Should I tell my friend that her son is making DS unhappy?

[ptangyangkipperbang]

Not sure that I'm posting this in the right topic but here goes...
DS1 aged 9 has been friends with x since nursery. X has always been the dominant one and I have found it difficult to understand why DS1 has wanted to be close friends with someone who can be v nice on occasion, but more often treats DS1 like s**t. DS1 said it was easier to stay friends because x was part of the 'gang' of six children from his class who play together.
DS often comes home saying x has been mean and I know another mum whose son is also saying exactly the same thing as DS.
When DS1 came home from school yesterday I asked him how his day had been.. He replied, "the last two days have been great because x has been away and so he couldn't be mean to me".
Do I say anything to his mum? She is a governor at the school and often complains about other's behaviour. However, she seems deluded by the behaviour of her own children (though perhaps we all are a bit ). By all accounts his younger brother is exactly the same.
I think I would find it easier if she wasn't a friend as I know she is going to be incredibly hurt (or think DS1 and I are talking rubbish!)

Hi, sorry to hear about your ds, it doesnt seem fair that X is making his school life miserable and other children. I would maybe talk to the teacher first and see if they can suggest anything ie talking to X and maybe his mum. If they dont want to help then i think that i would let her know what X is up to and how unhappy your son is with his actions. But saying that how would u approach the topic? maybe someone else will have an idea
Hope u get it all sorted soon, so that your son can enjoy his days at school xxx

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I guess it depends on your friendship - if you are close then i would have a carefully chosen few words with him mum. Dont say that X is being mean to ds as such, just say that ds has been upset because he and X aren't getting along at present. It will probably blow over, could it be that these two boys are vieing for position within their little gang?

I totally agree cod that the ideal solution would be if DS1 and x were no longer mates. He doesn't go to his house to play anymore because he just doesn't enjoy it so that has made things easier. It's school time that is harder. Out of a class of 28 there are a group of six that play together. The others in the group are lovely but x is always there too as they all like the same things - football, basketball and all things sporty.
I said to DS1 that he needed to toughen up and if x was doing anything to him that was mean he should say he didn't like it and walk away. DS said he tried this when x was blocking a door and wouldn't let DS past. DS1 asked x to let him past. x refused so DS tried to push past. X then kicked ds continuously till DS managed to get past.
Have spoken to teacher and although he is very good normally he just said that he tries to keep DS and x apart because "they tend to get silly when they are together". I know ds1 isn't perfect but ever since nursery it seems it has been a case of x egging ds1 on and ds1 being daft enough to do whatever x has asked. It is almost as if x has some sort of 'hold' over him - DS1 knows logically that x isn't a good friend to have but he doesn't feel able to cut all ties. Does that make sense?

DH describes x as the alpha male of the pack - like he is always wanting to be 'top dog'. The other boys in the group are too laid back and busy playing football for that .

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