How to discipline two children

[Kay1111]

Hi all,

How would you all deal with this situation? If you’re out with your two children at the park and you said if they’re good they can have an ice cream, one is an angel and the other is the devil, would you give the angel an ice cream and not the devil (so basically they have to watch their sibling having a treat) or would you stop them both having an ice cream (not very fair on the angel). I can’t work out what the right answer is!

How old are the children. I think this makes a big difference in what I would do.

The good one is 5 and the naughty one is 3

I try to avoid making behaviour-based promises like this, especially when we are out, because it’s just not worth the pain. The badly behaved one is going to be even worse if denied a promised treat, and you’re going to have two cranky kids on your hands if they are both denied it.

I would have different expectations of good behaviour from a three year old than I would a five year old. So I wouldn't hold them to both behaving to the same rules.

I don't think the three year old would have a developed understanding of delayed gratification yet. So they're not going to be good to get the ice-cream, they'll forget all about it in the heat of the moment and be led by their emotions. For the three year old I would say approaching any negative behaviour with immediate natural consequences might be better. E.g you pushed x so you have to say sorry and come sit by mummy for ten minutes then you can play again. Or say you've given a warning that they can't throw the ball and they do then they can't play with the ball for x mins or at all.

I would then still give them the ice-cream. (Because it's a nice treat not because I said I would if they were good).

The five year old will get delayed gratification a bit better but not entirely. So personally I would also take the same approach with the five year old.

Thank you both, I also thought the 3 year old won’t be able to put two and two together yet and won’t fully grasp why their sibling has an ice cream and they don’t, even if they have been told off for their behaviour!