 22:55

at parents.

Let us know how it goes, won't you? When are you going round next?

Original poster

LadyOfWaffle · 14/11/2007 22:58

Dunno, was there today but he was ok, just one jump. Don't tend to go round there much anymore, but it is a pretty big issue for me when we do go. I'll let you know!

OP posts:

colditz · 14/11/2007 23:00

First time you say quite firmly and loudly "Ohhh no, you don't hit me, it is not allowed, and if you keep doing it I won't want to stay here."

Second time, you say "Stop. That. Right. Now. Do. NOT. Hit. Me. And. Do. NOT. Hit. Your. Baby. Cousin!"

Third time, leave, stating that if his parents can't control him to the point wher he is hitting aduls and babies, you don't wish to visit while he is there.

Original poster

LadyOfWaffle · 14/11/2007 23:02

tempting colditz! I don't want to shout at another child though, I will just be firm.

OP posts:

colditz · 14/11/2007 23:03

No, you don't shout, you use The Voice, that tone that will be listened to. A Teacher Voice.

At 5, he will be familiar with it from school anyway. Ds1 is (although I'd never let him hit anyone)

Original poster

LadyOfWaffle · 14/11/2007 23:07

OOOh, ok. Yup, will do that. No. 3 will cause too much agro, it's the same with them now smoking in the house again, I feel I cannot just leave.

OP posts:

PeachesMcLean · 14/11/2007 23:07

Oh no, you won't need to shout You just raise your voice in a firm and determined manner. It's the emphasis (and rhythm in Colditz's second one) that counts, not shouting.

colditz · 14/11/2007 23:16

Small boys need a voice of authority. His mum sounds like a prat, and his dad an even biger one.

colditz · 14/11/2007 23:17

Also, once you DO have him under firm control, don't be surprised if he sticks to you like glue and worships every word that drops out of your mouth. Seriously!

PeachesMcLean · 14/11/2007 23:21

You enjoy control, colditz?

LOL, LoW, colditz has a point. If this kid is getting so little control from his parents, it might be an attention thing too.

Original poster

LadyOfWaffle · 14/11/2007 23:27

Do you think? Well, I will definatly have some element of control but I hate to think I am diciplining (argh, you know what I mean) someone elses child, especially with them sat on the sofa right there.

OP posts:

kidsrus · 14/11/2007 23:28

tell him you have a bad back and not to jump on you. put it on when he hits or kicks "ouch that really hurts please don't do that again"
Tell him you don't like it.
be firm and don't let them walk over you.
My friend had boys like that and they used to climb over my d/h so much he had neck ache for a week. I told him to tell them off it worked no problems now, he even enjoys visiting now.

Original poster

LadyOfWaffle · 14/11/2007 23:30

I do have a bad back, and tell him over and over when he is swinging from me but he really doesn't listen at all, he doesn't connect at all - it really is like talking to a brick wall.

OP posts:

PeachesMcLean · 14/11/2007 23:33

You're not stopping him from carrying on in just the same way with his parents, you're just setting out the boundaries in relation to you and your DS. In this case, I'd make it all about you, eg "I don't like it when you jump on me" not "you shouldn't jump on people". Does that work? And smile like an idiot when he jumps on his father...?

kidsrus · 14/11/2007 23:33

oh dear sounds like a job for super nanny come on jo where are you

Original poster

LadyOfWaffle · 14/11/2007 23:34

Yeah, guess so Peaches, thanks!

OP posts:

kidsrus · 14/11/2007 23:39

It won't happen over night you have to keep chipping at him. perhaps even removing yourself & ds from the room when he is misbehaving just to let him know your not playing.(you can't really send him to the naughty step can you)be nice if you could

Original poster

LadyOfWaffle · 14/11/2007 23:40

He runs round the whole house, us moving to the kitchen wouldn't mean anything to him, he is like a gone off firework bouncing around everywhere!

OP posts:

colditz · 14/11/2007 23:45

Harrrr I know, I speak as if i have total control over ds1, don't I !

Actually, I always tended towards the namby pamby "Please don't, dear", then I had ds1 to whom it may have been merely the murmuring of the distant breeze.

Ds2, I can namby with all I like. He is a different type of child, if he won't do what I say, I get teddy to say it and away he toddles. The naughty step (for hitting his brother on the head with a wooden block, persistantly) reduced him to tears although he sits there quite happily whan it's not part of time out.

But your 5 year old nephew sounds liker ds1, and I am afrad he may well not care if he is hurting you because he is too carried away with what he is doing. certainly not saying he is a bad child, but sometimes I (and maybe you, with this child) have to be forceful voiced to even have him register I am speaking.

Flip