13 week old won’t go to anyone but parents - please help!

[APmum11]

Hi all,

I’m a FTM to my 13 week old DD. DD was a lovely chilled baby until about 10 weeks old, since which she’s become much more fussy. I’m okay with this though as I know that there are lots of developmental leaps they will go through and it’s a case of gritting through!

The thing that is bothering me however is that my DD has become very aware of ‘strangers’ - meaning she won’t go to anyone but me or her dad! My family and my in laws all live relatively close so are available to help/ give me some respite but aren’t able to currently as she won’t go to anyone without crying hysterically. She never used to be like this but this has now been going on for over three weeks which feels longer than just a phase and means little ‘me’ time as my husband works long hours.

Any advice from any mum that has also gone through this would be massively appreciated x

The absolutely best way to deal with separation anxiety is to go with it. Give her lots of reassurance and don't force her going to others if she's not happy.

I agree with Bunny. Give her time, this won't last.

Thank you all - I’ll stick with it! x

Just to add - is separation anxiety common this early on? And any idea how long this will last? x

My first would go to others but my second absolutely would not. She would only go to me, daddy and our nanny at the time. Absolutely no one else.
I'd say as frustrating as it can get , because you do want a rest and some help at times, treasure it... because this won't last long and the newborn time is so special....
But for how long it could last... With my second it was easily until she was gone 6 months I'm afraid!

Ahh, same with my little one, fine with me and daddy but no chance with anyone else! Thanks for all of your advice, super appreciated

I'm also going through this with my just turned 6 month old. He developed separation anxiety very early on too, around 8 weeks old. Now he's so bad that he will go to DH for a bit and very reluctantly but his eyes are always searching for me still. It's endearing how someone can love you so much and so unconditionally but by God, I need a break. I have a banging headache today as he has heen whinging all day. DH and I tried to get on with some DIY so my DM has him but she returned him after 15 minutes because he got so hysterical. Deep sigh. It will pass.

Ahh @Feckfeckfeck123 I’m sorry to hear this and that it’s gotten worse rather than better! My DD actually went to my mother for a bit today but this only lasted about 20 mins, I am hoping it’s a turn for the better but who knows. I’m with you re: needing a break - hoping this passes sooner for us rather than later! Does your LO see other people regularly? I am trying to make sure my DD sees my mother at least every other day at the moment to help ease her into going with her.

I do hope it's a turning point for you @APmum11 my eldest (now 11) was also like this and I developed PND. I remember having him strapped in the pushchair with me in the bathroom and he watched as I showered because he wouldn't even stay with DH. He's lovely now, and we laugh when I tell him how clingy he was.

Yes DS sees my parents regularly, they live 2 minutes away. I aim for a short daily visit to get him used to them and he is better with my DF than with DM but only if I'm around. We invited them round for tea the other night, he whinged and cried the entire time they were here but was fine the moment they left! I was actually in tears when they'd gone, it's emotionally exhausting.

Thanks @Feckfeckfeck123. That’s interesting - do you remember how long it took to pass with your first? So sorry to hear that you suffered PND that time round, I hope it isn’t the same this time? Hopefully we’ll be laughing at these crazy memories soon enough too!

Oh I’m sorry to hear tea was awful the other night. My DD has generally been better if others are involved in things she likes beforehand i.e. a walk or bath time so maybe something you can try if you haven’t already? It really is exhausting - you’re in my thoughts x

My baby is very nearly 6 months and has been like this from being around 6-8 weeks. It’s been hard! For quite a while she wouldn’t even settle with her Dad! However, it is getting better, she’s very happy with her dad now! Just this week, she’s sat with my Mum while I ate my lunch without crying and stayed with my friend without crying while I went to the loo while we were shopping!

@Sls668 it’s great to hear that things are getting better for you, gives me hope that this is a phase and hopefully will be over before I know it. Onwards and upwards!

@APmum11 thank you, this time I've been alright as I have my DPs round the corner, DH is more hands on and from experience I know the hard stage does eventually pass. With Ds1 he improved quite quickly once I stopped BFing him at nearly 2 years old. Having said that he is currently being assessed for ASD so I do feel there were other factors at play. But for all the challenges I faced with him at the start, he is such a delightful kid now and my little soul mate. All those tears and frustration are a distant memory. I'm sure it will be the case for you too!

Yes I could involve DPs with bathtime and taking him out in the pushchair, he loves being out. Thanks for the idea!