Am at my wits end with my ds - terrible temper tantrums- help needed ?????

[yorkiemom]

Any help or words of wisdom would be most welcome. My DS (3.2) Is having the most terrible temper tamtrums, actually not sure if that is actually what they are!!
He can fly into a rage at the drop of a hat, and is will literally try to hurt me any way he can, biting, smacking, scratching, really awful behaviour. He onlt looses his temper with his DS (6) or me.
He would never hit his dad, and I have checked at pre-school and there are no problems there.
I know its normal for tantrums at this age, and he does have delayed speech, and so can get fustrated, but I what I really need help on is how to deal with the aggresive behaviour. The naughty step is where he normally goes, but I don't think this really works that well.
I once saw an episode of the Baby Whisperer and she recommends holding them on your lap until the tamtrum has stopped, and they have calmed down. Have just tried this, and am covered in scratches, and we both ended up in tears!!
My DS now seems totally shattered, and when I'm trying to hold him he justs seems soooo angry!!
Any ideas ?????

Have you tried walking away and ignoring it?

Do try that when possible, but these rages mainly happen when he cannot get his own way, or I am trying to disipline him.
Sorry I am not explaining myself very well.
for example he pulled his sisters hair today, and when I was telling him off he got angry with me because I was telling him not do do that.
Half an hour later we were taking my DD to school and he did'nt want to walk. I could'nt just leave him there and walk off, as we were by a busy road.In the end I just picked him up, and then he went balistic !!!
Very embarassing !! Lots of smug moms watching me in horror!!!!

Yes it's very difficult especially when it is public. I have a difficult child too who is prone to tantrums. If she is trying to do something and can't she'll have a tantrum and I just walk away or just ignore. I wait til she calms down and then say now ask properly and I'll see if I can help. I also take things away, like a favourite toy. Or say that's silly and laugh at her. She comes round quicker these days but it's not a magic cure. I didn't have luck on the naughty step for tantruming.

What's worse is that people think you're a really slack parent even though you don't accept the behaviour. My folks are disciplinarians and are horrified.

You could try this.

One is communications, he is probably getting frustrated at being unable to communicate (or maybe something else). The second is tantrums

Don't lose temper.
Don't lose control. (easier said)
Let tantrum fizzle as much as possible.
There can come a point you just need to take control - if its not going down. Just got to get it across tantrums are a waste of his time and energy.

Then one the other side, when things are normal, try sitting down 1-1 and try to communicate - I am guessing he understands, just speech is delayed. He maybe frustrated as pre-school but takes it out at home or something. Just by doing this, maybe some frustration may dissipate - especially if he feels he is getting somewhere.

Tantrums outside are just hard to deal with especially if you have to go somewhere.

Anyway just a suggestion

Rather than "discipline", you could try offering something child will want to do more. Not even in words, perhaps, but as he starts whatever it is you don't want him to do, just get out a favourite jigsaw and invite him to join you, or start throwing paper aeroplanes or something.

That's a good way of avoiding tantrums in the "discipline" situations.

And in the communicating ones - well, those are really hard, and all we can do is pick up on our children's non-verbal cues to try to understand them, and to be patient and clearly ready to help as soon as we understand what the heck they are on about.

Thanks very much everyone, have just got back form their swimming lessons and my beloved ds completely showed me up by smaking me very hard around the face!!!!
At this point I really though I was gping to cry, and my good friend pulled him onto her lap and told him off - he looked completely god smacked !!!
What do you all suggest I do when at home and he goes into one of his mad rages??
My friend has suggested putting him in his bedroom, holding the door if necessary nutil he calms down, and then to try talking to him. She did this with her boy, and it was the only thing that eventually worked. Any ideas ???

Many thanks again for all answers I really appreciate you all trying to help xx

i try to let him cool down on his own in bedroom if at home
but dont close the door over

i say i will talk to him when the tears tantrum is over
(we speak english, not skrikish is my motto!)

stay as calm as you can, tis hard
walk away til he is calm and ready to talk

it is very difficult i know!!
and big emotions are alot for anyone to cope
with and there is added testosterone days too!

and when there is a good time i ask him about what was going on, why it happened etc..

Thanks very much HairyIrene, I just don't want this to get any more out of hand.He is good at pre-school which is something at least !!
It is just heartbreaking when your own DS is smaking you around the face, and the anger in his face is just unbelievable - I don't know how someone so small can be in such a rage !!
I think I will try the bedroom idea, if anything at least I won't be in the firing line, if he is out of reach !!
Thanks very much again for your support, it is very much appreciated.

Perhaps tomorrow will be better !!!
I laughed with my friend earlier, I went through hell to get both my dd and ds so am very lucky and must'nt moan too much !!!

no probs, yorkiemum
i had similar problems with ds, sudden ferocious rages from nowhere...there were some good help here and more similiar threads, i cant really link sorry, but have you checked the archives on this one...its interesting subject..

the weird thing is hitting kicking from nowhere esp if you dont smack etc..its baffling but normal apparently!

i thought i'd got on top of it lately and yesterday he kicked me in shop so it was straight home (great if you can do it) cause he knows i will carry out threats..(pick my threats very carefully of course..)

am glad you can laugh too..!
it can be either that or crying sometimes...
good luck tomorrow..