Concerns about my 34 month olds behaviour

[31flavours]

Hi all,

First time male poster. Forgive me, I don’t really know how to navigate discussing topics and don’t usually post these kind of questions.

I’m concerned about my sons behaviour for a number of reasons and google invariably always leads to autism or ADHD.

1. His speach is behind. He can say quite a few words and communicate basic wants such as “want the yellow car”. Or “want cheese”. His speech is actually more joined up when he sings a song that is is parroting.

1. He struggle to adjust to new environments and people. He recently started nursery after delaying because of COVID but 4 weeks in he still gets upset and asks for mummy frequently.

1. He has violent outbursts of anger where he will hit, throw his head back, tantrum etc... usually this results from taking something away, even if not in his hand or when mummy/grandad leaves a room or is not in the room and he becomes conscious of it (separation anxiety I guess). He even managed hurt his eye by accidentally hitting himself on the lower eyelid cutting himself, today. Thankfully not the eyeball. No amount of reasoning, shouting, talking works. Our only bet in these situations is distraction, usually with YouTube kids.

1. He didn’t really respond to his name. His become better at this recently.

1. He struggles to follow simple instructions. I’m not sure it is wilful on his part or he just doesn’t understand. Like “come here please” or “pick up your toys please”. Sometimes he does. Sometimes he doesn’t.

1. Hitting other kids. He doesn’t do it aggressively but almost as an instinct. We keep reiteration the kind hands or soft hands mantra but whilst there has been a general improvement in hitting/violence in general, he does still do it.

1. Lacks focus on playing tasks. He’s smart in certain ways like knows his entire alphabet, knows complex shapes like trapezium, can read simple words, count up to 100 but he often spaces out.

1. He jumps or hits when excited. A little hand flapping too but not too often.

1. He doesn’t sleep well and often has bad dreams. He sleeps easy enough but he wakes up or cries in the night and needs to be put in to our bed. It wasn’t like this until the last year. He currently still sleeps in our room as circumstance had us living with my in laws since just before COVID. We are moving house (finally) and plan to put him in his own room. But his lack of security and need for mummy to be next to him means this will probably be a disaster.

I have been concerned for some time. At 1 I spoke to the doctor who didn’t believe him to be autistic but did caveat that you can really diagnose at that age but his mannerisms and concerning behaviour have gotten worse. He does give eye contact and is very affectionate, some time’s overly so, as he tries to kiss people on the lips and doesn’t really stop when you tell him “enough” or “finished” and keeps doing it despite telling him he can only kiss on the cheek.

Google is giving me anxiety as everything points to autism and low IQ. Perhaps this isn’t the place to come for reassurance and perhaps is not what o actually need but I don’t know what I am dealing with her or whether I am worrying needlessly (I don’t think I am).

Cheers in advance for any advice or insight.

My elder son is/was very similar. He's got better with age but there are still areas we need to work on like eye contact, impulsivity and doing things he doesn't want to do. I do wonder if he has adhd. A speech therapist came to look at him and said he wasn't autistic.

Autism at its core is a social communication disorder and the clearest signs of potential deficits in this area would have been the clearest before 24M of age. Does he share interests with you and had been doing since 14M old? was he pointing to share interests by 18M old (like a plane in the sky) and also to request things which were out of reach? was he showing/giving you objects of interest by 14M? was he social referencing before 12M old? was he passing the MCHAT test at 18M and 24M? etc.. All the concerns you listed, while sometimes linked to autism, are all weak/soft autism markers - autism will not be diagnosed unless there is a significant impairment in social communication.

I didn’t know about the MChat test. I did one online and based on 18m and 24m his score would have been 8 (high risk) and 4 (medium risk) at those ages respectively.

The nusery immediately pointed to his lack of response to his name and will be doing an assessment. The communication issue or his inability to understand or pay attention is making potty training and eating with cutlery a nightmare. We’ve been at it for months.