Late age 3/early age 4 routines / bad behaviour

[nc1234567]

Hi all;
Name changed for this

I really don't know what to do with my nearly 4 year old daughter.
Lockdown has started some negative behaviours as well as other things I think and I just don't know what to do
Every night is a challenge, a negotiation followed by a tantrum/meltdown over every single thing

She's always been incredibly well behaved, fell asleep on her own in her bed, and it's like I all of a sudden have a different child.
We have always from very young had the, get home, have dinner, have a bath, book, bottle bed
Recently every single aspect has been either a full on refusal or screaming shouting, she will throw her plate if she doesn't want the food and demand milk, refuse to sit at the table, wants to eat on the sofa (the sofa thing started in lockdown when I was trying to work whilst watching her and I was trying to make both our lives a little easier and nicer but it appears, I've made mine a lot harder) she will push me, hit me (in meltdowns which she has never seen and I don't know where it comes from) refuse the bath then refuse to get out the bath, then have a meltdown getting into bed running around, if I close the gate to keep her in her room she has a meltdown

Please can anyone give me tips on discipline in this age group, I have always leant more on the side of gentle parenting as much as possible but at the moment everything is a screaming meltdown, I am 95% of the time calm and patient but I can't keep doing this every single night, my partner works late every night so it's usually down to me and it is draining the live out of me I dread collecting her now which makes me so sad because I miss her so much and then it's like as soon as she walks out of the school gate she changes, grunting at me when I ask about her day etc

She gets into the worst states of meltdown and it breaks my heart seeing her in that state I just don't know what to do, if I'm firm it doesn't help if I try and reason it doesn't help, if I offer a cuddle etc doesn't help it just seems to make her worse

We recently moved her preschool (this behaviour started before this move) and the move has helped a little I think
She is the loveliest girl ever most of the time and over the weekends but these bedtimes and evenings are just getting too much

Any advice tips would be so gratefully appreciated xxx

I came on this thread tonight to ask the same thing regarding my daughter. She is the same age and I am seeing the same behaviour, I hope someone has the answer.

I think this past year has been so hard for little ones. My DD is a year older and has been bonkers, frankly.

A few thoughts...If this is mostly after school and evenings, she could just be exhausted end over tired. Would it help to plan in some rest/quiet time after school? And maybe bring her bedtime forward a bit?

You could also consider doing a visual schedule of after-school/bed time. So it would show all of the things you describe and make it really concrete and predictable to her.

How about some closed choices to give her more control? So she can’t sit on the sofa, but could she choose her place at the table, the colour of her plate, etc?

A good book for this age is ‘How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen’. Full of good tips.

What are pre-school saying??