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Behaviour/development

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Concerns about 21mo development

14 replies

SpeechieE · 26/04/2021 13:08

Hi, hopefully looking for some reassuring during the months-long wait to be seen by developmental paediatricians and audiology.

I have concerns about my 21 month old daughter, things seem to have changed quite a lot in the last two months or so; she used to be a very happy, engaged baby, making lots of eye-contact, brilliant joint attention, hitting most of her milestones on time (not gross motor, will come to this), but over the last few months, her eye-contact has definitely reduced, she's far more focussed on what she wants to do and doesn't involve me unless she needs assistance and doesn't seem to initiate joint attention. She will still look me in the eye when she needs something, or when we play tickling or chase, but most of the time she doesn't.

She doesn't always respond to her name, or to requests or commands. She has had an ear infection and potential glue ear, but we are waiting for a hearing test. She just seems to have become so aloof. She has a few games that she really enjoys, particularly she loves to collect stones and drop them in the drain/a puddle - any kind of water really! She also loves to post small things into other things, for example, posting breakfast cereal into my shoes, or putting my car keys through the catflap....I'd go so far as to say she's obsessed with this kind of game.

She uses lots of single words, and adding more most days, but some of the words seem to be quite stereotyped, for example, she'll say "heeey duggee", "yes" with a really pronounced s sound or "oh dear..." when nothing has happened, they're often pronounced the same way every time. She doesn't really hug or kiss me or my husband, but she will hug her toys and say "Aww" like they do on Hey Duggee. She says hello and bye bye, and can wave. She does also recognise lots of objects and says their names in context, I'd say she easily has 50+ words. She does point, wave, clap and do hi-fives. Often when she says a new word she will look at me or my husband, as if she wants us to know she's said something new. But she doesn't really look at me when I talk to her, or smile at me if I smile at her. Quite a lot of the time it feels like she doesn't hear me at all.

We went to a friend's garden the other day and she just spent all the time trying to escape, saying "home home home", she didn't interact with anyone else at all. I know you mustn't compare, but my friend's daughter is 16 months and is so, so different I can't help but worry there is more going on.

She doesn't yet walk, and has suspected hypermobility. She is a bum-shuffler, can pull to stand against furniture, and is trying more and more every day to stand up unaided. She does this thing very rarely where she will tense her arms and shake them when she is upset.

As I mentioned, we've been referred to the developmental paed for her walking, but I will be raising these social issues too. She has been referred to audiology but there is a 6 months wait for both clinics. I'm worrying myself sick, and can't get any support.

OP posts:
gooseduck · 26/04/2021 17:20

Jesus Christ, I feel like you've reached into my soul and taken my exact story.
Well except for the walking (she's walked for 6 months) .
I'm just bereft really, that's the only way I can describe it.
I'm so resigned to the fact she has asd that my time now is just spent looking on various social media for accounts to do with autism acceptance and neurodiversity.
We will be seeing a paediatrician shortly.

gooseduck · 26/04/2021 17:21

Sorry I realise that's not in anyway supportive to you, but i wanted to post to say this is happening to me and I understand the worry Thanks

SpeechieE · 26/04/2021 17:37

Thank you so much for commenting. In a way it's nice to hear that someone else is in the same boat, but I am also so sorry that you're feeling this way, because it totally sucks. I am exactly the same with the social media searching, I want to be ok with whatever happens, while still keeping fingers crossed that I'm just being an over anxious parent. But I cannot shake feeling that she isn't developing typically. Maybe it's just lockdown... Maybe it's ASD. whatever it is I want to be ok with it... But I am really struggling with that right now. You just want to do everything you can to help your child, but the waiting times and lockdowns make it all very isolating and too much time alone with your thoughts, and more time to sit and analyse! At least this is my experience... Hope you get your answers soon x

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gooseduck · 26/04/2021 17:47

I feel like I'm permanently teetering on a cliff edge. My mood is completely dictated by whether she has had a good day and not show any 'asd traits'. Had an absolute bottom of the cliff period a couple of weeks back. It's not way to mother and no way to live. It sucks

SpeechieE · 26/04/2021 18:07

I am so sorry to hear you're struggling so much, if it is any consolation, I am right there on that cliff edge with you. I'm having CBT for anxiety at the moment which is helping a bit, but I've been thinking of asking the doctors for something a little stronger to get me back on an even keel. Feel free to DM me, I truly do understand this struggle! The positive thing I can take from what you're saying is that your daughter has some good days, which is great! Generally the behaviours that come with being neurodiverse don't turn off and on, which may give you some reassurance that things are developing typically, but you might just have a little whirlwind child on your hands Smile x

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JA1518 · 14/08/2022 18:54

@SpeechieE hi OP, hope you are doing ok. Just wondered if you had any update on how your daughter is doing?

SpeechieE · 15/08/2022 14:12

@JA1518 Hi there! So my daughter is 3 now, and she is doing well. She is walking, which is fantastic! She didn't start until she was 27 months old, but now she's running, jumping, climbing, the lot! She's also much more interactive now, no problems with eye contact, she is very sociable and likes people (generally), she has lots of words and speaks in full sentences, but we cannot have a conversation, apart from her responding with 'no' to any single question I ask her 😉so her communication is coming along, but she's still very delayed on that front. She's still very emotional and has high support needs, if things don't go exactly how she wants them to, she will meltdown and often finds it really hard to calm down for hours. I am hoping for the day that I can leave a room and she doesn't scream blue murder 😂But overall, she continues to surprise us and exceed the expectations, and while some days are really, really hard, we continue to get through them. She has her autism assessment at the end of this month, and I think she'll be getting a diagnosis.

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JA1518 · 18/08/2022 21:31

@SpeechieE thanks so much for replying, it sounds like she's doing amazing and you sound like a brilliant mum!

JA1518 · 05/03/2023 08:42

@SpeechieE hi again, hope you and your DD are doing well. I just wondered what the outcome of her ASD assessment was? My DD sounds quite like your was minus the walking but we aren't any further along the process in terms of seeing a paediatrician or anything so I just wondered what your outcome had been. Thanks in advance. Sorry to bother you again!

SpeechieE · 06/03/2023 10:43

@JA1518 Hi! So her autism assessment actually didn't happen... it was pushed back and then outsourced to a private company, and we are still waiting. We had the parental interview last week, and are now waiting on the play-based assessment which could happen in the next month or so. It is so frustrating that we're still waiting.... I don't know if she will get the diagnosis or not, but we will wait and see. She's generally doing very well, her language is still a bit bizarre and definitely delayed, but she's such a little character. We're still struggling with meltdowns and rigid thinking, but she's doing brilliantly in so many ways. Hope your little one is doing ok too xx

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JA1518 · 06/03/2023 21:04

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me! Sounds like she's doing great!! :)

Bravosmith · 24/03/2023 10:32

@SpeechieE hey mom , I also have some concerns with my 20 months baby. Can u tell me in which month ur baby started to point at things? Or what was her nature in babyhood?

Bravosmith · 24/03/2023 10:36

@SpeechieE or if ur point anything, does she look at ? How was pretend playing?

SpeechieE · 24/03/2023 10:50

Bravosmith · 24/03/2023 10:32

@SpeechieE hey mom , I also have some concerns with my 20 months baby. Can u tell me in which month ur baby started to point at things? Or what was her nature in babyhood?

Hi @Bravosmith, so my little girl was a bit delayed with pointing, she started doing this around 18 months, but most babies can do this by 12 months old. When she was your baby's age, she didn't really look at things that I pointed at, or did any kind of imaginary play. Her nature as a baby was fairly grumpy! But she was socially motivated - she wanted to be near people and with us, but just not in a totally typical way.

But I will say, all babies are completely individual and just because they're not doing something, does not mean that there's anything 'wrong'! I really recommend having a look at this website: https://speechandlanguage.org.uk/talking-point/parents/ages-and-stages/ it gives the ages of typical development with social skills and communication. Even if there is something neurodivergent about your child, does not mean that they won't flourish and succeed with the right support.

Does your little one seem like they're in their own world? Do they attempt to communicate with you at all, through touch, looking at you, or making sounds? How do they play with things, do they play with toys how they're meant to be played with? For example, do they push a car and say "brrummm" or do they spin the toy, or throw it on the ground?

Ages and stages

https://speechandlanguage.org.uk/talking-point/parents/ages-and-stages

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